The Introvert Child and College

[salander]

<p>First, introversion is not a behavior and is not a synonym of shyness. And many introverts are type A, and can be very sociable.</p>

<p>The difference between introverts and extroverts is how they recharge their energy so to speak. Extroverts recharge their energy in social situations, while introverts might need alone time. The best way to describe the difference is to think what you would do after a hard week at work/school: Would you rather go to a party or hang out with a large group of people on Friday night? Or would you rather go home, watch a movie, or have dinner with a small group of friends? The former are extroverts, the latter are introverts.</p>

<p>I am an introvert (every single time I get ISFJ), but I am fairly sociable. Most people describe me as friendly. I just need quiet time to recharge. I am a college professor. I love teaching and public speaking. But after a 2 hour class, I need to sit in my office, alone for 20 minutes, and drink a cup of coffee or tea before I go out into the world again, otherwise I am exhausted and irritable for the rest of the day. I always had good grades and I have always been really organized, sort of the typical older child-type A person. Nothing to do with introversion.</p>

<p>So, I think many people here might be confusing introversion with shyness. The book “Quiet” is excellent. If you don’t want to read it, the author has a TED talk. Her name is Susan Cain.</p>

<p>In terms of college, as an introvert, I would much prefer a large school to a small liberal arts college. The idea of everyone knowing who I am would terrify me because I would feel I have to be “on” all the time, in case I bump into someone I know. Also, in my experience, they tend to have more activities where everyone is expected to participate. I shiver just thinking about it. I have taught in both types of places, and the pressure to participate in activities made me so glad I wasn’t a student there. </p>

<p>My impression is that in a large college, if I want to take a Saturday off, in my room, reading a book, nobody would notice or give much thought. In a small college I would get people asking me if I was OK, why are you not going to the sorority party/sport event/talk etc. everyone is going to. Also, in a large college, a student is more likely to find other people who rather hang out is small groups, and have more variety of activities.</p>

<p>Anyway, as an introvert with many introvert friends, I thrived in a large school, and from my observations from a small school (which might be biased) I wouldn’t have had such a good time there, and I wouldn’t push someone who needs alone time to recharge away from a large school.</p>

[momofthreeboys]

<p>Yes, exactly - there is a difference between being shy and being an introvert. I am a pretty typical INTJ and I am not “shy.” I’m in a career that attracts extroverts so have spend my adult life surrounded by them. Yes, I need to recharge on the weekends! I’m pretty exhausted by Friday night. But please don’t confuse the two - a shy person is afraid to be outgoing and social…an introvert finds it draining to be social, but isn’t afraid of being social. Big, big difference.</p>

[Consolation]

<p>

My impression is that in a large college, if I want to take a Saturday off, in my room, reading a book, nobody would notice or give much thought. In a small college I would get people asking me if I was OK, why are you not going to the sorority party/sport event/talk etc.

</p>

<p>Not the case in my experience at a LAC under 2000 students.</p>

<p>

Even at the Ivies, at which extracurriculars may carry major weight in admissions I would dare say that the majority of the students are naturally introverted.

</p>

<p>And you would say this why, precisely?</p>

[frugaldoctor]

<p>Salander, wonderful points. Describes my daughter 100%. She is less worried about her future college experience than I am. She is introverted and a nerd by her account. She’s never been teased or bullied at her high school, but I worry she will experience some form of harassment at college. But she wants to attend a large school for the reasons you stated. Please PM me to let me kmow what school you attended so we can add it to the list.</p>

[foto2gem]

<p>Being the only extrovert in a family of introverts I must say that I envy their ability to occupy themselves…they never seem to be lonely and, without social interaction, I can start to feel very lonely. They tend to be readers, musicians, scientists, etc. and seem to have developed talents which are good company…kinduv jealous sometimes…
These, of course, are generalizations from my own experience.</p>

[cobrat]

<p>

Can you go to a strange city and go sightseeing by yourself, or would you feel lonely? I could go to a strange city for a week, sightsee, and not once feel “oh, I wish I had someone to share these experiences with.” I’m fine with my own company. An extrovert tends to feel lonely in this situation. That’s neither good nor bad, just different. My extrovert husband is lonely when I’m gone on a business trip. I’m not lonely when I’m gone on a business trip; that doesn’t mean I don’t love him, but I’m fine in my own head. That’s the difference.

</p>

<p>What if someone falls close enough on the border that the best answer is “it depends” on a given situation or mood?</p>

<p>For sightseeing, I have no problems enjoying doing so by myself…especially if it’s mixed in with business/academic work where I need to get things done. However, I would enjoy it more if I was accompanied by a few friends who are reasonably friendly, but being by myself won’t make me feel lonely or otherwise feel bad. Then again, sightseeing does give me an avenue to strike up conversations with random people and potentially make new acquaintances/friends as I did on some last recent trips. </p>

<p>However, there are activities I prefer doing in the company of others such as going to a movie theater, musical performance, eating out, or drinking. </p>

<p>The former three are so much more enjoyable with others. As for drinking alone, never understood the appeal as I feel it to be the epitome of watching paint dry and thus, a waste of some fine spirits.</p>

[Poeme]

<p>Introversion doesn’t always imply shyness, but many times it does especially in certain situations. For example, I am not shy when I am in most classes and speaking with professors, I participate in class a lot . However, I do find a lot of social situations with large groups to be very awkward and exhausting. In addition, I don’t become comfortable with people one on one until I have gotten to know them well. People tell me I am very reserved and take time to open up. </p>

<p>Why I say that being an introvert does not disadvantage you in selective college admissions is because even though you may be very involved or a leader of a group does not make you an extrovert, it just means you are comfortable in that setting. For example, I have a few professors who are wonderful lecturers and very open in class, but who seem very shy during office hours (they are very nice, just a bit reserved). I never have led a group, I have always been a productive member or have done my own thing. In high school I was a member of the orchestra, but just an ordinary first violin. In science Olympiad, I won a lot of awards as a member but was not a team captain. Nevertheless, I was able to distinguish myself in my essays and maybe in my recommendations (looking back I doubt they were anywhere as strong as my grad school letters though).</p>

<p>In college my involvement has consisted of doing very intensive research/involvement in my department as well as playing in a small chamber group. For this reason I have been much happier than I have been in high school. A lot of my friends do the same or similar things and are very happy despite being less social than the average Penn student. That is not to say we don’t go out to dinner together or have house parties.</p>

[austinmshauri]

<p>There’s a difference between being an introvert and being shy. Introverts get their energy from being alone; extroverts get energy from being in a group. Being an introvert doesn’t mean you can’t communicate well, or lack the confidence to interact with a room full of strangers; it’s just draining. </p>

<p>There are several things introverts can do in college to make their lives easier. Avoid scheduling high energy classes back to back. Schedule the classes that require the most energy for the time of day your energy is highest. When you’re in a room full of people, focus on the people in your immediate area. I can understand how giving an impromptu art show could be exhausting if your daughter tried to absorb all that was going on around her and attempted to compete with the personalities of the other students. In those situations, I would suggest she concentrate on engaging the person in front of her. If she goes on college interviews, remind her that she’s searching for a good fit, so ideally the interview is going both ways. She may want to make a list of what she wants from a school and jot down questions she has about the college and its programs. </p>

<p>I’m an introvert. Most of my career has been spent working in the control room of a television studio. It is a fast paced, high energy, vocally demanding environment. But, that high energy is not constant. There are down times. College is the same way. As long as your daughter knows when it’s time to take a breather, she’ll do fine.</p>

[austinmshauri]

<p>Intparent wrote:
“Stop with the shy is not introverted.”</p>

<p>I don’t understand people who want to insist shyness and introversion are the same, or who think that introverts who are excellent communicators are in the middle of some imagined spectrum. Introversion is not some sort of condition that needs to be treated.</p>

[Poeme]

<p>They are not the same, but they frequently coincide. My sister is actually kind of an introvert. Even though she is very social and is in a sorority at an SEC school, she still likes and needs her down time. I however, am more of a shy introvert and often have difficulties in large groups as are most of my friends</p>

[salander]

<p>They actually don’t coincide as much or as frequently as you might think (introversion and shyness). 1/3-1/2 of the population are introverts according to Psychology studies. 1/2 of the populations is not shy. There are extroverts who are shy. They crave social interaction to energize, but they are worried about others’ judgement.</p>

<p>For me, it was a blessing the first time I took a personality test in HS and discovered I am an introvert. Some of my teachers were surprised since they said I was friendly and liked theater, etc. But while I can do that well, it drains my energy. Big time. So it was a blessing to know that, because it helped me recharge my energy in college and as an adult. And I realized I was a cranky teenager because the overstimulation was exhausting me. </p>

<p>In my case, 20-30 minutes a day of quiet time is all I need sometimes. In college I would wake up very early, brew some coffee, and look at the sunrise, alone with my thoughts. Nobody ever thought I was anti-social, or bullied me in college for that. Some people would join me. It turns out, a lot of people like some quiet moments.</p>

<p>And Jung saw introversion-extroversion as a continuum. Most of us are somewhere in the middle, as Cobrat mentioned. For example, I love people, but more in small groups. I like hanging out with 5 close friends in a restaurant or bar where we can talk for hours, and listen to each other, get to know them well, much more than a party with 50 people where I cannot get to know a person. Also, I much rather listen to others than talk. That’s why we have 2 ears and 1 mouth :-)</p>

<p>Introversion is not a personality flaw, and in no means it affects college performance. It actually helps sometimes. In my experience, an extroverted person might have a harder time missing a frat party the week before a big paper is due because they crave social interactions (solitude drains their energy). An introverted person is just fine missing the party, take it easy, and prepare their paper. Of course this is a generalization, but there are some advantages.</p>

[southbel]

<p>Since I started this thread, I would like to report on my daughter and her college application journey. It seems that my concerns were for naught. She has, thus far, gotten into every school to which she applied, including her first two top choices. </p>

<p>I think a big part of her concerns was questioning whether she was good enough - a totally normal reaction for a child of her age. I have a very happy and excited kid on my hands now and I can say that we feel quite relieved.</p>

<p>When I first wrote this thread, she had just gone through a portfolio review for a scholarship. She was successful there even though she found it a quite stressful event. Ultimately the issue wasn’t the portfolio review as much as the school where this took place. It wasn’t the place for her. When she visited some other schools, she got a completely different vibe and feeling for both the faculty and students.</p>

<p>Goes to show that there’s a school for every kid out there - even the introverts! Right now, she’s just having a hard time deciding between her two top choices since she loved them both. It’s a good place to be.</p>

<p>Thus, my verdict is that an introvert can be successful in college but it may take finding the right place for that child to thrive. For us, we have concentrated on LACs as that seems to be a great fit for her and her personality.</p>

[austinmshauri]

<p>Congratulations! That is so exciting!</p>