<p>Well, The dreaded I'm not sure this is for me letter came today. I was prepared for it and am better able to handle it knowing that this is SOP for most plebes in the first week. I'm sure some other parents got a letter like this as well. The parents list-serv is a great resource for preparing us for these things. I'm sure the 4th of July picnic and fireworks picked everyones spirits up last night.</p>
<p>Yes, it's perfectly natural. Heaven only knows how many times I said that to my parents when I was at NAPS....</p>
<p>Just remember, the decision to stay or go has to be HIS, not YOURS. You just need to remind him that if he got in, then he can bloody well graduate. It's all up to HIM.</p>
<p>Pain is temporary. Pride is forever. Trust me. :)</p>
<p>You tell him to hang in there and to not make any rash decisions. He will have to live with the regret the rest of his life if he quits and later thinks, "You know, it wasn't that bad.... I COULD have made it."</p>
<p>Good luck. :)</p>
<p>ETA:</p>
<p>
[quote]
I'm sure the 4th of July picnic and fireworks picked everyones spirits up last night.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Yes, but they came crashing down again this morning (if not last night) when the system kicked back into gear. I would expect another letter soon. Also natural. Just try to ensure he doesn't quit on a whim.</p>
<p>Zaphod already gave you some great tips, but the key thing for your son to remember is that Plebe Summer does not equal typical USNA life. It's not supposed to. Tell him to break time up into managable chunks - make it to parents' weekend. Then Labor Day. Then Columbus Day. Then Thanksgiving. And so on.</p>
<p>This too shall pass....</p>
<p>Mike</p>
<p>
[quote]
This too shall pass....
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Amen.</p>
<p>You know, some people wonder why programs like USxA or BUDS or whatever all seem to have an element of harassment to them. The reason is simple, and condensed into Mike's post above: "This, too, shall pass".</p>
<p>I have been layed off, fired, divorced, screwed over, had to watch my mother die of cancer, etc., etc., etc. Things most people here have experienced to one extent or the other. In my case, I've experienced most of them simultaneously.</p>
<p>And yet, whenever I was asked by someone how I was able to manage, the response was automatic: "Hell, if I made it through Plebe Year, I can handle this."</p>
<p>Doesn't mean that Plebe Year is as hellish as a divorce or death of a parent, but it's stressful enough that it teaches you to keep your wits while others are losing theirs, or to simply function when all else tells you to throw in the towel. USxA does it to prepare you for being an officer, but the lessons last a lifetime.</p>
<p>"...yet he who holds fast unto the end shall be saved."</p>
<p>Hang in there, Blackhawk. He'll be OK. You tell him that. :)</p>
<p>^^^Blackhawk- i hear you!</p>
<hr>
<p>I-Day+3.....(a phone call...?????????? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!)</p>
<p>{ring....ring....}</p>
<p>Mom: hello?</p>
<p>Son: "Mom, would you and Dad be terribly dissapointed in me if I came home?"
(after a moment of silence so the shock could wear off)</p>
<p>Mom: (still in shock).... is this really you? You want to do what?</p>
<p>Son: "of course its me- who do you think it is? You didn't answer my question."</p>
<p>Mom: "how did you get a phone?"</p>
<p>Son: "Mommmmmmmmmmmmmmm...........!"</p>
<p>Mom: "I guess the most honest answer I can give you is "Yes".... I suppose we would be initially....but we would get over it and move on...and we would never be dissapointed in you ....the only thing I would be dissapointed in is that you did not give yourself enough of a chance, and that you did not have the faith in yourself that we have in you....so while this is your decision to make, do you think you could at least give this until the end of the first week before you make up your mind?"</p>
<p>Son: "ok"</p>
<p>{click}</p>
<hr>
<p>And that was the last of it.</p>
<p>aside from one brief "hiccough" this last winter.... during the dark ages I think.... when he was questioning the whole "Navy-service-lifestyle" thing....
(that came after a pretty gritty lecture from what I understand)....
(and great advice from Z, once again....thanks!)</p>
<p>but even there, now having one summer experience of his own under his belt - and an opportunity to "really see what the Navy is like," he is nothing but "positive"....</p>
<p>so a long winded way to say "it happens," "it is not unique to plebe summer...or plebe year," "no doubt they will question themselves over and over in the process"..... some more so, some not at all....but will second the most important thing Zaphod said... that in the end, it has to be THEIR decision....this is something they have to want....not what others want for them. </p>
<p>like everything else if life, this is a huge committment.... some will argue that it is too much to ask of anyone to decide at such an early age.... but I think the system is designed to challenge....to force some serious self-reflection- and to give them the tools to decide- with confidence. </p>
<p>As parents, all we can do is to encourage and support....reassure, and listen....with listening the most important thing I believe.</p>
<p>Tell him to hang in....
perhaps to set some short-term goals...
make it to lunch...
then make it to lights-out...
make it from one Sunday to the next...
(absolutely do go to sunday services... the chaplins offer not only donuts, but a respite from their "plebedom" for at least 60 minutes!)...
up the "letters from home".... send some inspirational messages....some small quotes....laminate them so that he can post them on the board above his desk or in his con locker....</p>
<p>(you can start with one of my favorites.... "when you feel you are at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on!")..... i have one for everyday of plebe summer if you like....yours for the asking! </p>
<p>and before you know it, it will be cadre change-over...
and he will rate a neckerchief...
and then a real cover....
and then summer whites.....
and the Orioles game....
and then PPW....
and then the AC year...
(and then the upperclass get caught up in their own academic demands, so things do get a bit better....)</p>
<p>the days may drag- but the time will really fly....
and to remind him that the USNA would never have accepted him if they knew he couldn't do it....</p>
<p>and then there is the cadre...
they all survived...
his roomates are surviving....
remind him that he is not alone....
and self-doubt is what this is all about....as is the confidence that is built with each passing success....
and before you know it, you are climbing Herndon....
and you hear them say "wow... I can't believe we're "Plebes-no-more!"</p>
<p>as for the "parents"... hang in.... no doubt he is long-passed whatever it was that was bothering him when he wrote.... and the next letter/call will be more positive....and he will so-forget what it was anyway....</p>
<p>nothing else to say except "welcome to the roller coaster....hang on...it's going to be a bumpy ride!"</p>
<p>
[quote]
and that you did not have the faith in yourself that we have in you
[/quote]
</p>
<p>It's amazing (but not surprising when looking back) how parents actually seem to know the measure of their kids more than the kids themselves do.</p>
<p>I remember a discussion I had with my parents, long after I had graduated, where I said something to the tune of, "You know, not a day went by that I didn't think I'd make it."</p>
<p>My mother (who knew me better than anyone ever did or will) looked me right in the eye and said, "I never doubted it for a minute. Neither did your father. That was why we got so upset when you ran yourself down. We knew you could make it, but you didn't. Drove us nuts."</p>
<p>It was one of the few things my mother ever said to me that actually HURT to hear, because I realized right then and there that I could have done SO much better, and that the only thing that kept me from doing so was ME.</p>
<p>My Dad's favorite line was, "You know, almost a thousand <expletive deleteds=""> graduate from this <expletive deleted=""> place every <expletive deleted=""> year. There's no <expletive deleted=""> reason you can't be one of them!" (It was delivered in Spanish, where the explatives pack one hell of a whallop!)</expletive></expletive></expletive></expletive></p>
<p>If you think your kid can do it. If you KNOW it, then TELL THEM THAT. Don't say it because you are Mom or Dad; say it because IT'S TRUE.</p>
<p>Powerful revelation, Z. Thanks for sharing this most intimate of insights about you and your mom. You are blessed to have had her. Bravo, muchocho ... or however you'd say it.</p>
<p>
[quote]
It's amazing (but not surprising when looking back) how parents actually seem to know the measure of their kids more than the kids themselves do.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>For most.... true...
for some.... i think some get "written off" too early...</p>
<p>I would venture to say that the academies attract more of the former....
and my utmost respect for those from the second group that still find a way to make it on their own.....</p>
<p>Zaphod, over this past year-plus, I have heard you speak of your parents- especially your mom- in such a loving way..... have no doubt she didn't know the "true measure" of her son- her pride in you still shines down as brightly from the heavens! (hope all is well with you!)</p>
<p>
[quote]
You are blessed to have had her.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>You have no idea. :(</p>
<p>Thank you all for the encouragement and the advice. I'm sure he has a better frame of mind today. He would never quit, I don't think, and I know he can get through plebe summer. He is probably like most kids who have been pampered all their life. It's time for him to slap that tiddy out that mouth and grow up.</p>
<p>We got a letter today too. S said it was way harder than he could ever prepare for and that our letters to him arrived just in time to help him overcome his dispair. He said that he's gotten into a routine that is helping to make it more bearable and said that "6 wks really isn't that long"<br>
so even though the first two lines were discouraging he pulled himself thru by the end of the letter even ended with a lil humour.. He did say letters were like "GOLD" and made added requests for more stuff.. so like the addicted control freak mom that I am I rushed immed out and sent the 2nd pkg for the day.</p>
<p>Blackhawk you sound just like my husband.. Ya'll have no sympathy for us mom's who are getting slapped away along with that "-----"</p>
<p>My Firstie is home ready to take off on yet another adventure. I mentioned some of the threads that I had been reading over the last couple of days. He said that he remembers that the first 1-2 weeks were definitely the toughest. First of all, you have to learn the military way really fast. You get yelled at and it takes a few times to realize that it is not personal and to get over it. Also, the first week or so is full of lots of stuff that is not particularly fun. Briefings, uniform issue, etc. Once you get into some of the obstacle courses, sailing, etc things do become a bit more enjoyable if that is possible. So, encourage your Plebes this Sunday to hang in there, things definitely will improve and most importantly, you will learn the system and have a much better understanding of what is expected. My Firstie said those first days were the toughest and a total blurr.</p>
<p>
[quote]
S said it was way harder than he could ever prepare for
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Everyone remember that when those who have lived through it are accused of "exagerating".</p>
<p>It's different for everyone, but not easy for anyone. It's far better to expect the worst and find it less than that than to think you'll smoke it and find it harder than you thought.</p>
<p>I got the letter yesterday! It was all positive and actually really funny! I wish ya'll all knew Lola as this letter is so her. .. It is 2 pages front back full of info.
I will quote some of it and I have questions for you with prior experience.</p>
<p>"It's not bad here, Its not easy, but I can handle it. I havent laughed yet, which is good. The people who do get reamed out. I almost did today. I left the combination to the lock of my rifle attached, so the 5th Platoon Commander took mine and my roommates. We had to go upstairs and do rates really loudly. I screamed myself hoarse! They asked Mimi what she would name her rifle and if she lost it again she would have to sleep with it. It was really funny to me."</p>
<p>"holding up reef points is the worst because it makes your shoulders sore. I sweat continuously."MDN LT ***** was rating me and he thought I was crying and felt bad. But I told him it was just sweat."</p>
<p>"the food sucks alot"</p>
<p>"they gave us so much stuff it is crazy. Everything you were going to send they have already given us but I guess you have already sent it and I will make room for it somehow"</p>
<p>"Took a chem test and and english test. That was long and boring so we all slept through it and got b*tched out. Oh well. It was the same rating stuff they always do and a Rack race! SUPER COOL!"</p>
<p>Those are just excerpts but just all cracked me up to read it. I could hear her saying all those things.</p>
<p>Here are questions:</p>
<p>What is a RACK RACE?
What is getting rated?
Also, from the letter she mentioned some questions she didnt know the answers to and had to get the,..Words to Anchors Aweigh, building at end of Stribling and Mexican War Monument. How do they find out those things? In reef points?</p>
<p>All in all.. I was completely happy with her very positive letter and think she is going to be just fine for now! MADE MY DAY!</p>
<p>Wanted to add.. Lola has two prior service members in her squad! One is her roommate with 2.5 yrs as Navy Corpsman, another is prior USMC who spent a tour in Iraq! God Bless them!</p>
<p>rack race: how fast "stripped" rack is "made" to regulation</p>
<p>Rated: substitute the word "graded" and you just about have it....only they get "rated" on everything.... and then some!</p>
<p>Answers to questions: lots of sources...depends on what ones their company allows them to use.... (reef points, recon missions, sympathetic youngsters.....our mid was not allowed to get more than one word to one of the songs from any one source!).... wait 'till they gave to get "autographs" of every upperclassman in their company! (they wait with that one for after reform)</p>
<p>food sucks alot = send $$$ come the academic year....Mo's delivers</p>
<p>positive letter = priceless!</p>
<p>Actually getting "rated" is having an upperclass ask you your rates - the plebe knowledge that they're supposed to have memorized. Menus, chain of command, ranks - that sort of stuff.</p>
<p>All the stuff she mentioned is in Reef Points. Handy little book, that....</p>
<p>i know i got to KP...and it costs about 6000 dollars for the first year (little more then the other academies, but cheaper then most schools). </p>
<p>i told my parents in a letter that first week that I was thinking I didn't want to stay especially since I wasn't sure in the first place if it was what I wanted. but y'know what they told me? "We already paid for the first year in full YOUR STAYing!"</p>
<p>LOL! That'll learn ya! ;)</p>
<p>and we just have to keep reminding them that great line that I heard over and over on here and other places ...</p>
<p>" THEY CANT KILL YA, AND THEY CANT STOP TIME" Truly words to live by! THEY WILL MAKE IT! :)</p>
<p>When I was Plebe I was also a Napster. I had an appointment from the USNA and the Merchant Marine Academy. I chose Annapolis because I was infatuated with the girl from Maryland that I dated rather than my girlfriend back in NY. All being equal, I figured I was going to the Navy no matter what transpired in the next four years. I also had friends from Naps going to both academies. I was also under the very wrong impression that if I didn't like Annapolis in the first week or so, I could drop out and still make it to Kings Point in time for their Induction Day. I couldn't and so didn't. In reality, I really didn't have anywhere else to go that summer and the view from my room wasn't that bad, the food was pretty decent, I got my laundry done for me and got to work out at least once a day. What's not to like. I was really impressed with my cadre even though I didn't really want to be buddies, I did want them to respect my effort. Turned out during academic year, the firsties where absolutely enjoyable, it was the 2/c I despised. I also married that girl from MD.</p>