You can bring your dress to Nordy and try out the wraps they have in stock in the fitting room to see how you like the color and test the snagging situation.
Maybe something to try during anniversary sale. haha!
I will wait until I get the more correct sizes of my dress and send a photo to S and fiancĆ©e and her mom if sheād like to see if they like either dress.
I need to return no later than 4/1 for refund.
Is it bad of me to be shopping when we have no information from the couple nor mother of bride? I am just concerned that sometimes the dresses are not going to be there later if I donāt get them when i see them.
Not at all. I am already low-key browsing dresses for my younger daughterās (someday) wedding
Iām going to tread lightly here and try to be as careful and tactful as I can.
Although I understand the excitement of finding a dress and finding something that works for a good price.
I think I would have waited for the bride to firm up more details of the wedding. It feels like the venue was recently booked and while the bride may not have any preferences with the tenor and scope of her wedding, she also may.
Now both of my children and one spouse are engineers. They are all self described control freaks as engineers can be. They have been specific in their wedding plans. And sometimes procrastinators in making the important decisions. But since itās their wedding, I let them decide.
Iāve also learned that the mother of the bride customarily picks her dress first. She (and the bride) pick the colors and style of the dresses. And then the MOG. In my kids wedding, the MOB didnāt pick a dress until the last minute. I wanted to get my dress and started shopping in June for the October wedding. Bridesmaid dresses had been bought, the wedding dress was bought. So I had an idea of how dressy or casual the wedding was going to be.
I asked my daughter in law if it was ok for me to start shopping for dresses. In person even though I didnāt see her often as the couple lives out of my town. I sent her a picture of my favorite. She approved
@HImom I think itās fine to be LOOKING - itās something to get excited about! But I agree with @deb922 that with their being some very recent decisions even about major things like venue, Iād hold off a bit on putting too much energy into falling in love with a dress YOU love only for it not to work out with the rest of the wedding party.
There are SO.MANY.DRESSES. out there! Sounds like you are not a hard to fit size. And you seem to not be looking at gownsā¦so even more selection to be had.
Good buys, good fits, good colorsā¦can be found at anytime! Itās beginning of Marchā¦even if you had more info by June 1 youād still have what 5 months to find a dress?
Keep looking and dreaming and saving things you love - itās a way to be involved in the process. But I wouldnāt look at it as a to take care of. You might get yourself in a situation where you canāt return a dress bought too early if the bride decides everyone should wear flowy Hawaiian wear!!
For the prices that HImom is finding the dresses for, it doesnāt hurt to grab one if she likes it.
I do agree with you that every bride has different priorities, with some wanting to control colors and lengths of dresses that everyone wears, but if I was finding dresses that I liked for under $50, I would grab them and be flexible if the bride ends up wanting to control the outfits.
I have daughters but if I had a son, I would run the dress by the DIL and be flexible about changing it. I ran my dress by my daughter, whose only guideline was that it be a gown.
MOB here (a while ago). Once DD chose her wedding colors, the MOG was free to choose whatever she wanted. There was a palette of colors DD wanted things to sort of go with. I think MOG got her first dress before I got mine. But she changed her mind and subsequently got something different.
So family dependent.
But I agreeā¦at $50 a dressā¦just get the dressā¦then wait and discuss with the bride.
As a mom to a girl and a boy. And as a mother in law.
I will say thatās itās a much more delicate dance with my daughter in law than my daughter. My daughter is very free with her opinions and advice to me.
My dil on the other hand. She doesnāt want to offend me and I donāt want to overstep my boundaries. Especially in the beginning of our relationship.
I found the wedding planning to be fraught with uncertainty. I tried to not make waves. It was difficult at times.
For instance, my dil did not include me in her dress shopping. She didnāt include my daughter in bridesmaid dress shopping even though my daughter was a bridesmaid. She invited all the bridesmaids except for my daughter to lunch before the wedding (I wasnāt invited either). I donāt think it was malicious but wasnāt expecting it.
I really does depend on the bride and what she wants. My D is very laid back but I waited to see what colors her bridesmaids were wearing. I chose a knee length dress but neither my D nor I was concerned that MOG chose a floor length dress. Thatās how we roll, but others may feel differently.
I have to admit that I didnāt even know that there were rules or etiquette for MOB/G or guest attire until I happened on the other wedding thread long before it had any relevance to me. What anyone besides myself and my attendant wore at our wedding never crossed my mind. I find dictating dress beyond the immediate wedding party rather offensive actually.
Anyway, given what I picked up on CC, I did ask FDIL if she had any preference for what I wore thinking sheād correctly answer, āWhatever you want,ā as she is a very informal, laid-back gal. When she suggested floor-length navy, which would have been fine for the original late fall in NY plan, I pushed back when the wedding moved to June in Georgia. I suggested that getting air under the dress would be critical and perhaps pastels (different from her bridesmaids) would be better for a humid, summer southern wedding, and I sent her a few examples. She liked the examples and definitely agreed with the shorter length and said her grandma (GMOB) had suggested the same thing. It was our son who indicated navy as appropriate for a military wedding and that having both me and gram in the same color would be nice for pictures as FDIL considers us a pair.
So, I shared a pic of the hi-low dress I wore to one of the annual military balls with gram and she went from there and selected a dress from the same line at JJs House. Iām happy that I didnāt have to buy a dress but, honestly, it still rubs me the wrong way that I even felt I had to ask.
I well know the tradition from the pressure MIL gave to have my mother pick her dress/color. (MIL had special situation with leg brace, wanted to order a formal pant suit.). Although Iād like to have a dress by now for sonās June wedding, for now Iām just window shopping (well actually browsing online). I know the couple is busy with other wedding prep.
Iāve not heard of that tradition. I didnāt see the other dress 2 of the three times. We had no discussion between the two moms for two of the weddings. I think @HImom is fine to look for a dress. I was MOB twice and there was no discussion of me picking a dress first.
Obviously there will be many different scenarios for dress wear for any human in a wedding party (including all major players in photos or having a role in the wedding). From a bride designating what EVERYONE should wear to āplease come, I donāt care what you wear!ā.
With that, it seems a simple common courtesy to just reach out at a reasonable time to the couple marrying (both partners can have opinions!) and say, āhey, Iām starting to think about what to wear for the big/little occasion! Do you have a preference or details I should know?ā
This is a simple thing to do in person, on the phone or through a text or email. Because the couple may have VERY detailed opinions, none at all, or something in the middle. Itās a good beginning spot or permission to move ahead as you like.
We can give all the advice we like on this thread - but we are not the wedding family.
When D, MOH and I went to look for her dress we took a look at bridesmaid dresses and really liked the ones in fall colors (gold/pumpkin/dark purple, etc) for her October wedding. I was thinking of looking for a green dress for myself (bright green and dark green are my most flattering colors). However when they returned to the store with all of the bridesmaids they unanimously went with red dresses. The dresses were lovely, but Iām so glad I had waited and hadnāt chosen a green dress!
As MOG, I did ask my daughter in law her colors, what her stepmom would be wearing. The bridesmaids wore champagne. I found that out fairly early , and that the stepmom was probably wearing pink, and not floor length . The bridesmaids wore long gowns but stepmom and I did not (and I was very relieved that no gown was needed). I looked but waited to buy until I had some idea from my DIL about the venue, colors, etc.
I ran potential dresses by my DIL and doing that didnāt bother me at all. I was glad to have some direction as to length and what colors they were using for the wedding, flowers. Stepmom wore a medium pink dress just above the knee, I wore a very light blue dress just below the knee. It all worked out.
FDIL is going to Kyiv (!!) to look for a wedding dress. I think there are two bridesmaids from what she has said so far, and I believe they will be going with her and looking for their dresses, too. Her mom is in Kyiv, so maybe sheāll pic something and I will get some insight. FDIL is six feet tall, so itās going to be a challenge. S2 wants a suit (that will take some hunting, too) and is going to get a custom vyshyvanka made.
I ordered four dresses but havenāt opened the packages yet. All are dressy casual and do not scream wedding. Havenāt been thrilled with the more formal options. May resort to navy and get a shawl with burgundy, as there are better choices with blue. Iām a jewel tone girl, which works for a September wedding. Itāll be in the Carpathian mountains, and the ceremony is going to be outside. Thereās a gorgeous patio outside, but I think dinner is indoors.
Feels very odd to be so detached from everything. Iāve offered to make her veil and a canopy (non-religious). My hands need to do something here!
Former DIL (S1) wore white for the ceremony, green for the reception, and went with deep marine blue for the bridesmaids. Her mom wore purple, then changed to navy for the reception. I wore navy. The guys wore kilts.
Ok. Thanks for all the feedback. I know bride was planning in December to go shopping for wedding dress with her relatives. No idea if that happened. She said her mom was saying for her to tell her what color to wear and where wedding will be held and she will be there.
I honestly donāt know where she is on finding her dress and anything related to the wedding other than the venue.
Itās funnyāI canāt recall my MIL ever having a conversation with me or my mom
about colors or dresses when i got married. I guess times have changed? I can still return everything I have ordered ā NRack gives a 40 day return window.
If anything fits perfectly and Iām really in love with it, and the price is right, I may send a photo to S & fiancĆ©e, like we sent photo of H in suit.
When I got married I made it easy on everyone. I sent a picture of my dress and flowers and told them to wear what they like. My Mom and MIL had a phone call and both agreed to wear something long. Colors were never discussed. In retrospect, I might have said to MIL, āplease no bubble gum pink!ā and to my Mom, āthat Tanzanian dress youāve owned for ten years isnāt as dressy as you think it is.ā But it was fine. They were happy. And I definitely did not want a matchy-matchy look.
I think what has changed is that social media enables us to hear more stories about various traditions. MOB choosing dress first was definitely a thing for my MIL in 1984 (upstate NY), and I get a feeling it was a thing at her wedding 30 years prior.