The Offical Joke Thread of 2012

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

<p>Post your Favorite Jokes> (Please no dirty, racist, or inappropriate jokes)</p>

<p>This fellow, having split from his latest girlfriend, decided to take a holiday. He booked himself on a cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.</p>

<p>He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts. After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.</p>

<p>In disbelief, he asks, ‘Where did you come from? How did you get here?’ She replies, ‘I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here when my cruise ship sank.’</p>

<p>‘Amazing,’ he notes. ‘You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you.’ ‘Oh, this thing?’ explains the woman. ‘I made the boat out of raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree.’</p>

<p>‘But, where did you get the tools?’</p>

<p>‘Oh, that was no problem,’ replied the woman. ‘On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware.’</p>

<p>The guy is stunned.</p>

<p>‘Let’s row over to my place,’ she says. After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.</p>

<p>While the woman ties up the row boat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, ‘It’s not much but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like a drink?’</p>

<p>‘No! No thank you,’ he blurts out, still dazed. ‘I can’t take another drop of coconut juice.’ ‘It’s not coconut juice,’ winks the woman. ‘I have a still. How would you like a Pina Colada?’</p>

<p>Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, ‘I’m going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor in the bathroom cabinet.’</p>

<p>No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.</p>

<p>‘This woman is amazing,’ he muses. ‘What next?’</p>

<p>When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her.</p>

<p>‘Tell me,’ she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, ‘We’ve been out here for many months. You’ve been lonely. There’s something I’m sure you really feel like doing right now, something you’ve been longing for?’ She stares into his eyes…</p>

<p>He swallows excitedly and tears start to form in his eyes…..</p>

<p>"You mean," he exclaims, "You've got ESPN?"</p>

2

<p>Higgs boson particle walks into a Catholic Church. The priest says, you can’t come in here you call yourself the God particle and that’s sacreligious! The Higgs Bosom replies, but without Higgs Boson, how do you have mass?</p>

<p>Shout out to Hank Green for the joke!</p>

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<p>^LOLZ</p>

<p>OP, I thought no dirty jokes :)</p>

4

<p>Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit didn’t like each other very much and one day, whilst they were walking through the woods they came across a golden frog. The frog turned to them and said: “Ooh, I don’t often meet anyone in these parts.” They were amazed that the frog had talked to them.</p>

<p>The golden frog admitted: "Mind you, when I do meet someone I always give them six wishes. You can have three wishes each in this case.</p>

<p>Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish.</p>

<p>Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head.</p>

<p>Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit’s wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish.</p>

<p>Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine.</p>

<p>Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world.</p>

<p>The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish.</p>

<p>Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said: “I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!” and rode off as fast as he could.</p>

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<p>This thread.</p>

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<p>

</p>

<p>/thread</p>

<p>10char</p>

7

<p>The bartender asks “What would you like?”</p>

<p>A neutrino walks into a bar.</p>

<p>*If you can understand this joke, then can we please be best friends? :smiley: *</p>

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<p>What’s santa clause multiplied by i? Real</p>

<p>-Bo Burnham</p>

9

<p>@ATP That might be the best corny joke i have ever heard</p>

10

<p>What do you call and Arab flying a plane?
A pilot.</p>

<p>How do you kill a Janitor?
Shoot him in the face</p>

<p>Why are Jamaicans such good sprinters?
They practice</p>

<p>Anti-Jokes are fun.</p>

<p>LOL EMC2FMA.
I gets it :D</p>

11

<p>“Baby, you must be ESPN, because I can’t keep my eyes off you…”</p>

<p>Not a joke, but :slight_smile:</p>

12

<p>And I’m back with more!</p>

<p>I read a book on Anti-gravity; I just couldn’t put it down.</p>

<p>Bad chemistry jokes? Barium.</p>

<p>Argon walks into a bar, the bartender says, “We don’t serve noble gases here.” Argon doesn’t react.</p>

<p>The Past, Present, and the Future all walk into a bar; it was tense.</p>

<p>How many ears does Spock have? A left ear and right ear and a final frontier.</p>

<p>Heisenberg and Schrodinger are riding in a car when they get pulled over. The cop asks, “Do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenberg responds, “No but I can tell you exactly where I was.” The cop thinks this peculiar response is grounds for a search. He finds a dead cat in the trunk and says, “Do you guys know there is a dead cat in your car?” Schrodinger replies, “Well I do now!”</p>

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<p>nerd jokes are amazing xD</p>

<p>What did Batman say before Robin got in the car?
“Get in the car.”</p>

<p>another anti-joke</p>

14

<p>What did the triangle say to the circle?
“your life seems so pointless”</p>

<p>/killmeplease</p>

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<p>@ShadowMist I just thought you should know that everyone in my summer Alg II class got a kick out of the bear and rabbit joke.</p>

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<p>Spanish never came easily to my sister. So when she messed up on the job at her Mexican restaurantjob, she slapped her forehead and apologized saying, “Me estupido.”
One day her coworker told her, “you aren’t estupido!”
My sisters face lit up.“Really?”
"You are a woman, so you are estupid</p>