<p>I think the point is that texting out test scores to anyone except your spouse is crass. </p>
<p>Why would the parent of the kid that got a 26 feel bad about it? Should I have felt bad when S didn’t make the debate team or didn’t hit a home run to win a game one day or became an All-County swimmer? I was glad for the students that accomplished those things because they competed fairly and excelled in their specialties not sad for S.</p>
<p>@J’adoube, the chess tournament is a semi-public event; presumably scores are posted somewhere for everyone to see. In that case, it’s known who won and how everyone in the tournament placed. And hopefully the kids are learning how to win and lose graciously.</p>
<p>No one needs to know a child’s exact test scores, even (especially?) if s/he participates in TIPS or CTY. One nephew has gone to CTY summer programs since middle school but I haven’t a clue what his tests scores are. What I know is he likes the camps, he’s made friends, and of course, he’s a bright student but not because of a test score. </p>
<p>We tell kids who are not high stats that they are not their GPA or SAT/ACT scores. I think high stat kids need to be told the same message.</p>
<p>@SlackerMomMD has hit the nail on the head, IMO. Some things are public, and some things are private. I’ve been thinking about this since the kerfuffle over the Kwasi Enin’s essay. </p>
<p>Being awarded an NMF scholarship, going to CTY, and winning a debate tournament are public events. In some communities, so is making the honor roll or getting a 4.0 GPA. Sometimes getting a 36 on the ACT or a 2400 on the SAT are, too. </p>
<p>But, in general, testing is not a sport, and a test score is not a trophy. Exact test scores are a means to an end, not an accomplishment to be celebrated. Something you keep to yourself…like, in my case, my BMI, my exact weight, and my age. 
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<p>I agree with intparent. The only people who know my daughter’s GPA, PLAN test, middle school stuff and junior year test scores are my husband, other daughter (if she asks) and my parents. My friends share their kids scores and GPA all the time and it makes me uncomfortable because I refuse to share back any specific details. These people already know the range that my daughter is in due to the classes she takes, etc. Nothing good will come from me discussing scores with my friend who is frustrated because her daughter took the ACT 3 times and got a 25 ( which, by the way, is fine and will absolutely get her into most schools on her list). I feel that middle school SAT’s, high PLAN test scores, etc are best kept to immediate family. Yes I have discussed some of this ( in general terms) on the 2015 parent thread, but only when I sense that the other parents kids in the discussion are similar. </p>
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<p>You wouldn’t know it from the way some people act. There is a lot of smugness among a subset of people at our school not just about test scores but about piling up the AP and honors classes, getting impressive-sounding summer jobs (often because a parent works at the local university, our state flagship), and otherwise showing off how exceptional their kids are. Neither of my kids were caught up in this but I have some friends whose kids are, and they spend a lot of time being miserable because there’s always someone more accomplished than they are.</p>
<p>I think, too, how the score is mentioned and in what context makes a difference. Say, for example, “Little Snowflake got a 32 on her ACT, which means she qualifies for State U’s honor college and an automatic scholarship! That is going to make this whole college application so much easier!” vs. “Little Snowflake got a 32 on her ACT. She’s so gifted. By the way, what did your little DogDirt get?” </p>
<p>I guess I mean, the 32 didn’t even have to be mentioned. Some parents do this very well - they say, “child A’s latest scores qualifies for XYZ (automatic scholarship/honors program/etc) at State Flagship U. That takes the financial pressure off!” without ever mentioning a number. Others say their child got into a very selective summer program without mentioning their child’s qualifying stats. The focus shifts from the number to the activity or college. I’m not saying, don’t be proud of your child. I’d just rather the focus be on the activity/college and child’s interests than the number.</p>
<p>Aren’t these “top 5% of test scores” kids in academic competition with each other? I think the competition only gets tougher as you approach the end of high school and beyond. To me the main point is, as SlackermMomMD says “…and hopefully the kids are learning how to win and lose graciously.” The kids handle these things a lot better than the parents.
sally305: “… they spend a lot of time being miserable because there’s always someone more accomplished than they are.” That applies to everything. Isn’t that something everybody should learn (the sooner the better) so that you are not miserable for the rest of your life?</p>
<p>At least texting is private. I’ve had friends post their kids ACT scores on Facebook!!</p>
<p>And you can’t always share with family. My ds took the ACT in 7th grade and scored a 29. Thank goodness his cousin (who was a senior in high school at the time) had recently gotten a 30. If ds had done has well as she, I probably wouldn’t have shared at all. </p>
<p>While I was always proud of ds’s test scores, I did remind him that they did not define him. </p>
<p>Sorry I didn’t read the whole thread but imo test scores are the takers’ private information, and it is never appropriate for a parent to divulge them without express permission. </p>
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<p>My kid doesn’t see it that way. She is always so excited to find another truly gifted (and interesting, as she says!) kid. She also does NOT want publicity for her scores. She got a 35 on the ACT with no studying except trying one of each section the weekend before the test to see what the questions were like. And decided not to retake for a 36, partly because she said, “That would bring a lot of unwanted attention.” And also because given her list of schools, I knew her scores and credentials were plenty strong enough for admissions without it. Which turned out to be true. Her most important criteria for picking a college was finding a place where the most students were “sparky” (her term for very bright) and interested in learning for the sake of knowledge. She couldn’t care less about being competitive or “beating” other students. </p>
<p>That’s why I said that the kids handle it better than the adults. Especially the sparky, very bright, or highly gifted. The literature on the rationale of the Johns Hopkins CTY and Duke TIP should be required reading for parents of middle school children.</p>
<p>Tell the people who will be truly happy-- Grandma and your best friend. Broadcasting tends not to make life easier for the child-- I suspect too it has repercussions beyond sparking a slight negative response in others. When my daughter was younger, I kept remarking on her beauty and other people did as well. She was always the fairest of them all (in my eyes anyway). She now has a somewhat wary relationship with her looks, resists haircuts, rejects makeup, and dresses down-- too much pressure? I didn’t do her any favors. Your kid’s accomplishments will became clear as she gets older-- really truly, talking about it will create distance and give rise to scrutiny that doesn’t have to be there.</p>
<p>Demeron2 - Don’t be too hard on yourself. Some teens just prefer a more casual look. </p>
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<p>My best friend has a D in D2’s class – 19 ACT, took a gap year, is headed to trade school in the fall. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, I think it is the best fit for her D and will work out well for her. But I sure didn’t tell her my D’s scores, there just didn’t seem to be an upside to that. And Grandma… hoo, boy. We had a terrible time with my parents thinking D2 MUST go to HYPS or we were “shortchanging” her. We did tell Grandma her middle school scores, but in retrospect that was a mistake.</p>
<p>We had an unusual variant on the problem mentioned by the OP. We did not have QMP’s middle-school SAT scores sent to the school district office. One of the parents somehow got hold of the scores that <em>were</em> sent to the district office and noticed that QMP’s scores were not there, but knew that QMP had participated in the talent search. QMP would not tell anyone what the scores were–not in a teasing way, just in an “It’s private, and I am not telling” kind of way. Apparently this drove one of the other participants around the bend, because he hit QMP in an attempt to get the scores . . . twice, on separate occasions.</p>
<p>Later, I heard that a (different) parent was sharing QMP’s supposed scores with another, at the local hair salon. Actually, they were someone else’s scores.</p>
<p>Many CC posters can be glad they don’t live on our district. Pizzagirl is always complaining about the nosiness of people who just happen to remember assorted facts about students in the same class with their children. We live with a whole different league of nosiness.</p>
<p>Incidentally, I started telling QMP in first or second grade that smart people don’t worry about who’s smarter.</p>
<p>Be careful. THe atmosphere is so competitive, the jealousies so intense, that sharing a success will open you to a lot of negativity, even in this forum here. People will accuse you of bragging, criticize you for the way you are telling them, even impugn your motives, etc. </p>
<p>Some of the best advice I got was to tell people if they ask, but otherwise don’t volunteer the info. While this can be hard to do if you feel pride, it has worked for us.</p>
<p>I actually don’t even tell grandma anymore. She didn’t attend college, so she doesn’t know what the scores mean, and all of her kids did their college apps on their own and paid for their own college… (I’m not sure if she is just making conversation or brings it up because she knows it’s an important factor for college admission. However, she has no reference point for interpreting the data.) We made the mistake of answering her question with DK1 and it spread among all of the aunts and uncles and we had to keep hearing comments about it at family gatherings.</p>
<p>Even when asked directly, I now just say “pretty good” except for on cc or with friends that are using me as a makeshift college counselor.</p>
<p>^ When DS got into his college SCEA in December, we also did not tell his grandparents till May of the next year.
When DS got into a professional school, they would not care either so we even did not tell them at all.</p>
<p>My wife actually said something that reflects the situation we are in: Except for his parents, his early-year English tutor/our neighbor back then (a nice old lady who we “hired” for teaching him English for about 5 years - she then donated the “tuition” to her church) and his long time private music teacher since his preschool years, no one in the whole world would be truly happy for him for these. So why bother telling anybody?!</p>
<p>Every family is different. Like what is said (by Scout’s father?) in “To kill a mockingbird”, you really do not know how another person feels unless you wear his shoes and walk around as if you were him.</p>