The Paradox Of Sexual Selection

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>This is something I have observed from being a very social guy who enjoys interacting with people.</p>

<p>The guys and girls each have their own attitudes toward sex which is perpetuated by each other.</p>

<p>Girls are much more sexually selective than guys.
If a girl is decently attractive, a guy will want to sleep with her.
A guy can change his looks but if he doesn't have the 'game', no girl will sleep with the guy.</p>

<p>Girls KNOW that guys aren't that selective when it comes to picking girls- so that allows them to be more selective, since they feel that if they reject a guy that another guy will want to have sex with them anyway.</p>

<p>Guys KNOW that if they reject a girl that they may not have another chance for a long time to have sex, so they often can't afford to be so selective- unless you are rich, unbelievably attractive, and/or 'have the game'. </p>

<p>Girls often complain that guys are horndogs but that is because girls are so quick to reject guys.
Guys often complain that girls are too narrow but that is because they know that most guys will want to have sex with them- so, "Why go to Tufts when you can go to Harvard?"</p>

<p>Each sex's sexual behavior reinforces the other sex's behavior.
This is the paradox. </p>

<p>I have been posting this theory to all the forums I'm an active member of, I think the perspective of College Confidential will be the most interesting since this is by far the most intelligent of the communities.</p>

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<p>Girls are like artificial intelligence in videogames. Once you figure out the A.I., you're set. Like a videogame, you have to play the game a long time and get the proper upgrades to become good at the game.</p>

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<p>
[quote]

Each sex's sexual behavior reinforces the other sex's behavior.
This is the paradox.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Why is that a paradox?</p>

<p>It looks like girls adapt to boys' actions, boys adapt to girls' actions, and in the process each one reinforces the other until an equilibrium is reached, a byproduct of rational decision-making.</p>

<p>As for why the reinforcement occurred in those particular directions, look towards evolutionary science?
The</p>

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<p>The standard evolutionary explanation is that a guy can fertilize x women every day, while a woman can only get pregnant once a year. That's why women have to be much more selective when selecting their partners.</p>

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<p>Haven't taken game theory, but I think if all guys were able to talk to each other and agree to do it, roles could be just as easily the opposite, though there is probably also some intrinsic biological component that favors this role for girls. Either way, it can probably be overcome.</p>

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<p>I focus on what I like to do-- music, academics, and research-- and ignore dating in general. About 5 girls have asked me out so far, which is surprising, because I'm very introverted, haven't asked out any girls myself, and don't go to clubs or things like that. So the girls that have asked are really outgoing (obviously). Don't ask me why, I'm surprised myself. I haven't experienced what you are talking about firsthand.</p>

<p>But from what I have seen with my friends, your observations are right on target... no doubt this influences the idea that the man should pay for everything, and some girls' sense of entitlement... this is reminding me why I ignore dating.</p>

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<p>"no doubt this influences the idea that the man should pay for everything"
I don't know a single girl who believes that, and I have known only one guy who held that idea- he was incredibly egotistical and chauvinistic. If you dated, you would realize this.</p>

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<p>Girls being more sexually selective than guys is not only reinforced biologically as b@!um said, but also socially, as it's largely more acceptable for guys to have more partners or be more indiscriminate about their partners than a girl.</p>

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<p>^^hit the nail on the head; thread now unnecessary..</p>

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<p>Men, being that they are capable of producing many offspring at once, do not need to discriminate. Women only get, as b@r!um said, one chance per year to produce offspring that will survive. Women also have a drastically shorter period in which they can reproduce. Aggression, symmetrical features, physical dominance, all are indicators of good genetics that help to ensure the survival of offspring. In mating, metaphorically, men use shotguns while women use pistols.</p>

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<p>" Aggression, symmetrical features, physical dominance" - then why can't Tyrone, the muscular, tattooed, gang member get any woman he wants? It's much more complicated than that. Never underestimate social/cultural factors. Humans are not animals, we can transcend nature and evolution- occasionally.</p>

<p>Being a gun nut, I do not understand your metaphor. Men use light support weapons, they shoot bullets everywhere hoping they can get lucky and get the opfor. Alpha males use heavy machine guns, high rate of fire, heavy bolt and barrel, and a large caliber round means they are both accurate and able to deliver a ton of lead downrange. Women use bolt action rifles, because each shot must count.</p>

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<p>the gun metaphor as ambiguity uses it refers to the idea that shotguns fire a burst of pellets that spread out, hoping to catch the target in front of you while the pistol fires a single, more directed shot.</p>

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<p>Hmm...there's also so many social stigmas that go along with sexuality - particularly female sexuality - that it makes things more complex than you may think...</p>

<p>For example, a girl may very much WANT to sleep with a guy (or several guys) she knows but will wait for the guy to make any sort of first move because....
A. she doesn't want to seem too eager/desperate (remember, guys are "supposed" to make the first move) and the guy may be too introverted or embarrased to do anything, so she'll think he's unintersted in her, therefore it never happens.
B. she doesn't want the slut reputation that goes along with girls having casual sex.
C. rejection for girls is extremely hard (not saying it's not hard for guys as well, but as you said before, guys are percieved - at least in our society - as never saying no to sex...so if a guy denies a girl sex this will take a huge toll on her self-esteem making it harder for her to interact with guys in the future, show interest in them, etc.)</p>

<p>so what i'm saying here is, girls may not be quite as selective as you think, alot of their percieved "selectivity" is really due to their fears of making a move, or even just seeming interested.</p>

<p>also, you make it sound like all girls KNOW that all guys aren't that picky (if you look decent, most guys will want to bang you, is your theory). this may be true - i'm not a guy so i have no way of confirming this - but look at it this way. if all girls really KNEW and accepted this theory, why would us girls spend sooo much time, energy, and money on trying to look good and compete? if we knew it would only take most of us a few minutes everyday to look decent and then all of us okay-looking girls thought we had the pick of the litter when it comes to guys, then why do girls obsess and pick apart their appearances so much? to put it simply, i think there's plenty of girls who believe that guys are alot pickier than you make them out to be.</p>

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<p>I think you all just think about these sorts of things wayyy too much. It can not possibly be beneficial to you...</p>

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<p>It is a paradox because guys and girls are doing things which they think will improve the probability of having sex, but in reality, it actually decreases it.</p>

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<p>Perhaps it is not a paradox once you look at why they would have sex. The payoff for having sex is high. But, it's MUCH higher for having sex with the right person, socially. Indeed, if the goal of both genders is to have as much sex as possbile then perhaps, it would be a game-theory style paradox. </p>

<p>Yet, I don't really care about having sex in general, I'd rather have sex with some who all my friends think is hot, then some random girl. Thus, it is important for my friends to want to have sex with her since if I do get to do it then I'd get "prestige" points which are, in certain cases, much more dramatic and useful than simple sex. </p>

<p>The fact that a really well-liked and sought after girl likes you is much more powerful than having sex with 20 different women. At least, that's how I feel. </p>

<p>I suppose girls feel the same way, although, I have no idea since I'm a guy. Also, it is only my personal opinion.</p>

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<p>The reason girls spend hours and small fortunes on clothes, makeup, and hair is not increased chances of sex - if you pass minimal standards, you can get laid any time you want.</p>

<p>It's because girls are always seeking to maintain or increase social value; girls are always trying to rise in the social hierarchy.</p>

<p>Be honest, the clothes and all that stuff is mostly for other girls. No hetero guy gives a shoot if you have a Louis Vuitton bag, let alone recognize one.</p>

<p>But most of the extra effort is also to land one of the top-dog guys, the top 5%, the cream of the crop guys. Hilariously enough, in my opinion, these top guys experience the reverse of the OP's roles: inundated with so many easy, attractive options, they become selective as hell.</p>

<p>But the OP brings up a good point with his theory.
You can say girl's selectivity is biological or social, but it's also situational like OP implies.</p>

<p>Let's just say that all males on the Earth, collectively, en masse, suddenly decided to be a lot more selective, let's say --- only have sex a maximum of once a month---</p>

<p>well, haha, I think you'll know what would happen.</p>

<p>Standards plumetting, girls chasing guys.</p>

<p>The hottest of the hot girls bagging 20-30 guys a month. Most other lesser girls often rejected, albeit politely, b/c guys want to keep their female friends around (although they are not interested in anyone who doesn't look like a supermodel).</p>

<p>Guys begin writing lists of goofy demands for partners, because they can.</p>

<p>Majority of girls start becoming desperate for sex. Guys grow annoyed at their advances; they already have a very attractive fkbddy, why settle for less? Girls ridiculed in public, laughed at for being horny, sexual animals.</p>

<p>Yep quite an interesting theory lol.</p>

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<p>peter_parker's hypothetical situation explains my theory well.
Girls really run the show, not the guys.</p>

<p>Another important reason is that there are more girls which make the 'desirability' requirement for guys than vice versa.</p>

<p>It looks way more idiotic for ten guys to be fighting over the same girl than vice versa.</p>

<p>Sure, a guy may be 'picky' in the sense, that he won't have sex with a fat girl who doesn't take care of herself- but all she has to do is lose the fat and take showers more often and more guys will want her. She doesn't have to change her attitude or her self-esteem.</p>

<p>I understand the biological and social reasons but the world isn't black and white, there's more than one cause for most effects.</p>

<p>Girls are much more irrational than guys because they can afford to be.
Girls like messing around with guys' heads, since it gives them power. </p>

<p>I'll contrast two of my friends.
One of my friends is a brilliant, thoughtful guy who is a little shy.
He is really good friends with a girl. At parties, I always see him checking on her because the stupid chick always drinks more than she should.
He always spends hours a week talking to her online and hangs out with her. She calls him 'her best friend'.
However, she always goes out with guys who don't treat her well.</p>

<p>One guy she is going out with is another of my friends.
He's a funny guy who can drink a lot but he's arrogant, rude, and only cares about himself.
He cheated on this chick but she forgives him and wants to stay in the relationship with her- while my 'nice guy' friend is simply consoling her and letting her know that things will work out with the jerk. I know that the 'jerk' cheated on her because he wanted to get out of the relationship but he thinks she's psycho and is actually afraid to break up with her.</p>

<p>Wouldn't things be easier if she just went out with the 'nice guy'?</p>

<p>Ugh! Women are silly because they can afford to be!
The latter guy makes her more horny, so she acts like a dumbass.
She knows that she can sleep with the nice guy anytime she wants.
The nice guy is failing at getting laid because he is so focused on only her.
If he was less selective and mingled more with other chicks, he might find one who thinks, "HE IS THE GUY I TOTALLY WANTTTTTTTTT"</p>

<p>Yet again, my theory of sexual selection in action..</p>

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<p>I would like to think that most college-aged girls aren't like the one 174IQPartier is talking about.
Correct me if I wrong.
Overall, I think it's a valid theory.</p>

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<p>WAYYYY too much thinking about Game...you must go to MIT. :)</p>