The Uber Cool & Awesome "Score My Essay" Thread!

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Feel free to post essays here if you want them scored!</p>

<hr>

<p>Prompt
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.</p>

<p>Knowledge is power. In agriculture, medicine, and industry, for example, knowledge has liberated us from hunger, disease, and tedious labor. Today, however, our knowledge has become so powerful that it is beyond our control. We know how to do many things, but we do not know where, when, or even whether this know-how should be used.</p>

<p>Assignment:
Can knowledge be a burden rather than a benefit? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Essay:</p>

<p>Knowledge is the very foundation of a society that seeks to perfect and innovate itself. Over centuries, knowledge has bestowed upon us a great wealth of benefits, most notably its achievements in the medical field. Yet, knowledge is still a victim of controversy, often criticized or praised for its "benefits" or "burdens" when truthfully it is neither the former or the latter. Like a gun, it is a human-controlled tool that brings about ambivalent outcomes to society.</p>

<p>Along with a wealth of knowledge comes the power to make course altering decisions. But when this knowledge is shared with the general populace, any negativity and potential harm is immediately voice. The protest of America fueling the war in Vietnam was not spun of oxygen molecules. It was the product of sharing knowledge- knowledge that four consecutive presidents had tried to hide from the american public: the CIA investigated papers stating that America could never win the war.</p>

<p>Knowledge is what one makes of it. Knowledge alone can not be a burden or a benefit. It is simply a piece of information that anticipates human interpretation. Henry Kissinger was aware that logistically it was impossible for America to win. The army was not trained for the climate nor guerrilla warfare tactics that the Vietnamese took for granted. Knowing this, Kissinger effectively put an end to the war, declaring that "there is light at the end of the tunnel."</p>

<p>On the contrary, politicians, salespeople and real estate agents often abuse the ignorance of knowledge for monetary or megalomaniacal purposes. But, as state in 'Freakonomics,' our world is becoming increasingly globalized and information is being dissipated at the speed of light.</p>

<p>In conclusion, one must not mistakingly label selfish human intentions as a "burden" of knowledge and resist the irresistible lure of personifying knowledge as some sort of omnipotent being. Knowledge has no hands or arms, knowledge has no conscientious- to scapegoat knowledge for our global problems would be rather silly indeed.</p>

<p>(And then I ran out of time and space... -_-)</p>

2

<p>Although the concept of the essay is creative and the examples do broadly solidify the thesis, some parts seem ambiguous to me. It would be helpful to add some more background context to examples i.e. war in Vietnam - what year, how did knowledge or lack thereof specifically correlate to the outcome of the war, etc. and in the second example, “Henry Kissinger” is introduced as a figure abruptly again with no pretext. Remember, you have to assume that the reader knows nothing about your examples at all. The third example regarding politicians and salespeople seemed very rushed with limited insightful link to thesis.</p>

<p>I did, however, find that the conclusion was very well done and summed up your thesis nicely. I would avoid using the words, “In conclusion” though and use a less common transition i.e. “Thus,” “Therefore,” “As such,” , etc.</p>

<p>Overall, not bad format + planning but ensure that details and pretexts are appropriately added to examples.</p>

<p>10/12</p>

3

<p>Thank you, that was very helpful and I think you hit it spot on :)</p>

<p>Anymoreee?</p>

4

<p>“Feel free to post essays here if you want them scored!”
So I follow :slight_smile: a rewritten version though; appreciate any comment</p>

<p>Assignment: Is the world changing for the better? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your readings, studies, experience, and observations.</p>

<p>Even though human society has experienced numerous threats and destructions, it continues to move forward for the better as human beings learn from failures. Learning from WW II, we deal with international issues more successfully; learning from the Enron Scandal, we realize and then promote the importance of business ethics. </p>

<p>Many people hold that WW II has been the most disastrous event throughout history, but they ignore the long period of peace and prosperity we have been enjoying after the war, achieved by learning from that important lesson. In addition to the many achievements such as strong economic growth, unprecedented pace of technological advancement, we have learned to settle disputes and conflicts by exchanging values, not by using violence. The IMF, UN and many other international organizations that aim to solve conflicts between nations and help promoting global development, eliminating poverty and protecting human right all achieve great success. Rather than being pessimistic about the future, we aim at building an international society to replace a world divided by borders; the result – a world of much less conflicts and hatred, but much more cooperation and dialogue. </p>

<p>Learning from disasters helps us to build a better world in which economic developments have become the fundamental driving force. The Enron Scandal, causing great loss to the company’s shareholder, revealed many issues including ethics, morality, government regulation and so forth. Nevertheless, the solution to the problem is not to negate the meaning of business activities, but to amend the accounting standards and enforce new rules to regulate such immoral conducts. In particular, the Sarbanes-Oxley Act aiming to prevent such issues from repeating indicates that we are heading toward a society capable of self-improvement. </p>

<p>The many imperfections we observe in daily lives lead many people to conclude that the world is not changing for the better. However, we should judge on the outlook of our society, but not on the present. As the first example shows, even though wars are threats to humanity, we are able to direct the world to a more peaceful path by avoiding repeating mistakes. Similarly, the Enron Scandal is a revelation of the flaws with our economic system, a chance for us to improve. By learning from the history and failure, we propel our world to a better, even though far from perfect, world.</p>