<p>all I have to say is, if it’s this crazy now, imagine what it will be like in 50 years. Curing cancer/writing a bestseller/starting a nonprofit/ scoring a perfect 4800 on the SAT 6 will be required or something.</p>
<p>No one in my high school had a 4.0. I took four APs as a senior, which was considered a lot. We had a required Wednesday program where there were no classes, but instead we did various community service projects or internships, so I had worked in a residential day care program for children whose parents were incarcerated, tutored at a public school, worked for a Congressman on Capitol Hill, and interned at The Washington Monthly before I graduated. I can’t remember what I did every summer, but one summer I went to a program where I took paintings in the morning and played math games or went rock climbing in the afternoons. Another summer I worked at a USIS library in Tanzania. I performed in modern dance, was on the yearbook and the newspaper, played in a recorder group and was active both in my local Girl Scout troop (earning the equivalent of the Gold Award) and the district Girl Scout Council. I had plenty of time to read a lot of historical fiction and romance novels. The difference - I took the SAT1s twice with minimal prep (vocab exercises in English), and the SAT2s once with no prep. I applied to three colleges and U Penn was my safety (!). In my graduating class of 80, 6 went to Harvard, 4 to Yale and 2 to Princeton.</p>
<p>That said my oldest rarely did more than three hours of homework, only practiced the SAT essay, had two school ECs (Science Olympiad and Academic Team) and spent hours of free time messing around with computer programming and reading (approximately 100 sci fi and fantasy books a year.) He got into Harvard (admittedly as a legacy) and Carnegie Mellon. He did have great scores and was in the top 1% of the class.</p>
<p>S2 is beginning to feel more stressed about academics this year - or at least the second half of this year (he’s a junior), but is not aiming at HYPMS. I don’t know if he’ll get into his reach schools, but I’m pretty confident that he’ll get in to some nice schools. He’s got at least one unusual activity as well as a decent set of activities he’s involved in at school.</p>
<p>Pressure in this process is entirely self-imposed. Our son was a very good student(SAT-1400+, rank-top 6%) but not at a calibre to compete with students whose eyes were set on HYP or similar hypercompetitive college. In addition we never impose any expectations on him in regard to college choices. In fact there was little discussion whatsoever except for the jr year talk regarding what we were willing to pay out of our retirement savings.</p>
<p>As a result he never felt pressured to achieve strait A’s, choose EC’s to enhance the “resume”, or get hung up on enrolling in a reach college. He had an utterly normal hs experience, formed his own garage band and worked summers lifeguarding at the lake down the street. He had a blast during hs and in his sr yrar.</p>
<p>He did do lots of work researching colleges and even visited six jr/sr year. He used the common application almost exclusively and had it preped in one evening. He did his essay in over one weekend. He applied to only strong matches and strong safeties, got all his apps in by October and recieved an acceptance before Christmas.</p>
<p>By never setting his sights to stratopheric levels he entered RPI a happy and excited young adult again with no pressure or expectations to achieve beyond what hard work would ensure.</p>
<p>That was our parenting style, to avoid high expectations and undue pressure. All we ever asked was that he take school seriously and do all work expected to the best of his ability.</p>
<p>It was a totally different world when I applied to college. I had a couple sports, worked on the school newspaper and maybe was in another club or two (hard to remember, since it was over 30 years ago). My only community service was tutoring inner city kids once a week. I did all of those things because I wanted to, with nary a thought of college admissions. During the summers I had a minimum wage retail job and did a lot of babysitting - because I wanted/needed the money, unrelated to college admissions. I did have a very high GPA, but my school didn’t have honors courses and there was only one AP course offered. There was nothing like dual enrollment. And this was a high school that sent 100% of its graduates to 4 year colleges. I was National Merit Commended, but I didn’t do any SAT prep at all and didn’t know anyone else who did. The first time I saw an SAT test of any kind was when I sat down in the test room. I wasn’t aiming for top schools; I only applied to the state flagship (Penn State) and the school down the road (Villanova) and I was accepted at both. There was no agonizing over essays - I think I completed all of my applications in less than 2 hours. </p>
<p>I cannot believe what kids go through today. I feel bad for my daughters who will be going through the process and who are already trying to figure out ECs, what their “passions” are, how to balance taking the honors courses with getting the highest unweighted GPA possible, etc. Of course, they’re going to be applying to schools I never would have dreamed of. I never even considered going out of state for undergrad. My parents, aunts and uncles and cousins had all gone to local schools and most had commuted. I don’t think any of my kids or their friends would consider commuting for a minute. It’s a two edged sword. They’re under more stress, but they have a lot more options and opportunities.</p>
<p>Never heard of APs in high school. Never thought to study for ACT/SAT. By some miracle got good scores. Did what I wanted: music and I read every chance I had. I am pre-Title IX–not much opportunity for sports outside of gym class. Got into my top choice U.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t stand a chance now with that background.</p>
<p>In the mid-late '60’s I knew I would go to college, but that was all I knew. Nobody ever mentioned anything about gpa or class rank being important. We took the ACT one time only and later in the year took the SAT (the morning after a school dance). There was no prep. I started working the day I turned 16 and continued all through college. My all girl Catholic high school gave us plenty of opportunity to participate in clubs, and very little in sports. (We tried so many creative excuses to avoid PE classes.) My favorite EC was participating in the musicals put on by the all-boy Catholic school down the road. We didn’t do drugs or drink (much), but listened to lots of music, walked through our Chicago neighborhood and hung out with friends. I picked my first college because the Admissions Counselor was so cute and drove a cool car. It made all the sense in the world to me back then. 
I transferred after a semester. That’s when I could finally make smart decisions by thinking about what was best long-term.</p>
<p>Flash forward to my 2 daughters. Drive them everywhere, give them chances to try any kind of activity - sports, dance, band, piano, orchestra, martial arts, art, computer camp, touring choirs. Some lasted for weeks and some for years. By the time they were in high school they selected their EC’s because it was what they enjoyed doing. When I would mention that a certain achievement of theirs would look great on their college applications, they just rolled their eyes at me. They were happy - except for the one prep class I made them take - and I’m a little bit glad that they didn’t get caught up in the frenzy. (They let me handle any family frenzy.) They worked a lot harder in high school than I did and took lots of AP’s. They had lots of late nights, especially after practices, games, meets, etc. One girl knew early on what college she wanted and her sister was clueless. Even though it took them a long time to begin thinking about which schools to visit, they made their decisions for a much better reason than I did. They are in very different kinds of programs but doing just what they want and will graduate next month. And they won’t let me forget that none of their Admissions Counselors drove sports cars. :)</p>
<p>Mathmom -</p>
<p>Yikes! I take it you either didn’t go to a middlin’ public HS or maybe you’re a youngster - I’ve never met anyone my age (my circle is kinda small) ever had experiences like yours in HS.</p>
<p>DadofB&G-I know some people who are my age and had high-pressure high-school experiences; they all lived in affluent communities on the east coast. I attended a high school that was considered one of the best in the state but I was in the Midwest. As mentioned above, I never heard of an AP class.</p>
<p>^
Same here - nor SAT prep courses, nor 99 percent of the colleges we all blithely chatter on about here…</p>
<p>My biggest childhood complaint “I’m BORED!”. My mom’s reply “Find something to do, I’m not your social director!” or “Why don’t you clean your room” (that usually managed to get me out of her hair as I was out the door like a shot to avoid the dreaded room cleaning!)</p>
<p>My oldest son is very self directed and ambitious. But my youngest is more like me and a lazy day reading or catching minnows in the creek (which I still enjoy) or–especially–hanging out with his friends, is what he wants to do and I am encouraging him to do it. </p>
<p>You are only 12, 13, 14 once. He is an excellent student and likes hard classes and does his best. Other than that he likes to relax. He has PLENTY of time to join the rat race and if that means he “misses out” on the big prestige schools –> fine with me.</p>
<p>It is hard to avoid the pressure and I don’t want him to have any regrets so we check in about it here and there. But, I admit, I hope he doesn’t trade in street ball for football or creek mucking for the debate team unless he really wants to do it.</p>
<p>I graduated high school in 1976. I knew I was going to college, but I didn’t stress over it at all. I did horribly on the SATs…but only took it once. I think there were maybe 2 aps at my school (all math or science). We had what was called an AE curriculum, in which I took part. But, the grades weren’t weighted. I was a B+ student.</p>
<p>I applied to ONE school. A small private school several hours away. I received half scholarship. (I think it cost about $8000 a year to go there back then!). After a year and a half I couldn’t stand the thought of my dad paying all that money and transferred to my local state school (where I graduated…and met my husband!) I did go to grad school.</p>
<p>The thing is, I didn’t give one thought to prestige or rankings. I would have applied to UCLA (I’m a Californian!), but thought it was too big and it didn’t have my major. I just wanted to go to college and learn a few things about life and get a degree.</p>
<p>I think it’s harder for the high achieving kids today. My 3 were (are) all different. My oldest S was smart, but an under-achiever. He was totally happy to go to UCSC and earn a degree. He’s now working in Ecuador before he goes to grad school. My middle D had to work hard for every A and B. But she’s an excellent student (studies hard, good work ethic). After going to a Cal State she moved back home, is finishing up her AA and will transfer to the local Cal State and is COMPLETELY HAPPY.</p>
<p>My youngest wanted to go to UCLA from the time he was born. He worked hard. Did all the things he thought he was supposed to do. ECs, etc. He did realize that there were other schools that he would be happy to attend and applied for those. WEll, he didn’t get into UCLA or Cal Poly SLO for engineering…although everything looked like he would. The pressure has been incredible for him. Although he is happy about going to UC Irvine, he is still wondering what he should have done differently while at high school to get into those other schools. I know it’s up to my husband and me to reassure him that he’s a great kid and has wonderful opportunities for life! I just wish there wasn’t so much pressure at such a young age!</p>
<p>It’s a lot tougher now.</p>
<p>
When I wrote it all down, it did sound pretty good didn’t it? I went to a private prep school outside DC. It’s mostly known for the headmistress who murdered her lover, but it was a wonderful school. It’s still very good, but they don’t attract as many strongly academic girls since all the New England boys schools went coed. I graduated in 1973, so I’m no youngster.</p>
<p>^^^</p>
<p>I guess that would be The Madeira School. Lol…I grew up in Scarsdale.</p>
<p>Got it in one. :)</p>
<p>There might be more pressure for some students today, but D really isn’t that stressed. She is very organized and motivated and her EC’s (mostly dance & theater) are her passions, so the time spent on them is a happy time for her.
I didn’t really have a passion in high school and I don’t remember anyone who did. We had a limited number of EC’s at school, virtually no community activities for teens and no sports for girls until my senior year (1973-1974). I worked from the time I was 15, and so did everyone else I knew except 2 friends (who were siblings) whose dad didn’t let them work. Spent every dime I made on fashionable clothes and makeup.
My school offered no AP classes, honors in Math and English only and very few people took them. I was in honors math which was not my favorite subject but was my favorite class because it was challenging and we had the same 20 kids in the class every year and we became friends (across many varied social groups) and had a lot of fun together. I was a good student but classes were easy and boring. Like many of my classmates, I attended community college after high school. GC’s only bothered with the small number of students who were going to 4 year schools right away. The school was into the 70’s “feel good” thing, so academic achievement was de-emphasized, and there seemed to be little motivation. I honestly think D would have hated it!
I think some of the pressure today is self imposed. Even the top students in my class did not aspire to attend Ivies or other top rated schools. Now even the students in the lower half of D’s class turn up their noses at the idea of the cc.</p>
<p>Most kids do not have horrible pressure for colleges. Where my current sophomore in high school goes to school, nearly every single kid goes to college but few really sweat the process. Most of the kids will have no problem getting accepted to their choices. So it is for most kids who are planning on going to college.</p>
<p>Where the screw starts to turn tightly is when you are looking at the highly selective colleges. When you are looking at schools that reject more kids than they accept, you are entering a world where you have a good chance of getting rejected. So that’s when things start getting tough. Of all of the colleges in this country, very few are so selective. It is the true minority of schools that cause this sort of stress.</p>
<p>I think part of the college frenzy that has become more widespread is because more kids are applying to these selective schools. It used to be that unless you had a connection of sorts to some of these “top” schools, you just did not apply to them. Now it is an open market and anyone with the grades and test scores is welcome to apply, and more kids than ever do. </p>
<p>The other issue is the cost of college. When I went to college many years ago, though we all complained about the cost of private colleges, the ratio of the cost to my father’s income was manageable with savings and financial aid. Now if I look at the pay scales and come up with what someone like my father would be making, the fraction is much larger, and there really is no federal financial aid other than loans available to help with this cost. There were some federal grants that really helped with my college costs that are no longer available to middle income families. In fact, all that is left is the Pell, which does not kick in to any but the lowest income families. A family with the bread winner having the same job my father had would not qualify for federal grants.</p>
<p>Many scholarship programs (National Merit especially comes to mind) are still geared to the old costs. In my day NMF got pretty much their first year tuition paid at the most expensive college. Now that $2500 hardly makes a dent in such schools. Big difference. A number of merit awards have not risen in amounts, still in the $1000 scale when costs have sky rocketed. Heck, I got $1000 for selling candy for our high school scholarship fund (other things taken into account too). I still see those type of awards but they are now literally peanuts compared to the costs of private colleges.</p>
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<p>This is something that is often forgotten in CC World.</p>
<p>Yes, we are just one small corner of the college admissions scene. Mini often reminds us that the average college student goes part time, is in his mid twenties. Our kids are most often the ones applying directly from high school, going away to college, and are looking for a good fit, a good school, selectivity, recognition, etc. I live in a highly competitive area in terms of kids going to college, but even so most kids go locally.</p>
<p>Same in my neighborhood, cpt, although we don’t live in a competitive area.</p>
<p>Nor do we. As a consequence, the GCs are up on only a few nearby schools. I so wish we had discovered CC before our son had submitted his applications. I wonder what I could have accomplished in the time it took to figure out so many things that are here for the taking!</p>