<p>I want to go to Bryn Mawr. Period. But my mother is determined to do everything in her power to keep me close to home (at Elon). Elon is a good school, but I'm not sure that its where I want to be anymore. She doesn't respect my right to choose, and its driving me insane.</p>
<p>I know that parents worry about the college admissions process. That's fine. But how can I convince my mother that the decision should be up to me? It feels like she's doing everything she can to sabotage me (of course without it being obvious, of course). How can I make her understand? Is there anyway to get through to her? Can someone give me a parent's perspective so I can understand where she's coming from?</p>
<p>They are such completely differerent colleges......like apples and oranges to compare...is there someone else in your family where you can find support for your choice?</p>
<p>How are you paying for college? Are costs an issue?
Are you willing to take out loans or work to help pay to go to your choice of college?
Have you been accepted to both schools yet?
What are your mom's objections to your choice?</p>
<p>" ...but my mother is determined to do everything in her power to keep me close to home."
She loves you. She knows she's going to miss you terribly.
Your job is to show her that you're 1) mature enough to handle being away from home and 2) that the experience of being away from home is an education in itself - one that you are ready to embrace.
Ultimately, she wants the best for you. Convince her that going away to school -specifically Bryn Mawr, has so many positives that she won't be able to deny it.
Also, be sure to tell her you'll miss her, too! That will help. :)</p>
<p>I don't mean to sound flip, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's the going away, and not the school, that she objects to. Try to understand this, and it may be easier to convince her of YOUR needs.</p>
<p>I've been accepted to Elon but not BM yet (but its likely I will be). Elon has only (so far) given me about half of the money I will need, while BM promises to meet 100% of financial need (my need is definitely high). If I got to Elon I'm gonna have to take out tons of loans, and it doesn't make sense to end up in debt for my 2nd choice school when my first choice is likely to take care of it. If I go to Elon I'll need a car, but if I go to BM I won't have to worry about car payments, gas, or car insurance. </p>
<p>My mom's problems with Bryn Mawr:
-The distance. She thinks Philly is too far away (though she had no problem with Vandy, which isn't much closer).
-Visiting. She's not the type of person that won't ride a train for long periods of time (though I am willing to). The only way she'll go up is flying, but the problem is that we don't have the kind of money to fly very often. That's her way of pretending that she's willing to go, but "its just not possible." This way she comes out smelling like a rose.
-The main reason (though she would NEVER admit it), is bragging rights. Her best friend has a son at MIT and another at Cornell. My cousin is at Duke. My older sister is going to Yale for her Ph D next year. And most would agree that Bryn Mawr is almost as elite as some of these school (I've heard of people rejecting Ivies for Bryn Mawr). But we live in NC, and here whenever you say anything about Bryn Mawr, people are always like "Brin what? Where's that?" Most people here don't realize what a good school it is and how selective it is. If they've even heard of it. She was hoping I would apply to Duke or atleast Chapel Hill. I feel like this is revenge for not applying to either.</p>
<p>She forgets Newton's Law. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. I'm not going against her on purpose, but it just happens. I don't know how many more arguments I can handle.</p>
<p>My older sister (the Yale one) is trying to be very supportive. She lives in D.C. and offered to let me stay with her and then we could drive to Bryn Mawr one day and look around. But my mother won't hear of it. The only way I even get to visit is if she comes to. I don't know what to do anymore.</p>
<p>Note: I was writing this post I guess while you were posting your recent addition, but I think much of what I've said still applies.</p>
<p>I seem to recall from earlier posts that you are from NC so the only explanation I can think of is that she doesn't like the idea of having you 500 miles from home instead of maybe 100. Forgive me if I am not recalling correctly but I also seem to remember that your father will pay for college and your parents do not live together, so again, fear of loneliness is a likely factor with your mother, but I have to say it seems selfish on her part though understandable. And I say this as a parent whose younger child does go to school about a nine- or ten-hour drive from home (and of course I miss her). But the reality is that when you go away to college you pretty much only come home for holiday breaks anyway, whether you are a two-hour drive, or a two-hour flight (which is probably the same as a nine-hour drive). (And keep in mind that it is a very direct trip by air from Philadelphia to Charlotte, and not necessarily expensive either if you are able to use credit-card miles; and the drive, though long, is definitely doable.) The point of going to college, in addition to the academic education, is for students to make their own lives and learn about different people, maybe even different parts of the country, and just plain have fun with friends and peers--that is a life skill in its own way. Being close to home for the wrong reasons (of course sometimes there are reasons you do need to stay home but it does not sound like they are a factor here) is detrimental to this.</p>
<p>A key issue here is: there is really no comparison in reputation between Elon and Bryn Mawr and although I'm sure you would get a fine eductaion at Elon, you will probably be surrounded by more "like-minded peers" at Bryn Mawr, as well as having wonderful opportunities because the school is so well known. The additional advantage of close collaboration (more courses, more students) with Haverford and Swarthmore adds to the appeal, as does the proximityto Philadelphia's cultural events and big-city ambience (yes, I know Charlotte is a real city, but Philadelphia is sort of one-of-a-kind).:) I think the key factor here is that one school just offers so much more than the other.</p>
<p>Remind your mother, too,that with e-mail and national cell-phone plans it is very easy to keep in touch. Not that she should be calling you every day or anything like that, but if you feel like calling her or sending a quick e-mail to say hi or tell her something, it's easy and economical (and again, I have direct knowledge of this; it works). I think this is something you just have to do and hope that as time goes on your mother will accept and even support the decision.</p>
<p>I assume your dad doesn't live with you? How old are you now? Can your older sister talk to her - heart-to-heart? It sounds like you're a little too mad right now to approach it effectively.
Let it rest until you hear from Byrn Mawr. In the meantime, take note of her objections - write them down. Be prepared with a sensible case taking her points one by one when you get your acceptance. </p>
<p>Remember Newton's Law - it works both ways. You need to find a way to discuss this that doesn't result in an argument. You can do it, I know. I think you're being a bit unfair to think it has to do with the name of the school. I think this is about your leaving home. Will she be all alone when you're gone?</p>
<p>This is a fairly common topic on CC and the best advice I ever saw (but don't remember who) was to NOT react in the way you feel like reacting. Instead, give you mother a hug and tell her that you can see how much she loves you and doesn't want you to be too far away. Tell her you understand, and that maybe you can discuss it later.</p>
<p>Approach the topic incrementally. Don't go for everything at once. Let her know that you love her also.</p>
<p>I think that we need more info from the OP before we know what's going on. I have seen parents who have hesitated to send their kids far away because of thoughtful reasons that had to do with the student's maturity or with things such as health or financial issues. </p>
<p>I also have seen parents who wanted kids near home for the parents' selfish reasons. That's why I'd like to know more from the OP about what is going on.</p>
<p>I also am wondering where the OP applied and where she has gotten acceptances to.</p>
<p>Just a couple of random thoughts from somebody living up near Philadelphia, with many relatives in NC. </p>
<p>Airfares between Greensboro/Charlotte/RDU and Philadelphia can be extremely low if you plan ahead just a little. A quick check at t r avelocity . c om revealed a $153 rt from GSO and from RDU it's -- oh my goodness -- $83.40 rt. It can't be much cheaper to get to Nashville!</p>
<p>Without being too much of a snob -- I happen to like Elon a lot and hope my S considers applying -- why doesn't your mom ask the parents of the kids who are at Yale, Duke, MIT? I think they would tell her that if status really is an issue for her, BM beats Elon hands down. Outside of NC, I think Elon virtually unknown or, at best, considered an undiscovered gem (actually, I think they are the No. 1 undiscovered gem according to Jay Mathews and his enjoyable and completely unscientific survey). By any chance, is she also concerned about sending you off to the big, bad City of Brotherly Love? If so, a visit to BM should put her mind at ease. It's not exactly plopped down in the inner city. </p>
<p>So I don't think your mom has any true rational reasons that stand up, and you're left with the irrational one -- she knows she's going to miss you. I defer to all the other people who have given you good advice on that score. </p>
<p>
[quote] But we live in NC, and here whenever you say anything about Bryn Mawr, people are always like "Brin what? Where's that?" Most people here don't realize what a good school it is and how selective it is. If they've even heard of it.
[/quote]
I hate to sound stupid in public, but... what's Elon? I've never heard of it before just now, and I am fairly aware, educated, and well-read person.</p>
<p>And I am serious, by the way. (As a counterpoint to locals having never heard of Bryn Mawr, I guess...)</p>
<p>Mootmom, see my note above. That's pretty much my point. I, having strong family connections to NC, know about Elon. It's a good, solid school. Not Duke, not Wake, not Furman, though. It's very well known in NC (and probably SC and parts of VA). Fairly selective, does a good job of sending kids to law/medical/grad school. In other words, a great regional school, but pretty much unknown outside of its historical base. I would say similar to College of Charleston in SC or Mary Washington in VA. An up and comer? Maybe (they're starting a law school to be based in Greensboro). But really, truly, no match for BM to somebody interested in status.</p>
<p>Sit tight. If BM indeed comes through with a much better package and less in loans, it's totally fair for an 18 year old to tell her parent she is unwilling to assume such debt. There are many articles you can produce to support the fact that many kids get in trouble by taking large loans.</p>
<p>Good advice Kirmum. Unfortunately, Elon is much cheaper than BM to begin with so BM is going to have to really give a great package to compete. But the advice to sit tight and see what happens is a good one. Also, I like Digmedia's advice to hug your mom, acknowledge her fears, and say that you will seriously consider her advice until you have firm information on BM to compare with Elon --- Good luck!</p>
<p>"The only way I even get to visit is if she comes to. I don't know what to do anymore."</p>
<p>I don't get this, why in the world wouldn't you want your mother to go on a visit with you? But this brings up another question - Have you seen it? My daughter really wanted to visit the college that she's now attending but I insisted on seeing it with her. My only objection was the distance. Once I saw it, I loved it.</p>
<p>to contrast with kathie -
My sister was dying to go to a certain school. KNEW she'd love it. We went. She hated it and didn't even apply. You might be surprised at what can change with a visit for you and for your mom.</p>
<p>Hi curlinterrupted ... one suggestion ... set-up a spreadsheet or some form to rank how schools rate against your preferences ... academic level, size, majors, urban/rural, etc ... I would include everything but proximatey to home to start ... given your OP I would think this will highlight all the reasons BM is a great fit for you (and I would guess a better fit than Elron). This might also help your mom understand just how great a school BM is if you include a bunch of academic stuff like average scores, selectivity, academic rigor, US News ranking ... BM will rank higher than Elron on these I think. </p>
<p>GOOD NEWS: Southwest airlines has non-stops from Raleigh/Durham to Philly for as low as $29.00 one way. High of about $79. Check off one objection!</p>