Things for the "First" year- add your tips!

College Majors Music Major
1

<p>It's getting to be "that" time again,and we are seeing the signs of nerves popping up in posts. May I just say, " RELAX" for a bit, things will sort themselves out.</p>

<p>Parents, save receipts when you are shopping for items for your kid's dorm room and find out each store's return policy. Chances are excellent that she/he won't need at least some of what you've bought, so know whether you'll be able to get the money back or have a store credit at Bed, Bath and Beyond so that you can give everyone you know an egg separator for a holiday gift! Those matchy-matchy bedding sets are pretty, but will your D sleep on 140 thread count sheets? My D likens that to having to rest on a bed of nails ( my fault for always getting really good sheets for home!) and if they only have a year in the dorm, XL twin items may not be all that useful down the road. A full length mirror is a must for checking out looks before heading over to play a concert or sing an audition- but check to see if the school already has them inside the closet doors. Always co-ordinate with the room mate(s)- why bring multiples of larger items, and things that fold, such as butterfly chairs are more welcome that a clunky item that someone is going to trip on in the dark. Extra hangers are important and get a laundry container that's easy to carry. A genius invented those all-in-one detergent/fabric softener sheets( ditto for Color Catcher sheets!), and if your kid has never done laundry on their own, start those lessons now while you are available to supervise. This sounds stupid, but make sure your sons know that their favorite sweater shouldn't go in the washer and dryer (unless the care label says it's OK) and that saving time by washing a red t-shirt with white clothes does not save anything! Small drying racks are wonderful, especially if you have a singer, because draping damp clothes over one can add some much needed moisture to the room. You might visit one day and find out that said rack is buried under 2 feet of clothing-clean and otherwise- but let's hope for the best! Personal size humidifiers are a must for singers: dorm rooms are dry and not a hospitable atmosphere for the voice. Plenty of hand-sanitizer, including small bottle for purse, backpack or music bag: can you imagine how many germs are on practice room doorknobs or that keyboard? Ugh! And it can be like sending a 5 year old off to Kindergarten, with a whole new set of germs to be exposed to!</p>

<p>A flashlight and extra batteries,light bulbs, a fan ( is there A/C in that room?), bedside rug, flip flops are no-brainers, but do you know if the room has wireless Internet? Do NOD just assume that they do, please; my D's conservatory is affiliated with a major "techy" university, but the music dorm required Ethernet cables! Most schools will not permit wireless routers in the rooms either to help avoid ID theft.</p>

<p>Try to find out the name and phone number of a good bakery near the school, so if your student has a birthday while classes are in session, you can get a cake delivered or enlist the help of the RA or someone with a car to pick it up.In lieu of that, on line shopping sites can handle holiday-themed deliveries (did you know that QVC can deliver Halloween cookies?!). When you see and have coupons for favorite brands of shampoo, deodorant, shower gel etc, buy and put aside to include in "care packages" that you send. At the risk of treading where I shouldn't, know that dorm TP is not of the highest quality, and if you send some, the rolls help prevent breakage of more delicate items!</p>

<p>Take along a tool kit on move in day and create a smaller version to leave behind. There will be bookshelves to assemble, beds to loft,etc and things go much easier if you have your own tools to work with.</p>

<p>For more expensive, specialty items like voice/music recording devices for lessons: do your research (there are older threads on CC too) and don't rule out E-Bay as a place to buy. I was able to get a very expensive model for $150 less than elsewhere. A small ID holder in a bright, favorite color or print (Vera Bradley has really pretty ones for the girls) will come in very handy for keeping that card at hand for swiping to get into the dorm or to grab some lunch. Buy pens, notebooks and folders in bulk now-that way you won't have to shop again for the 2nd semester. My D will be a junior and is just restocking supplies now!</p>

<p>Check with your heath insurance company at home to see how the coverage works while away if you're not using the college's health plan. With the "cost saving" cut backs employers are enacting, you may be surprised what the rules are. We found out that the new policy my D's father is required to keep on her had a restriction on "away from home care" that came along with the new, cheaper plan he chose. It only covers "emergency care " now since she attends school in another state!! Back to the attorney on that one, but that's another tale entirely....</p>

<p>I know I'll think of more and a lot of good advice will be contribute to this thread. but before I forget, a non-tangible to talk to your son or daughter about is a "room mate contract". The 1st or 2nd day in the dorm, the kids should sit down and draw up an agreement, sign it and all keep copies. While it may not seem like the "thing" to do right off, it's really good to be very clear on topics like "overnight" visitor in the room, hours that friends are allowed to hang around, how loud can that I-Pod be played, refilling the water pitcher in the 'fridge, the hours for Skype calls (you may have to change clothes and if the room is small and your roomie is on the laptop with her/his significant other, it can be awkward! Sure, the kids have chatted by this time and may even have met or known each other from summer sessions, but nothing can ruin a friendship faster than being locked out of your room at 2 AM because room mate and date are getting "better acquainted". Alcohol policy must be discussed too; even though we all know that legal age is 21, a lot of kids are going to imbibe everything from Jungle Juice to several beers on an occasional or regular basis at school. Maybe it's not kept in their dorm room, but there are plenty of parties on weekends. Work on this mental picture: your kid peacefully asleep in the lower bed, while roomie who has been partying for 8 hours suddenly feels the booze catching up with him/her and tries to make a mad dash for the bathroom... who really wants to clean up the resultant mess from a rebellious stomach? Make sure that your daughters (I guess this could impact the guys too though) knows NOT to ever drink anything at a party that she has not either poured herself right from the original bottle or seen said action done. I'm not being paranoid here, since I know for a fact that things are "added" to those bowls of Jungle Juice and a lot can go wrong in a short span of time. Tell your kid that they shouldn't attempt to try to deal with a friend who has had far too much to drink or who has passed out. Alcohol poisoning is a very real problem and drinking at schools is usually ignored by the administrations until something bad happens.</p>

<p>If your kid is feeling overwhelmed, let them know to go and talk to someone such as the RA, Health or Counseling Services.This is a major life change and is subject to all of the stresses that come along with it. There's no shame in getting help. The same goes for them helping their room mate(s) or friends. If they see that a friend is becoming withdrawn, not going to class, only talking to old HS friends on the computer instead of getting to know a new crowd, or, the reverse, partying non-stop, heavy drinking, not doing assignments, and the like- that's the time to have a quiet discussion with the RA or RD. </p>

<p>The federal FERPA regulation makes it impossible for the school to talk to a student's parents about grades if the kid has specified that they don't want info released. Even their private teacher at school won't know if the student is failing other classes. So, you could be coasting along, proudly thinking that your son or daughter is pulling As and Bs, only to find out at the end of the year, or worse, four, that there are more classes to be taken before the diploma is handed out. Others may have different opinions, and I respect that, but if I'm helping to fund this expedition, I am entitled to know how things are going. That FERPA form will appear when all of the acceptance and finalization papers are presented, so you may not even see it. Do check...</p>

<p>Now that I've presented all of this, please, CC Music Major Forum parents, chime in! And students who have "been there, done that" add your advice too!
Good luck to everyone and have a great year!</p>

2

<p>Thanks Mezzo’sMama! Just asked D3, a rising sophomore, for her advice for incoming freshmen, and she said “Make sure you practice. Hang out with your friends, but make sure they understand that you need to be in the practice room.”</p>

<p>My personal advice: pack about half of what you think you need to take with you.</p>

3

<p>Or, for those on a more self-funded budget, bring clothes, instrument and personal documents, the rest you can buy when and IF needed.</p>

<p>Sorry, I actually laughed at this (amongst other things…)</p>

<p>

.</p>

<p>A fan isn’t exactly essential, and you can always run out and buy light-bulbs when needed… surely you’re not planning on stockpiling them in a teensy-eensy dorm room?! As for mentioning the quality of sheets and toilet paper… come on!</p>

<p>I know mezzo’s mama is well meaning, and I’m sure her detailed post will help a lot of parents, but I’m thinking you might want to let go and let your student live their student life!</p>

4

<p>Fisheee, if you think that parents don’t go out and buy a ton of things, then you must not open any newspapers, read magazines, come across Internet ads or visit a store in July and August! Do families purchase too much? Of course they do, which is why we help around here (there have been similar threads every years for quite a while). Some campuses are isolated or don’t have stores within walking distance, so taking bulbs for the lamps one’s transporting and including an extra can be the kind thing to do to avoid the Murphy’s Law event of sitting in the dark, trying to study by the light of one’s cell phone at exam time! Many schools begin classes in August and sleeping in a hot, third floor room with one window can be impossible, as is trying to buy a fan when the stores have already begun their winter floor sets! My eldest son can sleep on rocks, while my other kids are more particular- matching bedding sets,marketed specifically at first year college students and their parents are expensive, but attractive and convenient. We happened to notice that this year, the TC of the linens had been downgraded to a level equivalent to that of hopsacking, which makes the sets an even worse value. Sometimes it’s nice to share tips which could save others money or make things just a little easier.
I doubt that even one parent on here is going to send their first year student off to live in a dorm with nothing more than “clothes, instrument and personal documents” in the car. We can’t envision letting them sleep on a bare mattress with nothing more than a ceiling light and a cupboard. There are places where those are the prevailing conditions: they’re called prisons and although funded by the taxpayer, we are considerably more vested in our kids’ college experience! Caring, helping, loving and yes, worrying are part of being a parent. We bring babies home from the hospital to fully prepared nurseries, buy a new lunchbox every year and get monogrammed backpacks in their favorite colors. It’s our nature to want to make things as comfortable as possible for our offspring. So, while you don’t agree, please humor the older folks here. This may be the last chance they have to do what they do so well do so while still remembering their almost-grown students as the little ones they sat up with through teething, chicken pox, first day of school excitement… If you have kids of your own someday, fisheee, you’ll understand.</p>

5

<p>Fisheee does have a child. I agree with her. These things can be over thought. We first sent D off with everything under the sun and two years later it was ALL GONE in a hurricane.She resettled at another school a week after the calamity and and with one trip to Target for the required linens, flip flops, shorts and tooth brush, she was set. When I felt compelled to get more, she pointed out that she was overwhelmed with stuff and she was a big girl now. Yes she was.
Only take a quarter of the stuff you think your kid needs</p>

6

<p>Every family and every child and every college is different. I appreciate Mezzo’sMama’s extensive and thorough post; like all advice on this forum, one takes what is useful for one’s own child and situation, and one (ideally) recognizes that every situation is unique and respects that. </p>

<p>My son flew by himself across the country to a school which no one in our family had ever visited (he did the audition there by himself too–we, like many here, just did not have the money to pay for my wife or I to accompany him on either the audition trip or the August move; one of us did accompany him on all three of his international audition trips since border crossings, hotel rooms for minors in a foreign country, and taking a violin as a carryon have been big issues for many students). </p>

<p>On his August flight, because of baggage restrictions and the prohivitve (for us) cost of excess baggage and of mailing large parcels, he took just his violin as a carry-on and the two allowed suitcases. Fortunately his flight arrived before stores closed, so he was able to head straight to a store to purchase a pillow and bedding (no room for any of that with one suitcase full of clothing and another suitcase full of music, laptop and all the heavy winter outerwear/boots to endure a Montreal winter). </p>

<p>We worried (well actually, I worried more than my wife!), but he had a wonderful year. Some students on his floor showed up with vast entourages of family and friends and everything a dorm room/suite/mansion could ever want (including the kitchen sink, I believe) and they had wonderful years too.</p>

7

<p>violindad, you packed the laptop in checked luggage? I thought that was considered too dangerous (electronics disappearing from checked luggage.) I ask because my daughter always struggles to carry on both her violin and her laptop case. </p>

<p>For those traveling long distances, remember that it is also often possible to ship certain items ahead of time and certain item (eg winter coats and boots) later.</p>

<p>[edit: oops, I saw you said that the cost of mailing large parcels is prohibitive. Although in the US you can also send packages by parcel post or UPS.]</p>

8

<p>Mezzo’s Mama, I am a mother, and I agree with this:

</p>

<p>But this is where you and I differ:

. YOU might bring home your baby from hospital to a fully prepared color co-ordinated nursery, and buy them top quality toilet paper until they’re 25, but many other mothers (including myself) do not, and I honestly don’t believe our children suffer one bit. I’ll have to ask my son whether he minds taking the same (un-monogrammed) lunchbox to school this year; I never considered he might ‘need’ a new one!!</p>

<p>As I mentioned in my first post, I understand your position, and I think there will be many parents on this board nodding their head in agreement with you (and running out to buy fans that won’t fit in the rooms). I just wanted to put an alternative out there… it is very possible to head off to college with 1 suitcase. The things I listed are necessities. The things you listed are luxuries.</p>

9

<p>A lot of parents do treat sending their kids off to college as if they’re sending them on a camping trip. Somewhere off in the wilderness, without stores that sell batteries and such. I was one of those parents. </p>

<p>In what was probably one of my last chances to “be his mommy,” I made the mistake of buying and packing far too much for my son last summer, and half of it came back unopened, un-used. No biggie. </p>

<p>But as a result of my over-packing, he also never had to solve an “oops, I need a–” or “huh, I forgot a–” type problem for himself. I had thought of everything and then some. On move-in day, his much more self-sufficiently raised roommate and the roommate’s parents were kind of flabbergasted when they saw us unpack. Clearly, someone had obsessed a bit, and it wasn’t my kid, (who obviously had no idea he’d brought extra light bulbs, post-its, paperclips and retractable ethernet cables to college.) It was kind of embarrassing.</p>

<p>It’s heartwarming and wonderful to be their mommies this one last time. But they need to learn to live without us. Not having extra batteries in a drawer is a good start.</p>

<p>This year I will do nothing. I swear. Although he did use that fan.</p>

10

<p>“Clearly, someone had obsessed a bit, and it wasn’t my kid, (who obviously had no idea he’d brought extra light bulbs, post-its, paperclips and retractable ethernet cables to college.)”</p>

<p>That’s funny, mom. </p>

<p>And yes, definitely a fan!</p>

11

<p>If I remember correctly my parents barely slowed the car down to 10 MPH so that I could do a soft landing (tuck and roll out the car door) in front of the dorm. And only one piece of luggage…easier to catch as they sped off. ;)</p>

<p>But I will tell you, the new limitations on travel weights are a real struggle for many of us. Just sent D off to a two month gig in Europe (performances and auditions). Fifty pounds does not go far when you need to include two formal gowns, an audition suit and shoes. I helped her invest in an ultra light weight bag, but even then she had to convince her male (one black suit) accompanist to share some of his luggage space.</p>

12

<p>Gee, I surely didn’t mean for this thread to take the turn that it has. It was actually inspired my the ginormous Target ad that arrived in my mailbox, depicting a young lady with enough stuff to have stocked a small village in a 3rd world country! On the purchasing side of it,I sought to include some things that might not be so obvious and none of it’s written in stone. We were lucky in that we knew the dimensions of the room, but didn’t know that it would be hot enough to melt cheese until October or that an
Ethernet cable was required to gain the ability to download even a small file.
When the school is in an
area with numerous other colleges, if you’re one of the
first to start, things are great;
if 6 other schools have
already had move-in day,
local store shelves can look
as if the place never had any
stock! Another CC parent
kindly passed that along to
us when she noted the
location of my D’s school in
a thread and it was
helpful to know.
My D is extremely self-sufficient(now in her 2nd year in her own apt), but right from the start she carried 21-24 credits,and worked outside jobs, so if helping her with providing a spare battery for her voice recorder makes it possible for her to study and not have
to walk 2+miles in an “iffy area” at 11PM, I was happy
to what little I could to help.
And fisheee, I don’t want to argue, but please don’t assume things without facts
since it can be hurtful.Middle
child,D,and her younger
brother(rising HS senior)
carried the same backpacks
for 12 years, their choice,
but I bought good quality
and it lasted. Neither had the monogrammed lunch box, but they are available and many of their friends had them!And the crack about
me buying their toilet paper
until “they are 25” was
mean. Said daughter works
30+ hours/ wk ( and
maintains an A+ avg) in
addition to performing. I wouldn’t presume to criticize your choices for raising your children and I expect the same courtesy in return.
@violindad- pm me! How did the first year go and were you able to make the trip to see the school at the end of the year? You’re so lucky that “he” wasn’t a “she”, and a singer to boot; two suitcases don’t hold much when it comes to gowns and shoes for sopranos!!</p>

13

<p>We have had different experiences sending our first two children off to college. D flew by herself to her east coast school with a couple of bulging suitcases. Her school requires students to live in the dorm all four years and offers summer storage to west coast students. When we visited over parents weekend, we bought a rug and some other things to perk up her dorm room. She used everything for four years, so it was a good investment.</p>

<p>Older S is going to school in a large Midwestern city where we have family. His dorm was studio-style with a living area and kitchen. We took advantage of our relative’s offer to drive us around to purchase kitchen items, etc.- things that would be difficult to bring home using public transportation. He is still using everything we bought now that he has his own apartment.</p>

<p>Younger S will be going to Boston in the fall with small dorm rooms, no storage and no nearby relatives. He’s probably going to have to get by with what will fit in a suitcase. That’s OK - as a third child, he is used to this kind of treatment.</p>

<p>A couple of suggestions to make life easier - fly Southwest, if possible. The two free bags can make a huge difference, especially if a parent also loads up suitcases. Someone on one of these forums said that you can order items at BB&B and pick up your order at the store closest to your child’s campus. We might check that out for bulky items like a comforter.</p>

<p>Also, check out the student health services before you have an emergency. Find out what happens if a student gets seriously sick on the weekend or has a condition the student health clinic can not handle. Is there a pharmacy that delivers if your child is too sick to pick up a prescription? Can someone like an RA drive to the hospital/ER? Hopefully your student will remain healthy. Our older S had a very serious case of mono and needed to go to the hospital. Fortunately our relative took him, but it was a very stressful situation being so far away. He was too sick to even be able to think about what to do or to ask anyone for help.</p>

<p>A question for parents of boys (especially VP majors) - do they need a tuxedo their first year or is a suit sufficient?</p>

<p>Another question for people who have spent time in Boston: Is it a bike-friendly city? I’m thinking more for exercise and recreation than for transportation needs. I’ve only been to Boston in the snow and cold, so could not really tell if there were bike trails etc.</p>

<p>Mezzo’sMama - love the comment about the suitcases full of gowns and shoes. I’m more concerned with packing enough clean socks and underwear in case S does not make it to the laundry room more than once per semester!</p>

<p>Thanks for all the tips. This time is coming up all too fast.</p>

14

<p>Allot of stores offer the order and pick-up elsewhere. Wal-Mart and Target offer the same service.</p>

15

<p>I was considering getting D one of those desk lamps that has a power outlet in the base to make it easy to charge a cell phone. Walmart has one that is reasonably priced.</p>

16

<p>LGSMom – Not a bad idea but my experience with older S is that many, many outlets were needed. We brought several surge protectors. Cell phone, electric shaver, desk lamp, floor lamp, laptop charger, printer, clock radio. I must be missing something… Ah yes – mini fridge. Younger S will be taking his electric keyboard, as well. Also, items may be located in different parts of the room, which may or may not have convenient outlets, so bring extension cords. And, as long as I am discussing wiring, bring a cable for internet if the dorm room is not wireless. Also, don’t forget the cable that connects the laptop with the printer.</p>

17

<p>

</p>

<p>I certainly never meant to hurt you in any way. I merely wanted to put an alternative view out there; that all the things you mentioned are not truly necessary for a happy and successful college life. I guess in the back of my mind I’m thinking in 15 years it could be my son out there reading something like this and wondering why I haven’t bought him all the things considered ‘necessary’ for going off to college, and somehow equating that with the idea that I don’t love him enough (now, I know that is not what you’re saying, but I think if you reread your posts carefully some hint of that comes between the lines). Many students live on a very much more meagre budget than your children are lucky to have behind them, and I felt like your post could be quite intimidating to them and their parents. Again, I’m not attacking YOU, I just wanted to put my thoughts out there so there would be a balance of ideas.</p>

18

<p>Thank you fisheee, and I did not ever intend to put forth that anything was “essential” for going off to dorm life- in fact, just the opposite, which was why I suggested that parents save receipts so that they can easily return what isn’t needed.
As for budget… well, I’m a single mom with an injury that has turned my life upside down. My D works several jobs all year 'round because her father cut off all contact with her when she chose music as a career path. Maybe that’s why I now know so much about that “EFC” part of the FAFSA… You can’t just assume that you know anything at all about another person’s budget without making errors and hurting feelings.</p>

19

<p>Linde, thanks for the advice on electrical. We will definitely have to stock up.</p>

<p>On another note, I just had D sign up for her first frequent flyer card and bought her a plane ticket for Thanksgiving using her new number. Thanksgiving is such a crazy travel weekend that now is the right time to book if you need plane, train, etc.</p>

20

<p>

I got that in the mail too! I’m going to college this fall as Piano Performance (BM) & History (BA) majors for a double degree program, and as Mezzo’sMama’s posts have said, my mom is like that where I’ll be taking EVERYTHING with me! My mom adds every little thing to my packing and shopping lists that I didn’t think I needed.</p>

<p>

@sagiter, do they really do that? I knew BB&B did, but not Target…I’ve been buying a TON of things there (and elsewhere) this past week! I’m from MN and going to IL, so it’s not super far, but we thought about doing that with a few things.</p>

<p>

Yeah, I have to do that still, but I can’t because I don’t know my fall schedule yet- it sucks! If I end up not getting a flight home, then my parents said they’ll just end up driving 8 hours to get me, if they have to…</p>