<p>"Lets see that Fnet jont." - Physics teacher</p>
<p>"Yeats says to take life easy, but not so easy that you never get off the pot...that came out wrong." - Lit</p>
<p>"You guys aren't going to learn ANYTHING in this class - zero!" - Religion teacher</p>
<p>"Why would you hire Keagan over a person with Down Syndrome?" - Religion teacher</p>
<p>"Yes, it's difficult to avert your eyes from an erection....of a building." - Religion teacher</p>
<p>My AP World Lit teacher is crazy. So many quotes from her. Some are:</p>
<p>"That's an illegal beagle."
"Fab-u-lash"
"Oy-a-vay"
"Aw smookum"
I'm having a brain fart tonight ahha</p>
<p>Then 10th grade, my religion teacher said:
"If jesus came through this door right now, you'd all be on his face."
^haha me and my one guy friend looked at each other and we're like "WHAT! On his face!? Not his back...?" My teacher quickly changed the topic. He also told this one kid to shut the hell up.</p>
<p>In TOK... (oh TOK).</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Our teacher was trying to explain contigent/necessary truths. "So if I told you today was Thursday, you wouldn't believe me!" (It was our Thursday class). </p></li>
<li><p>Society progresses... we can see that because we have invented things like ball-point pens. In Harry Potter, they use quills, so the wizarding culture is obviously stagnating.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>But this one takes the cake... (at our recent school winter holiday assembly):
Santa (aka Mr. gym teacher in a santa suit) walks in, throws candy canes at students, then sits on a chair. Our principal sits on his lap, and goes "Oh, Santa is SOOO boney!".</p>
<p>Ap Euro Teacher-</p>
<p>"Ain't no thing but a chicken wing"-- I don't know where that came from</p>
<p>" Keep your tests covered. You work hard for your grades,don't let anyone get a free ride. If you do let someone get a free ride, they better be paying you big bucks and I get 10%."--- Before every test we take</p>
<p>"Let's Git r done"-- After the bell rings to do bell to bell notes</p>
<p>"We're going high-speed internet today" <em>makes that annoying sound of dialup internet connection</em> ---Right before we take notes</p>
<p>This guy's a total trip.</p>
<p>^^Those are good ones.</p>
<p>My honors psychology teacher always tells us:</p>
<p>"You can ask me anything and everything, and whatever I don't know, I'll make up"
and when we're taking a test he assures us "If you're confused on any part, ask me...and I'll come around and confuse you even more."</p>
<p>Then my history teacher last year told us to, "pause for the cause" not realizing that it meant to smoke weed.</p>
<p>O Boyyy. My history teacher is a character.
"Go now brown cow" - when we ask to get our homework in locker
"Down the line with [insert name] Cline - when asking for homework responses
"I didnt fall off the turnip truck"
"While ur up, get the lights, thank you thank you (laughs at oneself) -- he says this to the kid thats <em>sitting</em> near the lights.
"My dog, poochie, i leave her everyday at 6, and when i get home, theres no puddles(laughs at oneself) so.." - when asked for permission to go to the restroom
"Would u like to join Gurry's debating club. we meet 2-5 after school (laughs at oneself) " -- when we are disruptive
"Gurry" Terms
"Bull Sheet" - these are the sheets we have quizzes on. if we draw a bull, we get an extra point.
"Freddie Flunkie" - student who well, isnt a good student.
He also has a closet. and at the end of class he gives trivia question. he reaches into the closet where a man makes candy. he reaches to take said piece of candy, he goes "Ouchh!" (u see the man in the closet.he bit him!) and then he throws the candy at the person who gets the answer.
"Gurry's Gardening Club" - the equal to Gurry's debating club, in the spring that is.
He also makes fun of parents and their complaints. Impersonations are frequent. Well there u go.</p>
<p>My APUSH class is kind of... wow for an AP class. The other APUSH isn't nearly as bad. We're often likened to a 9th graders, which is fun.</p>
<p>The teacher knows what he's talking about, but gets kind of boring. It is fun hearing about his crazy stories of when he worked as a meatpacker and got into hockey fights though.</p>
<p>The kids though. Wow. We discuss tests while taking them. Do your classic hiding things/throwing pencils into the ceiling. We play Bryant (my teacher) Bingo, where you write down different words/phrases you think he's say, then play bingo. We decided to prevent the Civil War by giving everyone opium and hugs (and Hawaiian Shirt Fridays). We have two class mottos: I heart JC Calhoun and Jake... Die! 'Molest Dan' is a favorite pastime. And at random intervals during class the guys take their pants off and chuck them across the room.</p>
<p>Meh... there's more, but I'm too lazy to think of them.</p>
<p>My Euro teacher was fun, but we didn't learn anything. We did 'get to know you sheets' and listened to Jack Handy all day.</p>
<p>My Chem teacher is your classic swear in class, jokes are funnier the 15th time you hear them teacher.</p>
<p>So most of the funny quotes at my school are insidish.</p>
<p>Well that was long. I love and hate APUSH at the same time.</p>
<p>Oh... my PreCalc teacher always says "this here" "that here" and "...and when you do this, now it's only a math problem!" It wasn't a math problem before?</p>
<p>Also, my comp teacher last year, was very interesting. She used to be a hooker and uses lots of sexual innuendos. The wonderful trumpets are whores metaphor... The trumpet winked seductively from the corner.</p>
<p>my sister's friend's chemistry class:</p>
<p>'okay i'll tell you a joke, there was a guy who always got Fs during his elementary and junior high years. his dad was <strong><em>ed. so he said 'son, why don't you set a goal this year and get straight Ds? the boy said yes, and got straight Ds. his dad was so proud. 'son, i will let you have a huge party at the mansion i have!!' but the boy said 'no dad, i just want two pinpong balls.' so he got his pingpong balls.
next year, the dad suggested 'hey, now why dont we set our goal to straight Cs?' 'but dad, i don't know....okay, i'll try.' so the boy did, and got straight Cs. dad was soooo proud. 'son, i'll send you on a trip to Europe with your friends! i'll pay for everything!' the boy only said 'that's very nice of you, but could i just have two boxes of pingpong balls from your factory?' the father had owned a pingpong ball factory- the third biggest in the world- and had all the pingpong balls he wished. not knowing why, he gave his son two boxes of pingpong balls.
now the boy was a junior, and the man suggested straight Bs this time. the boy sighed. 'okay dad, i'll try, but i can't guarantee it.' he tried hard-he did all the homeworks, studied overnights, etc. and at the end of the year, he came home with straight Bs. the dad was thrilled.
'SON! i will buy you a car, one a day, for a whole month! that's thirty cars! just name a brand and it's yours!' but the boy only smiled. 'dad, that's just so very nice of you, but i want two cradles of pingpong balls. that's all i want.' the dad was upset. 'why the hell do you need those stupid pingpong balls for?' 'that, dad, i'll let you know later.' so the boy got his pingpong balls, went to his room, and the balls were never to be seen again.
in the boy's senior year, the father said, 'now son. how about straight As?' the boy said 'dad, straight As? that's almost impossible! but well...i will try for you.' so the boy did. he passed all the tests, did all the extra credits offered, and at the end of the year, he came home- with a proud smile and a report card with all As. the boy's dad, as you may have imagined already, was sooooo happy. he said 'son! my son! i'll buy you a house, no a mansion!' the boy shook his head. 'dad, i really appreciate it, but really, can i have two truck loads of pingpong balls instead?' the dad was enraged. 'I OFFERED YOU A HOUSE! A HOUSE! WHY THE *</em></strong> DO YOU NEED PINGPONG BALLS FOR????' the boy only said' you will know very soon, dad.'
so the two trucks full of yellow pingpong balls climbed up the hill to the boy's house. the boy followed behind, walking along the path. than, the first truck's driver felt something under the truck. something had ripped open the tire. the truck fell, crushing the second truck. and the second truck fell, crushing the boy. he was all blood. the dad, horrified, ran to his son.
'son! son! are you all right???? wake up! wake up!'
the boy opened his eyes slowly, breathing heavily.
'dad...i don't wanna die...'
'oh no...oh no...but son, could you tell me why you wanted all those ** pingpong balls for?'
the boy nodded.
'dad, the pingpong balls are for...for...'
and he died. the end"</p>
<p>the story took away 45 minuites of the 50 minute class, for the chem teacher talked very slowly. alas, no one found out what those pingpong balls were for. :(</p>
<p>^^I told that story once and ****ed off everyone in my lunch period who had gathered to hear "an amazing story."</p>
<p>Though mine wasn't as nerdy (no grades involved) - just a genie offering a kid one wish a year for freeing him.</p>
<p>(The teacher is single, so we were talking about a possible profile on match.com.)</p>
<p>Student: Hey, Ms. ___, you should get a MySpace.
Teacher: Isn't that a Barbie doll?</p>
<p>I think you had to be there.</p>
<p>We made my sub a MySpace. He's so cool. He is a nutritionist. Everyday, "did you eat well?" "No, I had beer. I had cookies. I had candy etc.etc."what did you have mr. c" "I had antioxidant pie, want a recipe." sadly he deleted the myspace.</p>
<p>in chem kids call out answers. "I don't know what number 1 is." "I'm putting C" "You sure?" After about question 3, the teacher kindly tells them to sush. </p>
<p>Girl doing makeup---"This isn't the damned lavarotory"</p>
<p>"Yayy!!! Now I know who's Jewish and who's not!"
-On Rosh Hashanah, some random senior guy</p>
<p>I'm sure you guys have all heard chemistry explained through dating jokes...</p>
<p>My eccentric (I believe to be gay) English teacher (has an EXTREMELY EXTREMELY EXTREMELY had-to-say-it-three-times bad lisp) says the following all the time:</p>
<p>-"Coming attractions, anyone?"
-"I'm a little pressed for time so I'll cut the CHIT-chat."
-"mm-HMM!" with a stupid pouty lip-looking look on his face.
-"Guys, I seem to have come down with a small case of pink eye today." <strong><em>actually has pink eye</em></strong> "I'm not contagious though."
-Loves to mispronounce the name J.M. Coetzee
-"Hi, Katie." <strong><em>making effeminate hand wave with an awkward smile on his face</em></strong> I think he's in love with her. it's really weird.
-Makes weird random references to the movie "Boyz in da Hood"</p>
<p>My friend has this pothead in her honors eng class (yea, I know)
They had to do presentations
John: Can I present without a shirt?
Teacher: Well, you know, it's kind of cold here</p>
<p>My class
Teacher: No one did so well on this test
Student: How do you know? </p>
<p>My english class. Teacher likes to bring food into class and share with us. She has cookies sitting on her desk.
Teacher: Steven, stop eyeing the cookies.
Student: I wasn't, I was actually eyeing the video on your desk
Teacher: Does anyone want cookies? Pass these around.
Student: Well, I was eyeing the cookies too</p>
<p>Math.
Student: Is there a curve on this test?
Teacher: Yes, x=y</p>
<p>Student: What if we take the NYML (math contest) and get a zero? Would we still get points for trying?
Teacher: I would multiply your score by two and add it to your grade.</p>
<p>"THE FREAKING VIKINGS ARE INVADING!"</p>
<p>I love my History teacher...</p>
<p>seasons of luv, i also enjoy "Rent." I'm assuming that is where your username came from.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Math.
Student: Is there a curve on this test?
Teacher: Yes, x=y
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Haha! Quick math wit on the teacher's part.</p>
<p>x=y is a line. </p>
<p>wit's not so quick.</p>
<p>i thought that too, alienshards, but in calculus the integral is always area under the curve, regardless of if it is a straight line, so i figured that any line could also be called a curve.</p>