Things I've Learned by Having Guys as BFFs

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>Earlier this week I was chatting with one of my best friends on AIM while facing a male 'crisis' on another window. I was ridiculously nervous, typing JKGBARJG OMGOMGOMG, abusing the Billy Mays key while he returned the favor sharing in my excitement. I paused for a moment and said, "If you were a girl, right now we'd be squeeee-ing" He replied, "Manly grunt?" And I realized what was happening and said, ":( It's not the same." As much as I love my boys, there's nothing that can replace the estrogen-filled goodness that comes with screaming about trivial issues like boys and clothes and hair and such. </p>

<p>But the past year has taught me a lot guys in general and how awesome they can be, both as lovers and as friends. I am a woman of simple pleasures, generally turned off by the cattiness and complexity of female friendships (I went to an all-girls school. Even without personal experience, **** goes down fast). So that may account for why the people I consider the closest to me, the ones that have listened to me at my worst and cheered me on at my best, are a bunch of dudes. And long nights, relationship crises, and general bonding has taught me a lot about the male species. From personal experience and shared stories, rants, and ravings, here's a few things I've learned.</p>

<p>Men are simple creatures
Food. Beer. Love interests. Video Games. Sports. Music. It doesn't take much to make them happy. And when they're mad, they'll vent it and then get over it. They mostly won't hold grudges. He probably forgot about what you got mad at him for last week, even though you'll bring it up at your next argument. Which will blindside him. This is only because men know how to forgive and forget.</p>

<p>Men are wussies
When they care. The guy who is able to go up to a girl in a bar or party or classroom and just strike up a conversation with her is IN THE MINORITY. Most guys don't have the balls to do that, so that cute guy in your discussion that you really wish would talk to you is probably thinking the same thing too, but society dictates that he has to initiate. Talk about peer pressure! That sucks. Another reason I'm glad I'm a girl :) If you're a girl, more than likely there is a man out there who exists that has seen you in class or at the library and wished that he had the balls to say "Hi" to you. But they didn't, and are now kicking themselves for being a pussy. </p>

<p>Men are still wussies
The first hurdle is just talking to the girl. Asking her out on a date? Asking you to be their girlfriend? Sorry, but they probably won't do it if there is at least a HINT of possibility. Being rejected sucks, and guys have to face it more often than girls. Hooray society! Jesus, if I were a guy, my self-esteem would be shot by Junior year of high school. </p>

<p>Chances are when he does, he'd been rehearsing the whole thing in his head for the past week. He's analyzed everything that can go wrong. He's been psyching himself out for rejection, which at that point he's making the best-case scenario. There's the week-long nervous wreck phase, the "**** IT IMMA DO IT NOW" moment of conviction right as he walks up to you, and the odd sense of peace that comes with finally spitting the words out. And we girls? We're just sitting back watching this poor guy suffer and stutter his way through the words "You..me..movies..Friday?" So precious. This kamakazi process also applies to initiating contact with a girl, especially when he's been eying her in class for the past quarter. </p>

<p>Men think they're awesome
I learned about this in my last relationship, but after discussions with friends I've learned that this is what most guys think. They have this "Knight-in-shining armor" complex where if something is wrong, they think they have to fix it. Especially if it involves their girlfriend or significant other. And most of the times, they can't. Self esteem, school, parental problems, peer pressure. A guy watches his girl deal with these things, listens to her cry about it every night, and it drives him crazy that all he can do is sit there and just listen. His gut is wrenching, his knee is shaking up and down, hands are fiddling. He wants to fix it but he can't. </p>

<p>Guys like having set goals and finding ways to achieve them. Leaky faucet? Spider in he bathroom? It must be fixed. But when the problem presents no solution, it drives them crazy.</p>

<p>Men Don't Go Shopping
They go "buying". They need pants? They'll go out and buy pants at the first store they think of. They walk out the door with an item in mind and the will and conviction to achieve that goal. Girls will spend the time and effort shopping around for the best deals. This is why guys generally don't enjoy the shopping process. They enjoy YOU. So they'll walk around through every aisle, holding your bag and the things you may or may not try on eventually. Maybe they like having a say in your selection, but in general, if he follows you around in the store and you didn't let him loose inside "Brookstone" to wait for you, its not because he likes shopping. He likes shopping with you. Personally, I like shopping. So whatever. I'm glad I'm a girl.</p>

<p>Men Like Most Games
BUT NOT LOVE GAMES. Like #1, men are simple creatures. They hate your games. They really do. You think its cute to lead him on and act all like hot ****. Or be really uninterested hoping his affections would increase to win you over. NO. Bad ideas. Unless you are both "in" it, like just for fun, then that's cute and flirty and whatever. But if you're using "hard to get" as an actual strategy, I'm sorry. It's going to backfire. Rules 1,2,3 all go into this. If you play games and act all complicated for a man who is probably to scared to make any official moves, you're not going to get a favorable response. He will probably breathe a sigh of relief if you just tell him outright "hey i like you, we should go out sometime" but refuse to tell any of his buddies for fear of losing his "Man" card. Nevertheless, from the moment you think he's interested in you, he probably has been for a while. Don't toy him around, he won't appreciate that in the long run. It might be fun for you, but its torture for him.</p>

<p>That's all I have for now. Tune in next time for another installment.</p>

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<p>Too soon…</p>

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<p>too long. didn’t read. will not tune in for the next installment.</p>

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<p>i am both manly and sophisticated</p>

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<p>I find this mildly offensive, guys are not as “simple” as you state. We just do not get caught up in simple drama like our women counterparts often do. (no offense)</p>

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<p>OMG this is so truuuuuuuuuuue!!!</p>

<p>SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEe</p>

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<p>So you know all this about guys but you don’t understand that those male BFFs of yours are only listening to you blabber on about your life and problems because they want to bone you? </p>

<p>And IDK about the whole “scared” complex when it comes to guys making moves on girls. Yeah, there aren’t many who will go and walk up to a random girl but within social circles I think we’re pretty good at making moves. </p>

<p>It’s the guys that you communicate with that actually are scared to make moves on girls. There’s a reason that they are in your friend zone. I’m sure they hate it when you call them your BFFs even though they might not show it.</p>

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<p>Girls just all like shiny pretty things and whining at eachother.</p>

<p>See, I can generalize too.</p>

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<p>i’m a boy and i think you’re pretty right. thanks for that summary of myself.</p>

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<p>Ladder theory is bull ****.</p>

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<p>That’s very true, except I will “shop” at Best Buy, music stores and on the internet.</p>

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<p>this thread brings the lolz</p>

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<p>OMG same heeeeeeeeere!!!</p>

<p>SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE</p>

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<p>Indeed. I have plenty of friends who are girls and who I have no intention of making a move on, they’re like sisters to me. It may be because I’m pretty much asexual but my point is it’s not like all dudes want to screw every female they see.</p>

<p>Men aren’t quite as simple as you suggest but a lot of things you said are true from what I’ve seen. There have been papers written (I don’t feel like doing the necessary googling to cite any sources but feel free to come back to me if you find them) on how men generally look for solutions while women generally look for confirmation (The example I saw was a man and a woman in a car, the woman asks if the man is hungry, the man says no, the woman was obviously trying to convey she was hungry and was looking for similar feelings while the man answered the question).</p>

<p>The simplicity of a man is really more of a matter of how he chooses to live, some men are very simple in what they require to be happy physically but require much more rich activities emotionally and intellectually. I personally can do with simple meals, a pile of plain clothes and not much else; on the other hand I need to be constantly challenged intellectually or I quickly become depressed and unproductive.</p>

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<p>I have female friends that I don’t want to bone. FYI.</p>

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Of course, if you told them that they would read into it and find it insulting (even though they are actually happy that it is true). </p>

<p>^Everything you need to know about girls.</p>

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<p>How stereotypically woman of you to pigeonhole men like this. This is coming from a woman.</p>

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<p>Generalities exist for a reason: they apply to most people most of the time. I find a lot of what the OP said to be true most of the time, for most people. Is it complete? No. Is it pretty good? Yes.</p>

<p>Sheesh, don’t go all offensive on the OP just because in your high and mighty world, describing others is taboo or something.</p>

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<p>^ you can’t just notice a few things in one or two people and then declare that their whole sex or race or anything else behaves similarly. look at people individually rather than saying things like “men don’t shop.” i think stereotypes are ignorant and lead to conflicts and boundaries.</p>

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<p>Very awesome thread OP. I agree with a lot of what you said. Some things I would like to point out now. About the guys wanting to be friends to just bone?</p>

<p>It’s effing true. We do befriend a lot of girls because we want to bone them but the thing is, is that after a time we will realize it is pointless if you don’t return any hints. My issue is is that I continue my friendship because by this time I would have learned some things about them and some girls I do honestly care about in a non sexual way.</p>

<p>And men usually HATE drama. Thank you for making that point.</p>