Hi guys,
I’m a freshman two months in to my college career. To sum it up in a word: meh. I am not longer miserable (which I was for a few weeks) but I would not say I am happy by any stretch. I feel like I exist, and that is about it. I have a group of friends that I like, but they are kind of boring. I don’t have a lot in common with any of them (there are six of us) except one. And I only feel comfortable being one-one-one with two people out of them. The others I don’t know that well in isolation. I like hanging out with them, but we don’t really do anything, which is boring. But it beats being alone.
The culture of my campus also doesn’t jive with who I am. It is a party school. I don’t party. It seems like some students emphasis sport over academics, despite it being a small liberal arts school. I didn’t get on the tennis team, which was tough on me in many ways. I don’t feel like I connect to any guys who have similar interests. All the guys were are interested in sports and casual gaming are also those who party a lot. In highschool, I was friends with partiers, but at the end of the day I went home and I spent a lot of my Friday nights alone or playing Xbox with my friends, which was fun. It just sucks that the pinnacle of social life at my school is weekend nights and almost always involved partying. It seems every time I talk to someone new, they mention drugs or alcohol within ten or fifteen minutes. This is just not relatable to me. I’m just not sure if this is how it works everywhere.
I am looking at transferring to a school of similar size. I would be able to be on the tennis team, which would be an automatic group of friends, in addition to the fact that I really want to play. This school is also a little closer to home (60 vs 90 minutes).
Transferring just seems like such a huge step. It would be a tough conversation with my friends, as I think they think I’m enjoying school just fine. And I would also be starting over, with nobody around. There is a chance that things would improve, but there is also a chance I would be worse off. Up until recently I honestly believed I would end up liking my college more than I do. But I am losing hope. The school I am looking at has no Greek life and is not very well known for parties, which is good.
I always thought I would excel at college, academically, socially, and athletically. So far I’m one for three, with no chance of succeeding athletically anymore. I’ve accepted the fact that I likely will never enjoy college as much as I envisioned, but I don’t want to spend three more years of my life in purgatory. There are so many more reasons that make this feel like an impossible choice, but I’ll stop here. Please give me your advice, especially if you have transferred/know anyone who has.
Transferring because you think you will meet better people at another college isn’t a great reason to uproot yourself. I suggest you give it a little more time. You will eventually start clicking with other people. Be glad that you have at least two people who you genuinely seem to get along with.
As far as partying, it happens at all schools. Why did you choose your current school? Were you given a merit award or financial aid? Have you discussed this with your parents? What do they say about finances? I wouldn’t worry about the conversation with your friends. First talk to your parents and see what they think. And don’t transfer if you aren’t certain you will play tennis.
Transferring in the spring is very difficult. You probably need to stick it out for the year. Meanwhile, work on meeting some new people. I doubt everyone at your school is into partying. See if the two people you do like want to do something else on a weekend night. Surely there are concerts, clubs, plays, or other events that don’t involve partying. Find those events. Get involved with volunteering, because you might find those people are a little less likely to be big partiers. I do think you have let yourself get stuck in a rut because it’s easier than trying to meet new people.
@Lindagaf I will not be transferring for the Spring. I have talked to my mom about it. She thinks that if I am unhappy, I should make a switch, but she is careful not to put her opinion in there so I can make my own decision. But she’d support me either way, The schools cost a similar amount, so the potential switch next year wouldn’t change that much from a financial side. I chose my school because it’s relatively close to home, liberal arts, nice campus, and they gave quite a bit of money to us. I didn’t visit while kids were there, though, which was a mistake.
I go between me just having a really hard time building connections with people and the campus culture just not jiving with me. I went to a K-12 school, and I started in Kindergarten. So I haven’t really made totally new friends since I was four, with only a few exceptions. I’ve gotten along with everyone I’ve met, but taking it to the next step is hard. Especially now that I can’t get the notion that everyone is obsessed with drugs and/or alcohol, because that is what it feels like. And I do agree that not everyone is in to that kind of thing. But it seems those who aren’t also aren’t interested in the things I am. I feel like a hybrid who is stuck in the middle. But at the same time, I do find it hard to believe that I’d thrive if I just moved campuses.
One of the two friends doesn’t drink on principal, but he likes to do work on most Friday nights. That or we watch basketball together, which is fun.
You have 2 good friends. If you transfer, you will be forever alone at a no party school. At least with the school your in now, you have the option of choosing not to party.
Good luck making friends at a no party school