<p>Of course predicting communication patterns between parent and child at any juncture - during the college application process, later when they are in school, and in professional life is also a function of the players involved, not just the state of life and career. A broad brush prediction doesn’t take that into account. My money is on bisouu continuing to have very open communication channels going forward because of the lovely nature of how they function and have always functioned. It is who they are.</p>
<p>Now I on the other hand know for sure my daughter won’t be like that with me and it isn’t because we are not close. She’s just a different animal and she handles the stress of some of this casting stuff better by keeping it to herself or to her immediate inner circle of friends. I’ll hear some of it when she’s ready to share or has something she wants to run by me, but certainly not all of it and I don’t think it will ever have much to do with where she is at in her career. It’s just the nature of the beast that she is. Doesn’t mean I care any less and wouldn’t love to know all of it. I just know that I won’t. But she was that way through the college application process, and about college too so there is a pattern of consistency there.</p>
<p>Patterns can also change though. My friend’s daughter was enviably close to her mom. I guess the sort of thing where they would say they were more like sisters and to the casual observer, they appeared to be. But that changed in high school and in particular around the time the college applications and auditions started. The daughter clammed up about all of it, and has also gone dark about her college experiences too. The reason was that the mom’s over enthusiasm lead her posting an abundance details chronicling her daughter’s every move and I guess it put too much pressure on her. Rather than college acceptances and rejections being something she could choose to share or not, it was all out there. That girl is very selective about what she shares with her friend/mother now and I suppose will have to be when she enters her professional life as well. </p>
<p>Anyway, I’m sure there is something to the notion of “once it’s a job, it’s a job” no different from any job. But there are plenty of accountants that I bet are still in regular communication with a trusted parent over what goes on in the office too. We are who we are. </p>
<p>Thanks @halflokum for the very kind and spot on words about my daughter and my relationship. We are sharers by nature and always have been. My suspicion is that this will continue even as she maneuvers through these waters. Each family dynamic is different and I still speak with my mother daily and share everything with her so for us it’s generational. <3</p>
<p>I totally understand. I am very close to my daughters and they share so much with me as well. Just saying that the audition thing in the professional world has changed a bit from when my kid was a student and she tells me that sharing the details of auditions is something most of her professional friends no longer do. You’ll have to see what happens down the line and it may not be the same for you. It is not a reflection of communication with offspring, closeness, the relationship, etc. As soon as my kid is cast, she calls me! I think as a professional, they no longer want much emphasis put on every audition given the odds. The odds are very long at this level (Broadway and other high level auditions).</p>
<p>@soozievt - I am sure you have an excellent (and true) point, you are much further down the roller coaster than we are, and I am enormously grateful for all the insight you have shared. But we (whether D and I, or other parents of younger kids) are not in the same place- and sometimes it is difficult to imagine yourself further down the road. I remember all too clearly a time when my kid wasn’t permitted cross a street without holding my hand - now she lives in NYC. A natural progression, and one I am thrilled with. But if you had told me when she was 5 that someday she would be taking the subway home from times square by herself, I would have been worried, and even (very mildly) upset. It isn’t like I didn’t know she’d grow up and be on her own, but I wasn’t ready. I’m still not sure I’m ready now. For me, it isn’t about closeness with D- I don’t worry about that changing, it’s imagining a new version of our relationship. Quite frankly, I still like the old one! One of my favorite songs from any show D has ever been in is from Children of Eden - “The hardest part of love is the letting go”. I need to get used to having her as an independent college student before I can picture her as a professional :-< </p>
<p>So enlightening comments! It’s great to see the lives of others without passing judgement. emoticon</p>
<p>The hand-holding example is particularly evocative. I wonder whether urban-dwelling families and others whose kids have been using public transportation solo since middle school develop along a different curve toward separation. It would be interesting to plot intimacy against the ability to travel from school to rehearsal to class to parties without parental assistance; A walkable, bike-friendly, or public-transportation-manageable city may play a significant role in when a young person feels that not everything needs to be shared. This is such a wide spectrum from “My young adult lets me know when she books a job” to “My young adult talks me about every audition” that it’s understandably difficult to really imagine inhabiting a different set of coordinates than your own and there is, of course, the typical difficulty to see the future. </p>
<p>Family culture is definitely powerful but it is certainly my experience of professional culture that it is considered very bad form to talk about auditions, call-backs etc. There’s the desire not to develop expectations or feed hopes or make your disappointments public further down the line and also some folks are very superstitious. It’s kind of like your love life. You are likely to consider that your engagement to marry is public information and something to call your parents about. But most people in their 20’s would sooner commit hara-kiri than volunteer any information about dating. </p>
<p>Still, there will always be others whose lives are so different as to baffle an observer. It’s good that young people make their own choices about levels of family intimacy as they move into adulthood and it’s good that parents respond accordingly. IMHO, letting the kid take the lead makes the path clear. emoticon emoticon emoticon</p>
<p>toowonderful…I can surely relate. I let my MT D go off to college in NYC at age 16 1/2. She grew up in a rural area on a dirt road where you can’t walk to anything and there is no public transportation. In fact, the population of her dorm was nearly the population of our town. She basically had always been supervised in one form or another because she was either with us, at a supervised activity, or transported by us. So, initially, when she started NYU, I had a hard time imagining not knowing where she was all the time, and how she was navigating subways, urban life, and all the rest. Now, 9.5 years into her being in NYC, I no longer think of any of that stuff most of the time (when I am actually in NYC, it does make it real to me though!). </p>
<p>vocal1046, you wrote:
</p>
<p>This is what my D has expressed in so many words. She told me the final outcome of her recent Broadway lead audtions/callback/finals, etc. AFTER it was over. She didn’t during it for many of the reasons you stated. This is a change from back in college when I knew every step of the way.</p>
<p>When I first started in the business, I would tell any and everyone, that would listen, that I had an audition coming up. Then I would give a blow by blow of the actual audition after it was over. Of course that led to those same people questioning me about whether I booked the job, over and over and over until I heard of a decision. After a couple of years of that, I decided to only speak of auditions after I booked the gig. </p>
<p>I learned my lesson. If I was going to talk incessantly about the auditions, people were going to be curious about the results. </p>
<p>My D has never really talked to others about auditions-she felt it would jinx it. She never understood why anyone would want to share all that information with everyone. I got the play by play but I never shared it with anyone-I guess that is why she would tell me. It allowed her to vent and let it go. When she did auditioned for colleges she never even told anyone which schools she applied to. She knew it would be very late March before she would know anything so we kept telling people we would know by April/May where she was going. It will be interesting to see what she does post college in a couple years but right know I do get information about the audition and she usually sends me screen shots of the cast lists. She still remains tight lipped with others and I still do not share any information. She did get her first lead in a college show this year and before I put it “out there” I asked if I could. </p>
<p>When my D is cast (now as a professional, not in college), I’m not allowed to put it out there until it hits the press. For example, I knew of one great thing she was selected for a couple of months ago and only recently was allowed to tell anyone because I had to wait until there was a press release. So, that is something that also changes after the college years, in my experience.</p>
My daughter did her audition for Montclair and felt it went brilliantly. She spent over a half hour with the auditors (and for an acting audition that is a long time). They discussed tons of things, their upcoming season, her resume, her experience on tour (local) etc and she came out feeling great…rejected. She felt she blew her Chapman audition and was admitted.
I had my Umich Audition in January and it definetely was not my best audition. Especially considering it was my first official college audition. I went into the audition room feeling confident and left feeling defeated (My songs were good, but I fumbled through my monologue, and they worked with me to help me slow down my speech and focus on my intent - nerves!!). To top it off, the dance was extremely difficult (I’m a strong mover but not a dancer) and I felt like my dancing was subpar compared to some of the other people’s dance audition. But somehow, someway I got into the school, and I have never felt so humbled in my life.
I was in the room for Western Michigan for 15-20 minutes at Unifieds and they said they loved my pieces, spoke with me excitedly about a mutual coach/friend on resume, laughed at my monologue. Told me I should apply immediately, asked my GPA and said they would offer me X amount for scholarship if I attended, in accordance with my grades. Was invited for callback, went well. Went home and applied immediately and wrote a thank you note. Two months later=Rejected…
You never know what Admissions Officers are looking for. Sometimes if you bomb, it’s because they’ve challenged you and they like seeing the way you work!
I had this theory that if an school asked for extra material, it meant they were interested and more likely to make an offer – that has proven not nec to be the case. mine has been admitted to programs where nothing happened and rejected, or waitlisted where she was begged to apply. Go figure…
@MTVT2015 my D came away from Chicago Unified’s saying that she would feel terrible if a certain school rejected her because she loved the audition, interview, interaction…REJECTED! She thought she had a terrible audition at Syracuse (very high on list going in), but was accepted.
