<p>I just finished my freshmen year in total isolation. I commuted to a local university. I was really depressed and pre-occupied with my thoughts, and at home because my dad was terminally ill. Hes gone now, and I want to start getting out and making friends again.</p>
<p>I need to get out of my house, and away from my family, so I'm transfering to an away college, probably a PSU satellite. Now what should I do? Get an apartment, a dorm? I'm still kinda depressed, and I really need to occupy myself from my thoughts. I'm planning on taking some anti-depressents before school starts so I can get a little boost to help me be more social. But how do I get started here? Is there an orientation? I mean I never even ate in a college cafeteria before. I skipped all of my college's social activities, even the ones that were "required", I lied to the school saying I was either on vacation or sick or whatever the hell popped in my head at the time, but I was just so depressed I ddin't care.</p>
<p>How do I make sure I get a good social start? I mean I'll be going to a new school as a sophmore with no experience. I mean like I'll probably be going alone so when I do how the hell do you hook-up with some friends for lunch an *<strong><em>, like my first day who the hell do I sit with. I remember in my high school lunch time was a big drama *</em></strong> thing, no one sat alone, unless you were a loser. </p>
<p>I mean I don't want to get even more depressed and end up sitting by myself at lunch, and staying alone in my apartment / dorm on weekend nights. So I can make myself become social because I'm going to just keep feeling worse and worse if I don't. I'm struggling with a lot of memories from the past two years, and I keep dwelling on them.</p>
<p>So how do I go about making friends in a place where I don't know one person?</p>
<p>well you just have to start conversations mostly,
look at the people living in your dorm and be like
“hey i don’t think we’ve met, i’m ______, i’m new here”
and then if you smile a lot and act really friendly
they’ll be like “hey you’re pretty cool”
and they’ll say hi to you in the halls more
and eventually you can ask them if they want to go to chipotle or something
and then you can start hanging out
and then you’ll be like yay i have friends</p>
<p>or on your way out from class
you can start talking to people
and if they’re walking to lunch
you can walk with them
and then you can sit together</p>
<p>and even if that doesn’t work with the first guy you try
your job is not to get discouraged or criticize yourself or think too hard about what you’re doing,
just try with the next person,
because the awesome thing about college is there’s a ton of people
and now that you’re in a new place and not commuting there’ll be even more</p>
<p>and i’m really sorry you’ve had to go through so much,
if depression is still tearing at you
don’t beat yourself up too bad if you’re not all of a sudden a social butterfly
like give yourself time</p>
<p>I know I can’t expect myself to become a “social butterfly” immediatley. But I just have seen how easy it is to not try, and just be alone all the time and feel worse. I’m feeling really down, like if I don’t make friends the first day or so I’m afraid I’ll give up…</p>
<p>I just don’t know what to do, like the first week and stuff. Do I jsut go into a commons area and sit down and pretend to read a book? I mean its like I’ve been in a cave for the last year, I’m like a freshman. I just need some confidence to keep me going, just something so if I don’t make friends the first day I can keep trying to socialize, but how the hell can you when your in a difficult major, I’ll be in a general engineering program, and probably taking Calc 1, Chem 1, Phys 1, English…</p>
<p>Your school should have some sort of transfer orientation. My school does.</p>
<p>Definitely try to get in a dorm so that you have a roommate and are surrounded by people. You can hang out with your roommate for the first few days, which is nice. Then you will meet other people to hang out with - your hallmates, classmates, etc.</p>
<p>It should be easy to make conversation - especially if you’re in intro-level classes, because you’ll be with a lot of freshmen who are completely new and don’t know anyone either. You may end up with a lot of freshmen friends. Which is totally fine.</p>
<p>Also, join a club. Anything you’re interested in. That will give you more people to become friends with too.</p>
<p>Yeah, I just have all this anxiety like I will have to make friends. It makes me want to just stay where I’m at, so I don’t have to worry about making friends.</p>
<p>I mean I feel like I can’t make friends where I’m at right now, (even though I haven’t tried) so I don’t know if I’ll ahve any sucess at an away college. </p>
<p>Are the courses I listed mostly filled with freshmen? I’m really depressed and need to get out and make friends, at the same time I’m so afraid that the anxiety is keeping me from trying. I just really want to get out of my house too, (my dad died in my living room) and theres a lot of reasons why myself staying where I’m at is bad for my mental health. But it could be worse if things go badly at an away college… I’m just so damn confused, worried, and depressed.</p>
<p>I still recommend that you see a professional to help with all your adjustments, everyone needs some support sometimes.</p>
<p>But I will share a kind of fun thing that works for me. I have a problem with my eyes and it takes me longer to focus inside than most people, so people recognize me before I recognize them as I walk down a hallway, sometimes I would pass people I know. At first I just walked and a lot of people felt like I was unfriendly. I learned that if I walked down the hallway and just smiled at people like they were a close friend (as some of them were) everyone began to respond to me like I was the friendliest person that they had meet all week. Lots of people respond to being smiled at by thinking the person who is smiling is a really nice person. </p>
<ul>
<li>simple but it works… smile at people like they are your friends and they may end up being your friends…</li>
</ul>
<p>"well you just have to start conversations mostly,
look at the people living in your dorm and be like
“hey i don’t think we’ve met, i’m ______, i’m new here”
and then if you smile a lot and act really friendly
they’ll be like “hey you’re pretty cool”
and they’ll say hi to you in the halls more
and eventually you can ask them if they want to go to chipotle or something
and then you can start hanging out
and then you’ll be like yay i have friends</p>
<p>or on your way out from class
you can start talking to people
and if they’re walking to lunch
you can walk with them
and then you can sit together</p>
<p>and even if that doesn’t work with the first guy you try
your job is not to get discouraged or criticize yourself or think too hard about what you’re doing,
just try with the next person,
because the awesome thing about college is there’s a ton of people
and now that you’re in a new place and not commuting there’ll be even more</p>
<p>and i’m really sorry you’ve had to go through so much,
if depression is still tearing at you
don’t beat yourself up too bad if you’re not all of a sudden a social butterfly
like give yourself time"</p>
<p>Staying in the dorm is the best bet for meeting people and making friends. You might want to chose the dorms popular with freshman because they will be more open and friendly. Everyone who is new at college is nervous about making friends, so your feelings are perfectly normal. </p>
<p>I’m sorry to hear about your dad. Dealing with the death of a parent is one of the hardest things to go through in life. Please reconsider taking medication and look into seeing a health professional to deal with your feelings. Feelings of grief and loss are normal feelings under the circumstances. The only way to deal with such feelings is to confront them and go through them. Medicating them only prolongs things and makes it worse over the long term. The best thing might be to get out of your present environment and try going away to school and in conjunction with that, to see a grief counselor either at the school or on your own.
Wishing you the very best in your bright future.</p>