<p>
[quote]
Should they insist that they not room with 2 whites?
[/quote]
Completely different situation. The OP's concern was as follows:
[quote]
...she will be living with two girls of the same ethnic origin who speak a language other than English as their first language.
[/quote]
It's the language. Not the race.</p>
<p>OK, does that make it not racist then?</p>
<p>Why is it racist? OP's D doesn't want her roommates chatting away in a language she can't understand, thus leaving her out of the loop. Haven't you ever experienced that? I was a sales manager many years ago & also had to supervise the clerical support staff for my reps. Two of the eight clerks were Latina & would break into private Spanish conversations all the time. Often accompanied by giggling. It caused terrible resentment, tension, & morale problems. I had to make it clear that in their private time at lunch, they were free to speak any language they wanted. But in the office, they were to speak English. To do otherwise would be rude & exclusionary. We all had to work as a team to get the job done. Speaking the same language was critical.</p>
<p>Diversity only works smoothly if we respect one another. Wouldn't whispering to one roomate in front of another roomate be considered rude? I think so. If the roomie speaks no Korean, then the roomates might just as well be whispering. If the Korean girls chat with one another in Korean, then they will not be making an effort to form a relationship with the OP's D. The OP's D has no chance to connect.</p>
<p>OP,
How do you know that Korean is the first language of both of your D's roommates. I, too, know students who are of Asian heritage and even may have been born in Asia, but English is their first language. Do you and your D definitely know that Korean is their first language or is this something that you simply think may be true? I have interviewed students in my city who were born in Asia and didn't move to the U.S. until they were in middle school, yet have flawless English. </p>
<p>'OP's D doesn't want her roommates chatting away in a language she can't understand, thus leaving her out of the loop. '</p>
<p>Sure, that concern is understandable. At the same time, since it seems that the D has little info about the roommates, it's also possible that they may feel very comfortable conversing all of the time in English, and also may have little in common with each other except for being of Korean heritage.</p>
<p>To me, it seems it would be wise to get to know the roommates before jumping to conclusions or -- as someone suggested -- talking to the housing office about the rooming situation.</p>
<p>I'm glad it looks like your D has either found out more info to make her more comfortable or has just gotten past her concerns and accepted it.</p>
<p>It's just the dorm situation during first year. It's always hit or miss whether one will get a roommate that becomes a best friend, an enemy, or (usually) somewhere in between. Since they have a lot of tripled doubles there'll be plenty of other students to become friends with in addition to her roommates. I 'don't' think she should try to lay down any ground rules for the roomies up front as this would likely only alienate them. If the roomies choose to speak to each other in their own language they'll know your D doesn't understand it so it'll likely be irrelevant in the context of their conversation or I suppose they might purposely exclude although this is less likely. Your D can wait until they switch to English and include her in a particular conversation, initiate/interject herself in it, go talk to some other friend, or just put on her headphones and get back to homework or her laptop. </p>
<p>I don't see any reason to talk to housing. I doubt they'd do anything at all since they haven't even met each other yet. Housing will usually not allow any changes like this until the roomies have made a reasonable attempt to live together and there's a real issue (and I doubt 'not talking to each other' would be considered a real issue).</p>
<p>It's easy to second guess too much and read more into it than's really there but since nothing can be done about it anyway, since it's only a temporary situation, and since it likely won't result in a major conflict anyway, I think the best thing to do is be optimistic, hope for the best, look forward to the idea of living with someone from another culture, and move on (sounds like your D is already taking this approach - good for her).</p>
<p>If you happen to have an old copy of the roommate questionnaire she sent in, look at how the question was phrased. If they asked, "languages spoken other than English in the home" your D answered English, but the Korean girl raised in NYC answered Korean. </p>
<p>This still leaves open every possibility that she speaks flawless English in public.</p>
<p>Part of the issue is that it's the overseas' girl's home room. She will need to kick back sometimes to relax from the effort of using her English all day long.
If your D can understand that with kindness, she might make a real friend or at least be a good roommate even if she can't share in the language. </p>
<p>I'm guessing the NYC girl will be an easy chat in English.</p>
<p>from the OP: "However, she is very upset that she will be the "odd man out" in this situation - not at all a matter of prejudice. In fact, her fear is that she will be the minority and is afraid that she will feel lonely and left out"</p>
<p>so stickershock, sounds pretty clear to me</p>
<p>I agree with the poster who said there is some method to the madness of the roommate selection process. Your daughter might look at this as an opportunity. Also, I have know several Korean students who are more interested in assimilating to their new culture/surroundings and for that reason try harder to "Americanize" themselves. College is a time to try different things and if all parties look at it that way then there will undoubtedly be some middle ground everyone enjoys..all learning from eachother. Also, maybe someone was so impressed with your daughters maturity, inclusiveness, empathy etc. throughout the admissions process that your daughter was hand selected to be in this situation..which says alot about your daughter and how she was raised. Good luck.</p>
<p>From the OP:
[quote]
she is attending a large state university (OOS) and the only question that was asked for housing placement is smoking or non-smoking.
[/quote]
So I think this roommate pairing (tripling?) probably was more chance than design although the school might have looked at race as an attribute.</p>
<p>the OPs daughter needs to turn this around, these two girls by ethnic background, are REALLY in the minority most likely at their school, and the OPs D can decide to be a guide, etc especially to the international student</p>
<p>she may not understand some American stuff, the ways of the schools, how to get things done, the different opportunites and the D can make the experiencce of the roommate better instead of fearing that she might be left out</p>
<p>Arrive early for move in and let your D, be the first one in the room to choose a bed, desk, closet. Then, leave them alone and let them work it out. Tell your D that in most freshman dorms, kids leave their doors open and socialize with the entire floor, wing or whatever. Most roommates are not "best friends" but are able to get along well enough to co-habitate. I don't know the stats but I don't think most sophomores choose to room with freshman roommates. Part of going away to college is learing to roll with the punches. Good luck!</p>
<p>The OP's D's questionnaire most likely was about a language spoken in the home other than english. D's freshman roomate at ASU was of Malaysian heritage but raised in Arizona and spoke perfect English.Different family values (family very traditional,Muslim background) D very liberal feminist New Yorker but they got along great. Roomate spoke Malaysian on occasion when dealing with her parents.
My next door neighbors are originally from mainland China.Kids raised in New York .Their oldest D is off to Duke this fall.She would probably answer that question as "Chinese".Shes totally American,even does slam poetry.But I've heard her speak in her native language many times to her parents and especially to her grandma who lives with them.</p>
<p>The OP's daughter's concerns are legitimate, but she is assuming that the other girls both speak Korean. Maybe they don't.</p>
<p>I would not assume that the girl from New York is an any way "foreign." She is probably as American as your daughter is, culturally speaking, even if she speaks Korean with her parents at home.</p>
<p>I agree with Marian. I have two sons, and they both can't speak my language. We speak English in the house because that's all they can understand. If you talked to them over the phone you would not know their ethnicity.
I tried to teach them my native tongue when they were young but it was useless.
Now my older son is going to be a senior in college. He has had two roommates who are of Chinese descent who also do not speak Chinese. Kids not speaking their parents' language is very common.</p>
<p>and selfish to a degree...the OPs D is not thinking about her roommates at all, just in totally negative way about how they will clique up against her</p>
<p>the OPs D really needs to do a couple of things:</p>
<p>not prejudge her roommates</p>
<p>not make assumptions about anything</p>
<p>and be open and friendly, and helpful, if indeed one of the girls is not used to "american" whatever that is, the OPs D can really help with that, most likely they will have more in common than not</p>
<p>all new
all girls
all in college</p>
<p>l</p>
<p>
[quote]
...she will be living with two girls of the same ethnic origin who speak a language other than English as their first language
[/quote]
Have any of you calling the poster racist actually READ what she said?</p>
<p>Here it is again:
[quote]
...she will be living with two girls of the same ethnic origin who speak a language other than English as their first language
[/quote]
</p>
<p>She is not concerned because the girls are Asian. She is not concerned because they may have different skin color, or religion, or are a different race. She is concerned because their first language is not English. Often those who spoke another language besides English as their first language will slip back into their native tongue when they met another native. It happens all the time. If OP's D was named Paulina Kowalski, but didn't speak a word of Polish, she would undoubtedly be just as concerned if two Polish girls who spoke Polish as their first language were assigned as her roomates in a triple.</p>
<p>The OP has stated that Korean is their first language. Yet many are making assumptions that the girls may be completely Americanized. (They may be.) One or two have even questioned whether the NYC girl speaks ANY Korean. (THe poster claims they both indeed do, and it is their first language.) All we have to go on is the statement the OP made. Based on that, her D's concern is not silly. It may turn out to be unfounded, but it is not a racist position.</p>
<p>I still want to know how the OP knows the girls' first language is Korean. Considering that this is a new roommate situation, seems like an unusual bit of information to have learned. Did the girls talk to each other on the phone? Did a facebook search indicate that the roommates were posting their info in Korean? </p>
<p>Does the OP's D have any other info about her roommates except their names, cities/countries/ and native language? What do she and her roommates have in common?</p>
<p>it is silly and frankly offensive, to assume that two people who happen to speak a langauge in common will buddy up and ignore the D, that reaction to having 2 roommates who wrote down on forms that Korean is their 1st or home or whatever language is just not fair</p>
<p>why is this such a concern to the OP and her D, as many have stated, the OP Ds may have the wrong expectations of the roommate relationships, these are not BFF set up by the housing people, and sometimes, you deal wtih what you are presented with</p>
<p>I just don't understand the concern, this fear or whatever, so they speak Korean to each other, so what....</p>
<p>Can anyone tell me why this is such a big deal to the OP and D, that two girls speak the same two languages</p>
<p>Not a parent here, but wanted to offer some advice. I went to school in NYC with many Korean immigrants and Korean-Americans and have never heard any of them speak Korean to each other. Unless they are uncomfortable with English, teenagers who know another language don't tend to speak it with their friends just because it's their native language. </p>
<p>My best friend and I are also from the same foreign country and know the same foreign language with equal fluency, but almost never speak to each other in that language, unless parents are present. If we are with someone who does not know our language, we would never utter a word in that language out of respect for that person. I was of the belief that this is common courtesy...</p>