Every year that I’ve been on the BS forum, there have been people who are very active in the months and weeks leading up to M10, and then — POOF — they disappear, never to report their results.
While I can understand that it might not feel very good to get bad news and then share that news, I challenge every applicant who has used the site in this application cycle to come back on M10 (or whenever your news trickles in) and accurately report their results. For 99% of you, your identity is anonymous to others…so who cares?
Why do I ask this? Because I think the self-selection that goes on post-M10 tends to skew the reporting of results…making it seem like a majority of applicants get into the schools to which they applied, no matter how selective. Which we know is not true for the body of applicants.
The other thing I want to reinforce to those who DO get good news on M10 is this: DON’T BE A JERK.
Don’t gloat, don’t get into comparative discussions (my school is better than yours), don’t talk about how you gamed the system and won (Jackson Hole ski vacations anyone?), etc. It’s just not good form, and I can almost guarantee you’ll get beat up a bit in threads if you choose to go this route.
I did notice that in previous years’ past, some posters had to refrain from mentioning their acceptances to certain schools in mind of those who were wait-listed/rejected (EX: Poster 1 says “I was waitlisted to Exover”, several posts down, Poster 2 says “I’m so excited! I was just accepted to Exover!” Poster 2 is warned by several other posters to be mindful of Poster 1’s feelings/situation).
If this is the case, how would you advise for those who are accepted to reveal their good news on M10 (without being jerks, of course)?
And, of course, we’ll be counting the minutes until someone creates the annual post-M10 thread, “How do I decide between Andover and Exeter?” Please don’t be the jerk who does that either (or any version of “School A or School B?”). No one but you and your family can make that decision. Use revisit days and the reasons you applied to the schools you chose in the first place to make your final decision.
For those who might be new to the forum this app cycle, I assure you that both times my kids have gone through the process, I’ve reported their results…even the bad news. And my identity is NOT that anonymous.
To build on ChoatieMom’s post #5…I do think in some cases starting a “School X vs. School Y” thread might be warranted, but if it is, please wait a few days for the hype/pain of M10 to die down.
Very well said. An hour after my rejection from Middlesex, I logged out of CC for at least a few days I think. I didn’t want to be the Debby Downer and ruin everyone else’s celebrations. It’s great that people get really excited about their admission to a school, and I think largely the gloating of it has to do with the shock and happiness of the situation. However, at the end of the day, there’s always going to be people who will show off. It then is in hands of the CC member to log off for a few days. Even now sometimes, I find myself going back and reading the rejection email from Middlesex (it was really cold too…) and wondering what I could have done differently to get in. A few days after M10 I found myself looking at the very few users who got in, and looking at their stats. Point is, M10 can be confidence crushing.
A little advice to the CC newcomer (not that I’m old or anything) - If your results on M10 come in and are not what you expected, log off. Don’t torture yourself with the happiness of others, you can always send belated congratulations to people.
Just a suggestion–would it be a good idea to have an “Acceptances Discussion” thread and a “Waitlist/Deny Discussion” thread (post-M10)? This would allow for the “braggers” (because there definitely will be some) to boast on a thread separate from those who were wait-listed/denied, preventing some conflicts. It would also allow for those to mention their joy at being accepted without offending those who were wait-listed/denied. The downside is, there will be a lot of threads appearing on M10 (Official Stats, TomtheCat thread etc.,) so it might be confusing to some. Thoughts?
The FedEx/ UPS drama can get pretty intense and borderline cruel , too. I was so disappointed in one kid ( right after he posted his acceptance ) telling another kid ( still waiting for his envelope ) that if he hadn’t received his envelope by now he wasn’t getting in AND then proceeded to crow about his acceptance in the SAME post.
I don’t care if your frontal lobe isn’t fully developed yet. That’s just wrong and there’s no excuse for it.
@thelittleswimmer: I think the point here is not so much a need for thread separation as it is a reminder that humility and sensitivity to others should dictate how you converse. It is never good form to “spike the football”. Just don’t be tone deaf on M10.
I hope we will have good news to post, but I fear that this is unlikely. Will do my best to post either way - if not on M10, then shortly thereafter. Whatever will I do when this board is no longer necessary??!?!?! Maybe we’ll visit occasionally and share comparative info from the LPS.
I agree with you 100%, @ChoatieMom--every poster here on CC should respect others with humility and sensitivity.
Please note that what I have below is written in my own opinion.
What I strongly believe is that there should be a middle ground/compromise between those who are accepted and those who are wait-listed so that:
Those who are accepted will have the opportunity to talk with/connect with others who were also accepted, especially if they may be attending the same school ** while still respecting those who were wait-listed/denied.**
Those who are wait-listed/denied will be able to avoid hurt feelings/conflicts with those with acceptances.
…and this should all be done with posters respecting each other with humility and sensitivity.
If I am accepted, and perhaps others would feel the same way/similarly, I would love to be able to meet others in my grade and connect with them about the boarding school process freely…without having to completely tone down my excitement. To be honest, if I am accepted, I would be bouncing off the walls–I would be that happy! CC is a place for all of us to connect. I would be unable to do the same thing with my friends outside of CC, as they would not be attending BS.
Therefore, I suggest that there be a place for those with acceptances to talk freely to one another without fear of offending others (primarily those with wait-lists/rejections). I would appreciate any thoughts any of you may have on this.
People are free to start whatever threads they think will be of use to the community, and no one is saying that anyone should not be happy about or enjoy and share their good news, just that there is a right way and a wrong way to do this. If you are new to the forum this round and are confused about the concern here, just go back in the archives to M10 of previous years for examples of what to do and what not to do. That’s all.
I think there is something to be said for learning how to be gracious toward others’ successes even when one might not have been so fortunate. Life is not fair, it is a hard lesson to learn. I think it is OK for kids to express happiness if they get in even when knowing that others haven’t gotten in. Their getting in has nothing to do with you and your abilities. It takes maturity to offer congratualtions to someone who has just gotten what you wanted. I think as long as kids aren’t being So obnoxious they should be able to express their joy and relief. 3 years ago we had major disappointments but things worked out and I am glad that my DC learned how to move on and find a different path. DC2 is up this cycle and she surely will have some disappointment, but that is life. It’s an important lesson to learn.
As to the X vs. Y school threads… the best course of action is to attend all the re-visit days to see how YOU feel about each school. Here on CC you will only get someone else’s opinion… those opinions are useful much of the time but, when you are faced with the happy decision of where to spend your next 4 years, no one else’s viewpoint should matter. That part of the process needs to stay in “your house”. Obviously, someone here might be able to answer a question such as whether X school offers a certain sport or specific course but whether X or Y school might be “best” is a totally subjective, personal decision.
CC is a place for all of us to connect. I would be unable to do the same thing with my friends outside of CC, as they would not be attending BS.