<p>Great thread! Bringing 3rd child out of 4 next week for Freshman Year. Bring a cooler of your favorite beverage. Sneak off to vehicle if you need to fortify yourself. It is 5 o’clock somewhere as the saying goes. We are getting help from the football team for move in, so we might not need the Advil. Humor your child, no matter how unreasonable or crabby they seem to you! Keep smiling & laughing! (it maybe difficult at some point) </p>
<p>Cash is always welcome! After we get home, I always wait for the child to call us! I don’t call them, they are independent & have to start solving their own problems etc. Usually the call is about “what to bring on Family Weekend” because they decided they can’t live without it, although you suggested they bring it to begin with! </p>
<p>thanks springisintheair! I figured we could do a running “Tips for Dad” by copying and adding new stuff in BOLD</p>
<p>-Prior to departure/during trip:
Do not cry.
Do not lecture/provide life lessons.
Do not fight with your spouse or child. Do not bring grandmother, uncle Fred, sibs etc.</p>
<p>-Upon arrival:
Help carry the stuff into room.
Do not comment on quality or size of room - this is their home.
Do not make bed. This is their home.
Do not put items away. This is their home.
Take your cue from child - “I got it from here”…“Ok, thanks for helping” = leave their new home - now.
Say goodbye - 2 minute rule- handshake/hug from Dad; hug/kiss from Mom.
Leave life lesson note and $20 in student mailbox, or mail to them next week.</p>
<p>-Ride home:
Do not fight with your spouse (displaced anger/sadness)
Have a drink together.
Celebrate the good job you’ve done raising your child.
Make plans together, as your life has just started a new phase.
Decide how long you will wait to call them, as they will probably not call you. </p>
<p>Bringing the extended family? My suggestion is don’t. I have a dad friend whose daughter attends the same college as my S. They (H and W) drove (750 miles) to freshman move-in with the freshman D, the paternal grandmother and the D’s older, but college age, brother. It was reported as a disaster. </p>
<p>Grandmother had an agenda (it was her birthday and she had “friends” in an area along the highway that she wanted to be taken to see ON THE WAY UP). Big bro was on the cell phone with GF having a fight as they drove along. On move-in day, GM was hot because the dorm room wasn’t airconditioned. Big bro wandered off checking out the co-eds since he and GF “broke up” on the phone and had phone off to “show” ex-GF. </p>
<p>GM demanded to leave and they couldn’t reach big bro to get him to drive GM back to the hotel. Parents turned testy and D broke down. Afterwards the dad mentioned that he felt they had forgotten that is was the Daughter’s “big day” and with all the others there she had gotten lost in the shuffle.</p>
<p>S has reported that she said it was one of the worst days in her life.</p>
<p>We did bring D, but she was an angel, making her little bro the very center of all her thoughts.</p>
<p>She showed him the ropes of having a dorm room, and he enjoyed her doing the busy work of putting everything away, and it freed him from mom, which was a bit of a growth step.</p>
<p>Grandma? A big no-no. My mom would act the same.</p>
<p>She put a damper on D’s graduation day. She wasn’t happy with her seats but made friends with all the people around which only increased her narcissism.</p>
<p>She got drunk at the restaurant and started caressing the waiter’s arm and then she made up and sang a song about how he wasn’t cleaning the table off well enough.</p>
<p>Then she stole the chocolate the restaurant provided, a nice slab in which they’d written “congratulations graduate” and ate half of it.</p>
<p>The worst was she put her head on my son’s shoulder the entire way back in the car. He was very creeped out. When she woke up she began to sing, “Put your shows on Lucy don’t you know you’re in the city,” which is what she sings every time she puts her shoes on.</p>
<p>So from move in day to graduation day, grandmas can be difficult. I vow to never sing that song!! Yuck. Even when I’m a grandma.</p>
<p>When Kid #1 moved in, we brought Kid #2 (a high school junior), and it was ultra-successful. Not only was he quite helpful, but it was a turning point in his life. Not wearing a sign that said “Little Brother”, he got approached with obvious interest by several young women, all of whom opened conversation by complimenting his Tintin t-shirt. He had never met anyone his age not related to him who “got” Tintin. He decided that this college thing could be a really, really sweet deal.</p>
<p>Two years later, when he moved in, Kid #1 was still there, so there wasn’t any question about bringing her. Her apartment was two blocks from his dorm, and she let him and his stuff stay with her for several days before the dorm opened. We joined them for move-in. That worked pretty well, too.</p>
<p>We had to fly cross country…fun!! H job was to get big boxes from post office, crush and recycle said boxes, go find us icecream or something, and he ended up helping some other moms in the dorm. He was ready to go after room was set up so we didn’t stay for eny of the convocationy stuff.</p>
<p>In two weeks we take other D to same college. He will feel just as useful I imagine.</p>
<p>i am making him a “we are empty nesters basket” for when he gets home. Wiink wink</p>
<p>Funny thing, we all wanted aisle seats for the lfight out, so that’s what I did. On the flight back, H and I are sitting across the aisle from each other!!</p>
<p>THis time, H will be sent with other D to local sears. And he will be useful taking suitcases on subway to airport. And the pink toolset I got D, well, if he has to use it, he can just suck it up!!</p>
<p>I cannot imagine not making the bed. It will be a long emotion-filled day for everyone and a lot of stress for the kid with all those new faces and confusion about where they’re supposed to go for what. I can think of no better reward than landing in a bed that is as close to home as you can get without being there. The only thing I will suggest is putting some sort of note or other reminder that the mattress pad is actually not to be left on the bed come year end! I very much like the idea of stashing some cash in an envelope, but I imagine if S ever changes the sheets they’ll come off in one big ball and he’d never see that $20 OR he’d be like the prince (instead of princess) and the pea where he’d “feel” the edges of the envelope like a razor cutting into him.</p>
<p>If only Dad is taking child to school, he probably wont be making the bed. BUT… he can still slip some money under the pillow. The story about the dad and the fridge is a classic and while fridges are normal fare these days, sending dad to the grocery store for the case of water, pop and some well chosen junk food is a great idea. As it is, I would print this thread out for my own husband, but I think he’d take the “go to bar” step all too literally and we’d never see him again!</p>
<p>With S when he started he was not ready for us to leave. We stayed most of the day setting up his room - it’s what he wanted. I think it depends on the kid. D has already told me she expects me to make her bed and help set up her stuff so we’ll do the same thing for her.</p>
<p>At Barnard it was a riot seeing all the dad activity on behalf of their girls. And the girls were all in the hallways socializing. Drills were going, bookshelves shelving, beds lofted, quite a wild, insane happening.</p>
<p>And being it was in the city, we had a half our window during which we had to move in and our own square on Broadway for belongings. </p>
<p>So everyone converged on the dorm at exactly the same time.</p>
<p>D was thrilled to have her bed set up and all internet questions handled. We departed because she had a “date” with a Columbia guy she had already met on Facebook. So much for a woman’s college and focus on studies. It was cute.</p>
<p>At Williams the scene was very quiet and sedate. We were in the mountains and it seemed like no one else was around. People helped carry his stuff up the four flights of stairs. He had a single. We saw no one except out of the corners of our eyes. S wanted everything done in his room, including picture placement.</p>
<p>It was magazine perfect.</p>
<p>Then his JA said they were going to dinner as a hall, did S want to come. He said we were perfectly free to take him to dinner, but I thought, “No way.” I didn’t want him to miss the first bonding experience of his entry. So off they went as we closed his door and walked to the car. Absolutely no fanfare.</p>
<p>Barnard was mayhem with D frantically running off to meet up with the boy.</p>
<p>Just moved my son into his dorm almost a week ago. My husband could not get off work, so the job fell to my two sons and me. The boys were awesome. They had the car cleaned out and delivered all things to the suite in just 20 minutes. My son asked that we stay to help him organize everything – we made the bed, unpacked the suitcase, hung what needed to be hung, put away his cleaning supplies, etc. Rochester Mom is right. It depends on the kid. Mine loved that we stayed and organized things with him. In fact, after lunch that day, while we were on the way home, my son took a nap. He said he would not have been able to do that if he hadn’t had so much help.</p>
<p>1) If you have brought furniture/items to be assembled, do so before leaving. DH and I helped S put together an Ikea bookcase which S insisted he needed and that we hauled from Maryland to Illinois. All that was left was for S to install the <em>shelves</em> which he said he do later that evening.</p>
<p>Fast forward to move-out day: One bookcase. One 60-lb. box of books. Shelves were never installed.</p>
<p>2) Yes, DH/Dad, it IS ok to buy an Ikea bookcase in Illinois.</p>
<p>3) Do not schedule business travel the week of college-move-in. DH drove to UChicago on Thursday, dropped S off at a hotel and flew to NYC, I flew into Chicago early Friday, DH got out of federal court at 1:30 am Saturday and was on campus by 9:30 am Saturday. S handed Dad a Jolt straight from the (already-cold) dorm fridge and let him collapse on S’s freshly-made bed. (Note: this was an unexpected major business crisis last September…not something folks expected to happen.)</p>
<p>4) The definition of screwdriver, in the case of college move-ins, can be expanded to include orange juice and vodka.</p>
<p>5) While we did a call on our drive home asking where I’d put the hair conditioner, S survived two colds without ever noticing the medical supply bag right next to said toiletries. When he got to his summer sublet in June, he said, “Mom, what is this?” followed by, “Yeah, I could have used the Robitussin and cough drops a few months ago.”</p>
<p>6) Move-in day is not about you. It’s about your S/D. Everyone is hot, sweaty, stressed and emotionally volatile. Chill out and hug your wife. Be thankful you have gotten your kid to this stage of life.</p>
<p>Repeat after me (and I think this goes for both Dad and Mom):</p>
<p>6) Move-in day is not about you. It’s about your S/D. Everyone is hot, sweaty, stressed and emotionally volatile. Chill out and hug your spouse. Be thankful you have gotten your kid to this stage of life</p>
<p>6) Move-in day is not about you. It’s about your S/D. Everyone is hot, sweaty, stressed and emotionally volatile. Chill out and hug your spouse. Be thankful you have gotten your kid to this stage of life</p>
<p>6) Move-in day is not about you. It’s about your S/D. Everyone is hot, sweaty, stressed and emotionally volatile. Chill out and hug your spouse. Be thankful you have gotten your kid to this stage of life</p>
<p>back to man land.My H was very sweet, he tried to be helpful, but it was indeed best to send him off on “missions”. Gave him someting useful to do, well kinda, so he wasn’t just standing around while I helped D put clothes on hangers, and we didn’t need his comment of omg, you need THAT many pairs of black shoes?! And he suggested that they set up a putting green for the dads while the women folk played house!! Hrmpph, but it would have been nice if he and the other dads had some sort of playpen or something. </p>
<p>Also, I would have had a better plan for dinner. And would have snuck in a small bottle of champagne to open in the cab as we left. As this is our last to leave, I think it will hit H harder than he thinks it will. For me, its a daily process and he just walks around the piles, but when he comes home to the calm, and quiet, it will be interesting to see how he does.</p>
<p>Oh, and good thing he travels light, because his clothes for three days need to fit into a purse cause D is taking all the luggage space</p>
<p>From my S1’s experience, he told little bro, who is headed to college next week, “let Dad arrange your room anyway he wants then do what you want after he leaves.” Dad and S1 are currently setting up his new, post college apt and S1 plans to make it his own on Sunday. </p>
<p>Dad is “always right” here when it comes to moving kids to college. I say goodbye in the driveway, then goe inside to cry. Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it. A quick driveway goodbye beats the 14 hour or 8 hour drive to college plus all the drama of move-in.</p>
<p>Harvard has a couple of nice slide shows (with sound) of their move-in day that give a nice feel for the sights and sounds of that universally exciting first day in the life of college students everywhere. </p>
<p>Click on the link and scroll past the dozens of slide shows to near the bottom and one of the move-in day shows is there. Scroll part way back up to find the other one from the following year:</p>
</p>