<p>07Dad, you are right – spouse is the better word!</p>
<p>Still on first page, but seems “sexist” and this mom can’t relate. All in good fun, I’m sure!</p>
<p>shrinkrap, lol, yes all in good fun. We moms are trying to give dads a forum for what they might be able to contribute to the move in.</p>
<p>Keep reading, you will see the funny,</p>
<p>Shrinkrap, I don’t have a husband/boyfriend, but I saw the bumbling around when I moved D in last year, and I think I was glad I didn’t have one!</p>
<p>After years of moving 3 daughters into dorms at various colleges, my husband would never leave home without his own folding hand-truck/cart and bungee cords. Many schools do provide hand trucks, but there is frequently a long line to get them. You can purchase a perfectly adequate one for about $50 and it will make it soooo much easier to transport bulky/heavy items such as small fridge and large boxes.</p>
<p>When my sister left for college, she banned my parents from dropping her off. We are a people who cry and we cry more together. My parents understood and so instead our uncle took her. Said uncle is 6’4" tall, has worked outside all his life and has that tough, weather beaten look which matches his personality very well plus he’s the rare non-crier in our family. </p>
<p>So, they drove up together, unloaded all of her stuff, set up her part of the room and generally had a great day. My sister walked him to his van and when she went to hug him, he burst into tears. My sister said, “Oh, I expected better from you” and then promtly burst into tears herself.</p>
<p>Due to input received, bed making modified!!</p>
<p>Prior to departure/during trip:</p>
<p>Do not cry.
Do not lecture/provide life lessons.
Do not fight with your spouse or child.</p>
<p>-Upon arrival:
Help carry the stuff into room.
Do not comment on quality or size of room - this is their home.
Do not make bed (UNLESS THEY ASK AND TRULY WANT YOU TO). This is their home.
Do not put items away. This is their home.
Take your cue from child - “I got it from here”…“Ok, thanks for helping” = leave their new home - now.
Say goodbye - 2 minute rule- handshake/hug from Dad; hug/kiss from Mom.
Leave life lesson note and $20 in student mailbox, or mail to them next week.</p>
<p>-Ride home:
Do not fight with your spouse (displaced anger/sadness)
Have a drink together.
Celebrate the good job you’ve done raising your child.
Make plans together, as your life has just started a new phase.
Decide how long you will wait to call them, as they will probably not call you.<br>
Report Problem Post Reply </p>
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<p>08-13-2009, 08:43 PM</p>
<p>D1’s college gave strict instructions for freshman move-in day that early arrivers were NOT to start claiming beds, closets, etc. and putting away belongings until all roommates were present so that nobody got all the best selections and everything was mutually agreed to. We carefully observed this rule and just piled all her stuff in the middle of the room for several hours until new roomie and her parents showed up. But the mother and daughter across the hall flouted this rule and immediately got all moved in. When the other roommate showed up in the afternoon there was a nasty dispute between the mothers over this violation of protocol that loudly dragged on for hours. I’m sure this ruined the day for both girls.</p>
<p>Great ideas, everyone. </p>
<p>Although this will be the second S going off to college, the oldest was much closer to home. </p>
<p>I can’t see myself NOT making the bed at move-in. I know from summer programs during the past few years that S will appreciate it. And I don’t mind.</p>
<p>His younger brother will come along, because I think it’s important. They are close, and I think younger brother needs to see where his brother will be. He didn’t come along for last summer’s college visit, so he’s never seen the campus.</p>
<p>So (and not to hijack the thread) what would be the protocol if you’re moving in one kid several days before the other gets to campus due to fall sports? Obviously, he can’t wait until the roommate arrives??</p>
<p>But in the big picture kind of way, either coordinating arrival or waiting (not all day for sure though) is a good rule because older D’s roommate got there extra early and claimed bottom bunk, best desk and the better closet before we even walked into the door. She created her own little world before we even walked into the dorm. It was annoying, but it wasn’t my life and so if my daughter wanted it changed she would need to be the one to speak up - let’s just say this prima dona behavior carried over to all aspects of dorm life and she was pretty much hated before the second week of classes by the entire floor. I didn’t have to say a word. It’s your kid’s life… if he/she has a problem, you can encourage them to speak up on their own behalf but it doesn’t need to be in the first 15 minutes of meeting face to face.</p>
<p>I’m with The Mom above - send the kid off with Dad and stay home. More room in the car that way.</p>
<p>Modadunn - D had that issue last year - 5 girls in the room, 3 single beds and one bunk set. Last girls there got the bunk beds. D did a before-classes service program, so she moved in a couple days early, although she ended up 3rd there.</p>
<p>Moda, I would have hoped RAs would be proative. Many state schools where I live will have kids tripling in rooms designed as doubles with only 2 desks, 2 closets , 2 dressers. All they are doing is moving in one extra bed (as bunk bed) </p>
<p>My child is not going to instate school, but as a taxpayer, I am outraged. They only have 2 internet connections in makeshift triples. Give me a break, how much would it cost to give out splitters. </p>
<p>If I were a RA in a dorm, I would say to the earliesy – do not take the best of everything. take on best – say bed, and then alternate.</p>
<p>My lD ooked up her new roomie on FB and saw a post to someone else about how the roomie can’t wait to get there first to claim the best bed, closet, etc. Needless to say this was not the most encouraging start to a new relationship. I have steeled msyelf to stay out of it however…</p>
<p>I am moving in the day before my roomie but am making it a point to make sure everything is fair. My parents paid $75 for me to move in a day early because I have an anxiety condition and we thought it might be easier on me (and my parents) to be able to move in when there’s at least a tiny bit less hustle and bustle. I haven’t told my roommate because I don’t want her to get upset about it, but I am definitely going to make sure I don’t screw her out of anything. Most of the furniture in our rooms are all the same anyway, it’s just a matter of how things are arranged. What I have in mind actually puts her in a better position to see the tv I am bringing for us to share, and she’ll be able to reach her alarm clock without getting out of bed and I won’t be able to. But of course anything she wants to change when she gets to school is fine with me, I’ll even trade. So hopefully she won’t be upset that I got there first.</p>
<p>I’m bringing homemade cookies, too. :)</p>
<p>K, my D sooo needs to room with you :). We are arriving in Boston from CA so it will be very stressful no matter what we do, and bringing cookies wouldn’t really be an option, but bringing something for both of them is a very good idea!</p>
<p>Just as a piece of advice:
If you are buying a toolkit for girls, check out a brand called Her Tools. Besides being purple and much more girly than normal tools, they are designed for smaller hands and are a bit lighter. As a female who’s great with a drill or a hammer, they are awesome and “fit” me better than traditional tools…</p>
<p>Def check them out for your daughters</p>
<p>DD loved her pink toolkit. She also loved that she learned how to solder. Again dads, girls can do things. She gets really angry with her dad when he condescends to her in any way.</p>
<p>Thanks mythmom. I’m glad i’m not the only girl with such a toolkit
I can probably wire and build better than my dad, although i wouldn’t want to hurt his ego, so he’ll never know</p>
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<p>At my S’s request, I did both the 1500 mile RT drive with S for freshman dorm move-in and drove his old home bedroom stuff up for S’s first apartment. No mom involved in either trip.</p>
<p>If mom is “essential” to all this, I guess someone forgot to tell me and my S.</p>
<p>Not all dads are alike either. I waited to be asked for my advice and/or assistance once we unloaded the vehicle during the freshman move-in. S didn’t want unpacking/arranging help. He did ask for a little advice on placement of the fans to get the best air circulation.</p>
<p>For the apartment for this coming junior year, he did ask for suggestions on how to block the morning sun from coming in his bedroon windows so he could sleep in occasionally and on how to close off an open bedroom closet (it had no doors).</p>
<p>We had the tool kit that everyone has mentioned and we bought sewing sissors, needle and thread and safety pins. We did a Home Depot and Target run. We cut and hemmed black out panels to make window curtains to block the sun. </p>
<p>We used one inch PVC pipe (which we custom cut to fit) to make a long, light weight, but strong curtain rod across the front of the open closet, mounted a pair of open U rod holders on the sides of the jamb and on the PVC rod hung shortened pre-made non-shear curtain panels we bought using safety pins to tighten the rod loops so the curtains did not drag on the floor. </p>
<p>I did go so far as to avise him (without waiting to be asked) that he always needed to have toilet paper, clean hand towels, a named brand liquid hand soap, a clean trash can and a container of air freshener for his one bathroom if he planned to have female guests.</p>
<p>All this got done with nary a female in sight.</p>
<p>FYI–my S and I also do father son traveling adventure trips (just the two of us).</p>
<p>i have been moving my son in and out of math science hs for past 3 years. according to him, i cut the time factor of loading or unloading by about 75% from the one time his dad did it, and apparently i can load a car like no ones business LOL. On move in day, i help get the stuff out of the car, he lugs it up to room, i run to walmart for the things he needs (and should have brought with him ie toiletries, snacks etc) and by the time i get back, he’s ready to wave goodbye and away i go to a hotel before the 6 hour drive back the next day. First year was much more traumatic, with me as the hovering mother (of course he was only 15 then) wanting to make up bed, organize his room, reluctant to say goodbye. Moveout day is much more hectic as he has never packed his stuff and usually piddles around, while i throw things in boxes and bags. A little crazy but it works for us LOL. Probably will be me that takes him off to college, and leave Dad here to watch younger brother.</p>
<p>I have happily sent H to move both kids in and out. Fourth story walk-ups and no elevators are not good for my asthma. It’s one situation in which I say, without a doubt, that my H is more effective and more competent.</p>
<p>It’s not a competition.</p>
<p>And the bonding time, wow, even better.</p>