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<p>AMEN.</p>
<p>I agree its not a competition, but with three (student and 2 parents) its a triangle. One on one can be great, efficient and memorable.</p>
<p>S2 is beginning Y3. He’s bringing his newly acquired old car with him. Mom will also take her car (it’s not far) so Dad gets a pass this year. Yeah for me!</p>
<p>I am driving with S (er he is driving – I have the white knuckles) and H is driving his crossover with all the stuff and driving me home, or I may drive home.</p>
<p>But I have shotgun S’s first drive to his school with his old clunker car.</p>
<p>Dads- your S may SAY he doesn’t need you to go with him to find his dorm room and it’s ok to leave him waiting in line with all his stuff to check in while you take off. This will not be true. He may SAY he doesn’t care if you wait around for the parent’s orientation and then a final goodbye but leave straight away for the airport. Again, this will not be true.
This happened to my S when my ex took him to a new school (never visited) in a new city 1,500 miles away (never visited). Maybe the goodbye will be tough. Man up Dad, which in this case, means seeing him through the process until he’s settled. Really.</p>
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<p>07DAD, do you have a single brother? :)</p>
<p>For some time now I’ve been enjoying this truthful, funny, sweet, touching thread. </p>
<p>Dads – they are a different breed. We love you and need your oftentimes different approach, as do our beloved children.</p>
<p>In a few weeks, my unemployed husband is driving my daughter the 1000 miles back to college. I’m the newly minted full-time employee, with no vacation time accrued. </p>
<p>Being out of work, my husband has usurped my former role of chauffeur and chief counselor. He has come to know his children in a way only possible through day-to-day interaction. It has been a happy, unexpected silver lining to unemployment. </p>
<p>I agree, it’s not a competition. I do envy all the time he will have in the car with her, organizing her room, hanging posters, smoothing down her bedspread. I wish I could be there, too. The bond they are forging is all that mitigates my disappointment.</p>
<p>This year little brother is making the trip. He can’t wait to see what “college” looks like, the mysterious place his beloved sister disappears to each Fall. He’s a sweetheart, always ready to lend a hand. Instead of me, he’ll be the one in tears when it comes time to say goodbye. </p>
<p>My girl will enjoy having the two most important men in her life to help. She is a fierce feminist, holds a second-degree black belt in martial arts, has better spatial and mechanical skills than her father so she’ll be assembling, and handling the technology set-ups. Dad possesses greater muscle strength. He’ll be in charge of hauling the heavier items up the stairs. He’s also much more esthetically attuned than either myself or my daughter. He’ll be the one hanging and adjusting the curtains to such perfection, even Martha Stewart would approve. All in all, they make a great team. </p>
<p>I would like to believe I will get a full accounting of the send-off when the boys return. I know better than to expect much more than a few words, something along the lines of, “It was fine.” </p>
<p>So, Dads, just one more tip for any of you taking the children off by yourselves: If they ask, please give your poor wives a complete, detailed description of how it went down!! Edit as needed.</p>
<p>jnsq: What a sweet, adorable post. Yes, we are versatile and possess unique skills that can’t be pigeon-holed into rigid gender definitions. Your family sounds amazing.</p>
<p>And what a sweet experience for your little boy.</p>
<p>It is hard when mammas have to stay hope. Hugs.</p>
<p>07Dad, I sew and I am mightily impressed. I think I would have gone with a tension rod, but it wouldn’t be as sturdy as what you guys did.</p>
<p>jnsq… perfect. Maybe that’s why mom’s have trouble backing away sometimes, if left to the dad’s we get no information or very little… whereas if the parties reverse, dad’s ears would be bleeding before he just couldn’t hear anymore!</p>
<p>Countingdown–the rod had to span a 6 foot reach-in closet opening that had at one time had two 3 foot wide sliding doors. I found tension rods, but was skeptical that they would work. I discussed this with an employee in the fabric section and she agreed that it probably wouldn’t work.</p>
<p>I had seen all kinds of thinks made of PVC and figured a 1" diameter would be stiff enough without being too heavy.</p>
<p>westernhillsmom–</p>
<p>one size doesn’t fit all kids, and that includes moving into college. My S and I got to campus at the 8:30 allowed move-in time. We worked together to get his stuff up to his room on the second floor of the dorm. At that point his roommate wasn’t there. I asked if S wanted arranging help, he declined and asked that I go back to Home Depot to get another pole lamp because he did think that it was going to be needed after seeing his room in the morning light.</p>
<p>I went and got it. Had to park several blocks away from the dorm on my return since once you unloaded your freshman’s stuff you had to park away from the dorm buildling. When I returned with the pole lamp, my S, his roommate and the roommate’s parents were all there. They had already decided to loft the beds and had that accomplished. My S had “stowed” his stuff. </p>
<p>The boys were discussing going in together to get a couch for the room. My S asked if he could take my SUV and he and the roommate would go to the near campus second-hand store we had driven by the night before and see what was available. My S had visited the college (by himself) for several days and had a basic understand of the layout of the streets around campus. </p>
<p>The mom of the roommate said --no, why didn’t they (those parents) take the boys in their SUV. My S said “OK” and my S and I set a time to meet for the freshman welcoming convocation that afternoon.</p>
<p>When we met up later, I asked how it had gone and had they found a couch. My S said that the roommate’s mom was less than impressed with the second-hand store and had taken them to a furniture store and there was a couch she was pushing that had to be ordered from their Denver store. He said the couches at the second-hand store were $X and that the new one would be 4.5 x $X and that he had decided to decline to go in on the new one. I let it go.</p>
<p>We did the convocation and the all family buffet after it. I saw the roommate’s parents across the tent at the buffet and we waved. S and I met early the next morning at the campus bookstore. He invited me to come see his room before I left. His roommate had gone to breakfast. I went and saw the room and left for the 750 mile drive back home.</p>
<p>At the end of the week I got a letter from the roommate’s mom. She told me how happy she was that her son had been partnered with an “independent” student. She said that when they arrived, the boys picked their bed, desk and closet locations and that my S proceeded to start unloading his stuff either onto his bed, into the closet or on top of or into the desk. </p>
<p>She said that her worst fear started to play out. Her S just sat there. She mentioned that my S then took his paperwork and started to head off to get all the registration stuff done. He apparently asked their S if he wanted to go do it at the same time. They apparently did go together and had this accomplished by my return from getting the pole lamp. She said she had put away all her S’s stuff while the boys were gone doing the paperwork.</p>
<p>She said she hoped that my S would rub off on her son and that he would start to figure things out on his own. She observed that perhaps she and her husband were reaping a little of what they had sown since she said that they tended to make everything happen for their son.</p>
<p>BTW–At the first break, I did find out that a few days after move-in the 2 boys found and purchased an inexpensive couch of their choosing. The roommate’s parents sent their son a check for his part. My S had a set amount for the semester and paid for his half out of that. At the end of the freshman year, they bartered and the roommate wanted the beat up old couch he had had a say in choosing and my S took a flat screen computer monitor (still in the box) that the roommate’s parent’s had their son bring “just in case” he got tired of using the laptop screen.</p>
<p>Not every kid by the time they reach college needs a dad (or a mom) to “man up” to do these things for them.</p>
<p>Thank you all for this thread. Both DH and I read it the morning before we left to drop DS off at dorm. We found your advice very helpful.</p>
<ol>
<li>DS unpacked himself so that he would know where to find things.</li>
<li>When he decided some “extras” I packed were not necessary, I took them to the car without a complaint.</li>
<li>No one commented on the odd size and arrangement of the room, but i could not help marvelling at how clean everything was.</li>
<li>I “helped” make the bed to my own satisfaction.</li>
</ol>
<p>07Dad – for a 6-ft. wide space, yeah I wouldn’t do a tension rod, either. I was thinking it was a smaller opening.</p>
<p>Glad to hear the roommates decided on the used sofa.</p>
<p>07Dad- your post about what you did for your S is however, just what I’m talking about. You stayed involved to the level that your son wanted/needed your involvement. There’s over-involvement, just-right involvement (as you demonstrated) and un-invovlement that borders on abandonment. In my S’s case, when his dad said “you don’t need me here, right?” my S didn’t know how to say “why yes, Dad, it would be great if you’d come see my dorm room,” because his dad so clearly thought that his son should cope all on his own. As has been mentioned on this board, moving-in can be a real bonding experience, especially if done with respect, cameraderie and humor. Basically, my son felt ditched because his dad couldn’t/wouldn’t deal with the emotionality of it all. Walking with your son to his new dorm room to see him off isn’t exactly “doing things for him” is it?-more like being a good parent and a good friend. And the result? My S and his D hardly spoke for the whole first year because my S said to himself “Fine. who needs you?”</p>
<p>I put the “stuff away”…and made the bed. Otherwise, the clothes would not have been put away and God knows if the bed would have ever been made. But just freshman year. After that the DAD made the move in (and move out) trips without me (the mom).</p>
<p>Dads, I know it’s 102 degrees and you’re carrying stuff, so you can wear what you want for the actual move in. But can you please take some decent clothes for the rest of the weekend?! </p>
<p>Sorry dads…the moms all looked pretty nice this weekend, but the dads looked like they were either ready to go out for a jog or to mow the lawn. Come on, leave the mid-thigh length shorts and too-tight tshirts at home! And if you forgot to bring white socks in the rush of packing, please run to Walmart and pick up a pair rather than wearing your black socks with your shorts and tennis shoes, okay? :)</p>
<p>I can’t stand seeing a guy in shorts with white socks. I think none with sneakers or sandals looks better. Okay maybe a very low cut sock but otherwise if you have the shorts on the socks are out. Luckily I’ve finally convinced my H of this.</p>
<p>But you’ve got to admit that white beats black!</p>
<p>After this weekend, I’m convinced that Stacy and Clinton need to do a What Not to Wear: Extreme Heat Edition. Like I said, the moms were pretty good at wearing sleeveless dresses, etc. but the guys had no clue of how to look both put together and cool and comfy in the heat.</p>
<p>One of the last things we did before saying goodbye was to leave my wife’s extra key to son’s car with him in case he loses his. He also gave us back his keys that he won’t be using at college.</p>
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<p>Shorts in Rochester? ;)</p>
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<p>This really varies by kid. My son means exactly what he says. He’s been raised by two adults who are very direct (some might say “blunt”) about things, especially emotional needs.</p>