In many debates, people attempt to sway the audience just by explaining their points with concision and talking over their opponents. However, the act of reiteration and simple language will not allow one to emerge victorious. Indeed, those who manage to properly change the opinions or mindsets of others demonstrate use of effective rhetoric by listening and addressing their opponent’s claims rather than speaking incessantly. The benefits of listening by thoroughly hearing out an argument or statement are demonstrated through the confident, determined acts of Ralph in William Golding’s LOTF.
First, you may be better off using at least two examples.
Second, you’re trying way too hard to use impressive vocab. Focus less on the language and more on the argument.
The second example is better than the first because the first is almost incomprehensible. You really need to simplify. For example:
Listening is more important than speaking when trying to persuade others. In many debates, people attempt to sway their audience by explaining their points and talking over their opponents. However,these people could be effective if they listened to the other side and addressed the issues relevant to their audience. The benefits of listening are demonstrated well by Ralph in William Golding’s LOTF.