<p>If I actually get to go to my first choice school which accepted me EA (still so excited!!!), I'm going to be across the country and I already know I'm somewhat introverted by nature. So:</p>
<p>1) Any tips from experience with your kids in college about how not to get homesick when on the opposite side of the country?
2) How did your kids deal with the "mtv real-world" feel of trying to make friends all over again? Any tips on how to deal with this completely awkward and feeding-frenzy type of atmosphere?
3) How large was their adjustment for academics, especially at top 15-25 undergrad schools? I've read the archives on a similar topic but was wondering if there's anything I'm missing as to tips on how to study properly for classes.
4) How many extracurriculars have your kids found are doable and meaningful in college (certainly not the 82190328 each every kid in high school seems to be attempting?)
5) Is it still possible to get a good 9 hours' worth of sleep every night at top 25 colleges? Sheeeeesh!</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Make friends with as many different groups as possible. Give yourself a whole year to decide who your 'best' friends are. Try not to jump into a serious relationship.</p></li>
<li><p>Don't sabotoge yourself. You will feel homesick when things arent going well or you are't' feeling well. Do yourself a favor: eat properly, keep regular sleep patterns, pace your academics and call your friends and family to keep in touch.</p></li>
<li><p>Get involved in intramural sport to keep yourself fit and meet new people. </p></li>
<li><p>Top 25 or not, you probably won't be getting 9 hours of sleep per night--but 7 is doable and you can squeeze in naps if you need them.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>College is not scary. It is a gift of time and space that allows you to explore your intellectual, spiritual and social interests in a highly stimulating environment. Something like 95% of CC parents look back on their college days with fondness and wi****lness.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Students! The parents can console themselves by converting my bedroom into a sewing room? :)
[/quote]
Sounds like my mom. I think she's counting the days till she can finally get that sewing room she's been without since we moved here when I was two!</p>
<p>D knew no one when she went to school this year, and she is shy but very extroverted once she knows someone well. She had no problem. She has become close to the girls on her floor. When she arrived, she made sure to say hello to everyone on her floor, invited them over for games and movies, and off they went. A lot of kids will be in the same boat, looking to meet people, so it won't be as hard as you think, provided you make the effort to smile and greet those living close to you, and things will evolve.</p>
<p>Try to help others overcome their homesickness & you will not think about your own--it really helps! Also, try to be around people who are happy & excited about being at their new campus. Most folks are very friendly--smile & talk to folks you meet in class & on campus. Folks you meet in the dorm & dining hall are neat to get to know as well. If you have ANY special interest you love--band, orchestra, some club or activity, JOIN it so you can have one more niche to meet folks. It is nice to have lots of folks you can "hang out with" before you narrow it down & figure out who you want to spend more time with. It's especially important not to jump into any long term relationship right away--give yourself time to meet lots of people.
Getting involved really makes the time fly!</p>
<p>I would say that my S has maybe had two or three days of 9 hours of sleep since the end of September. There is a t-shirt at his school that says "Where the number of hours you sleep is lower than your GPA." Still, he loves it.</p>
<p>Hi mycornerofparadise:
Try not to worry too much. It is a lot to adjust to all at once, but college is SO much fun in addition to hard work.</p>
<p>Ideas: take supplies with you for when you get sick (medicines, instant soup, kleenex). Being sick at school 1,000 miles away from Mom was hard for my d (and for Mom too).</p>
<p>Don't get behind in your studies or your reading. It's easy to do and it leads to great stress.</p>
<p>Try to talk to a lot of people and make friends outside of your dorm. That "cast a wide net" approach works here.</p>
<p>My daughter is 900 miles away and had many of your same concerns. As others have said, everyone is in the same boat friends-wise at the beginning of first semester. Though my d can be reserved, she pushed herself to attend every hall meeting and freshman event, and so developed a circle of casual friends rather quickly. Almost every school has an orientation program for freshmen that features smaller break-off groups, so you'll always have someone to meet for coffee or whatever.</p>
<p>You were accepted at a top school in part because the admissions committee was confident of your academic success. You may have to navigate a steep learning curve in terms of studying college material, but so will everyone else. It's eye-opening to be surrounded by people who are just as bright as you are (if not more so!), but that can serve to improve your focus and time management skills. Remember, you won't be a prisoner in the same building 7-8 hours each day, and your time won't be taken up with gym, health, a set time for lunch, etc. You'll be free to set your own studying schedule.</p>
<p>9 hours of sleep - ouch! That's a tough requirement at any school, let alone an academically rigorous one. Foregoing sleep is something most college kids get used to, after a fashion. If you physically NEED more sleep than most, you can get it if you make it a requirement, but it will mean staying on top of schoolwork, using earplugs and eyeshades, and having an understanding roommate.</p>
<p>The fact that you've even asked these questions shows you've got a lot of maturity, foresight, and the other good stuff you'll need to succeed. You're going to love it!</p>
<p>I managed about 8 hours of sleep a day through most of college, believe it or not. And graduated in three years, too. From MIT. I slept 6 hours a night, went to bed a t midnight and got up at 6 to study (I've always been a morning person), then took a two hour nap in the afternoon. </p>
<p>Study tips:
1) try to do the reading ahead of class, it makes it more obvious where you need to pay attention
2) go to every single class and take ACTIVE notes--the kind where you write down the QUESTIONS the professor raises, not just the answers. Go over your notes after class and make sure the Q-A parts are clear. Add in stuff from your reading.
3) participate in class discussions, even if--especially if--you only say you're confused.</p>
<p>Ahaha I'll definitely remember that one. I think attending all the freshman events etc. as much as possible the first few months is a very good idea, too. So many good ideas, actually that I can't list them all withuot repeating all the whole thread. Ever wonder what all the CCers could do if we put together all our brainpower at once (heee heee light a city at night, whee!)?</p>
<p>D went 2000 miles away knowing noone. She had been away before so sort of knew how to push herself to meet new people.Your first circle of acquaintances will be your dorm mates. D says leave your door open when you are there and say hi to everyone,then ask a followup question like..where are you from,whats your major,etc to start a conversation.Force yourself(at the beginning)to attend floor and hall events even if they sound "lame".Ask your neighbors to join you for dinner/lunch during the first few days,everyones in the same situation as you are.Volunteer for a dorm/floor council posiition,even if you hate being a volunteer ,D volunteered to put up bulletin board info b/c it placed her in the hallways talking to people passing by.Suppress the urge to stay on your computer IMing with your HS friends,get out of your room.Take some time to find an activity/group that interests you..one or two will be plenty and you dont have to rush into it.Do something intramural with your floor/dorm even if you aren't athletically inclined..its a bonding experience.</p>
<p>I am going to pass all this great advice on to my D who will be more than 3000 miles from home across the Atlantic.</p>
<p>Try to remember lots of names and faces from people in your dorm and classes-nod and smile or say hi whenever you pass someone familiar on campus. Get to know at least a little bit about lots of people and remember something about each one you talk to --your interest will make others regard you as approachable. At meals or coffee breaks approach others who are alone and try to make small talk-- where are you from? what do you think of Prof. X's course so far? Are you enjoying that book we're supposed to be reading? Don't expect to have close friends right away --the first goal is to feel at home and part of a few groups you can hang out with at meals or on weekends. Explore your campus for semi-public places where you can do some course reading but also be open to passers-by for an occasional chat. Try out several ECs with the realization that you may not be able or willing to continue with all of them. Think about getting 9 hours sleep on weekends and managing with less during the week --averaging about 8-9 hours might be a little more realistic. Other freshmen may feel homesick too--ask them about their hometowns and families-- sharing stories about "what it's like where I come from" can also be a bonding experience. </p>
<p>With the exception of Friday and Saturday nights or special events, try to put your course work first when there are time conflicts about activities--but build some relaxation and recreation into your routine--your first reason for being there is the academics but you don't have to be a martyr to the cause.</p>
<p>Mycorner,
Here is a simple tip for attracting other students to your room. My S was pretty introverted and it worked for him. I gave him a wicker basket (you can use anything similar) and we filled it with all kinds of wrapped candy. Mini-Snickers, Milky Ways, M & M's, Starbursts, everything. Sort of like Halloween. Then we wrote a note on the white board outside his room which said something like, "Please stop in for some candy!" No one in college needs to be invited twice for candy. Kids dropped in constantly, to the point where it was getting expensive for my S to keep the basket filled! Eventually, he let the "tradition" die out, but he had visitors for months coming to his room. As for sleep, I don't think he gets more than 6-7 hours a night, but I'll bet he naps occasionally. I think he participates heavily in two extracurriculars, and dabbles in a couple of others. He has told people that he spends 20-30 hours a week on extracurriculars. He attends a very rigorous school. It all works-you'll figure it out along with everyone else! Good luck!</p>
<p>As a former college prof, my advice is to get involved ASAP with a campus extracurricular group that has to do with something that greatly interests you. That's the best way to meet friends whom you have things in common with.</p>
<p>Usually fall term, the campus groups are recruiting, and freshmen are highly desired. Don't be shy about trying an activity that you have no experience in. Freshmen are not expected to be that savvy.</p>
<p>If you hesitate and wait until spring semester, however, to get involved, it will be more difficult because many organizations do their newcomers training in the fall, and don't have much going on in the spring to welcome newcomers.</p>
<p>I also suggest that when you get involved in an organization, volunteer to work on a committee or to do some other type of work for the group. It's by doing work together that people make friends.</p>
<p>My other advice is to expect that social norms will be different when you move to a new region of the country. I found that out myself even though I went to college only a 2.5 hour drive from home. Instead of complaining about the new norms, welcome the chance to learn some new things. If you complain, that will just drive away potential new friends.</p>
<p>When my D went off to boarding school, only 45 minutes away, she was physically ill with homesickness to the point where she would leave class and go to the nurse!</p>
<p>We made the mistake of letting her come home the first two weekends, which only prolonged the adjustment since she didn't bond with anyone during the down time of the weekends.</p>
<p>The school begged us to leave her be for weekend number 3 and assured us that the third week was the charm. They were right and we were lucky to get a phone call by week 4 (and ever since)!</p>
<p>So, I don't think it matters much if your 30 or 3000 miles away, homesickness doesn't need a map! If you're like my D, you'll be better off if you can't run home on a whim to Mom and Dad.</p>
<p>What baseballmom said about distance is true. When one of my sons' went 2,000 miles away to summer camp, he was not homesick even though he had to go there completely on his own and he was only in middle school. </p>
<p>He said later that the kid who was the most homesick was the one one who was from the small town that the overnight camp was located. That kid got so homesick that he was sent home!</p>
<p>Baseballmom brings up a great point. No matter how close you are DO NOT go home to visit those first few weekends. During the week, kids are busy with new classes and homework, so much of their bonding is done on the weekends. Kids that go home from the start really miss out and have a tougher time feeling connected and making good friends. There is a reason why schools schedule parents' weekends about 6 weeks into the term, it gives the kids a chance to get fully immersed in their college life.</p>
<p>Wow, This has got to be the best thread ever. I am printing it out to give to my daughter. A special kudo to Momof3sons - the candy basket idea is sheer brillance!</p>
<p>Some other thoughts:
1. Don't be shocked to realize that college classes ask you to think/earn in a different way. In high school, good grades tend to come from being able to memorize and regurgitate facts and data. In college, you'll be asked to apply and use information, not just memorize it. This will take some getting used to as your brain begins to stretch and grow in new ways.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Ear plug and eye shades, as well as headphones for ipods and CD players can be life savers when it comes to trying to sleep/nap in less than ideal circumstances. </p></li>
<li><p>Expect to feel homesick. Expect to feel out of sorts and uncertain. Expect to feel confused. Expect to even feel a little depressed at times. It is all part of the experience and these sorts of feelings usually pass fairly quickly so don't let them scare you. However, if you find yourself feeling down, stuck, anxious, or frightened for more than a few days, do not hesitate to seek out the campus counseling center and get some support.</p></li>
<li><p>Bring something from home that is a "comfort item." Something that will help you feel like your dorm room is familar. I think it is a mistake to run out and buy "all new" stuff like sheets, quilts, clothing, etc. -- bring at least ONE thing that feels familar, comfortable and safe to you.</p></li>
<li><p>Email the chamber of commerce for the city or town where you'll be attending school. If you'll be in a rural area, write to the city/town nearest you. Ask them to send you a map, a list of businesses, bus schedules, even a list of special annual events. Go online and find the website for the local newspaper and start reading it as well. Get familar with your new off-campus home before you start living there.</p></li>
<li><p>If the school has a message board or chat room specifically for admitted students, sign on as soon as possible and start introducing yourself. If nothing like this is offered, try to "meet" some of your fellow freshmen here, or on the school's live journal community if there is one.</p></li>
<li><p>Keep your memories of high school and your high school friendships in perspective. Sure, high school was great, and sure you had terrific friends, but things weren't ALWAYS perfect either. Don't romanticize high school to the point where your new life at college can't help but pale by comparison. High school wasn't perfect, but you grew to like it. College will be the same.</p></li>
<li><p>Don't be afraid to admit that you made the wrong choice. While I do think it is important to give any college a fair chance, if you are truly miserable, there is absolutely NO SHAME in transferring to somewhere that is a better fit.</p></li>
</ol>