Tired of faking "normal", need to do something (Is it ADHD?)

Parents Forum Learning Differences and Challenges - LD, ADHD
1

<p>Hi everyone,</p>

<p>I am a rising junior at Boston College, but I've had some serious academic issues these past two years. I was a fairly bright student in high school (3.5 GPA), but come to think of it, I think my problem goes further.</p>

<p>A brief history of my issues:</p>

<ul>
<li><p>In elementary and middle school (public, underfunded), teachers complained about me being constantly distracted and abnormal in social situations. Yet somehow, I was "smart" enough to get good grades. I was just could not do well socially (especially eye contact). I was bullied somewhat because of it. Nothing was done about it, because since I was "smart", so nothing could possibly be wrong...
(Remember, the workload at these schools was laughable, even compared to others at their level, since they were not well funded.)</p></li>
<li><p>In high school (private, good reputation), I did get help from the school psychiatrist on how to "socialize" (my advisor brought this problem up), and I finally learned how to make and keep a few friends. I was still socially "awkward" at times, though. My grades stayed quite good, though not exceptional for a high school student. I found that I was always taking too much time on assignments that didn't take others that long.</p></li>
<li><p>I've always had intrusive "obsessions" with various things (i.e. cars, electronics) that get in the way of my studying.</p></li>
<li><p>NOTE = I was never diagnosed with anything, partially due to my own / family "stigma" fears (more on this later)</p></li>
<li><p>In college, I truly collapsed. Freshman/sophomore years were truly awful for me - I currently have a 2.69 GPA with a 2.3 Science GPA (biology major)! I always wanted to go to medical school, now it looks like my dreams were ruined. (Especially after getting a D in Organic Chemistry II, and my school doesn't seem too forgiving about retaking it...)</p></li>
<li><p>The one semester I took 4 classes instead of 5, I did somewhat better.</p></li>
</ul>

<p>While I LOVE my parents, they've always been afraid of a "stigma" of me having some psychological disorder/syndrome, even if it is one that many others have.</p>

<p>But for me, it's time to find out what the heck it is that has been ruining me all these years.</p>

<p>It's ruining my life. I just want to know what it is, and what I should do. I should probably go to a psychologist, but how do I approach my family about this?</p>

<p>I'm always feeling guilty, as if I did something wrong.</p>

<p>Also, how can I recover my grades? Even if I don't get into a medical school, I'd still like to do some type of graduate program. I want something rewarding to do with my life.</p>

<p>Thank you for reading!</p>

<p>Sincerely,
Soarer</p>

<ul>
<li>Oh, and I know this is supposed to be a "pre-college issues" section of the forum, and I am a rising junior in college, but this seems like the best place to post the question.</li>
</ul>

2

<p>This looks more like something along the line of Asperger’s or NVLD. If you are still at college right now, pop on over to the disability services office and get a recommendation for screening. If you are home for the summer, ask your old pediatrician, or high school guidance counselor to recommend an educational psychologist who can evaluate you.</p>

<p>Once you have a preliminary assessment, the psychologist should be able to suggest things that you can do that will help you determine your own best way to work with the brain that you have.</p>

<p>Wishing you all the best!</p>

3

<p>After doing my research, I have come to the conclusion that I probably do have NVLD or Asperger’s, perhaps comorbid with ADHD. Now, the problem will be explaining the issue to my parents. I LOVE my parents dearly, but whenever I bring Asperger’s up, they immediately bring up an outdated, narrow stereotype of an “autistic” person and tell me, “You’re not like that! You’re just not applying yourself.” (Sigh…) But this is 2011, not the 1960s, I would like to explain…</p>

<p>It also doesn’t help that mental disorders particularly carry a stigma in our family, as we do have some distant family members with severe mental illnesses (i.e. bipolar). Certain extended family members (not my parents) often joke about comparisons between those people and me, which I find quite offensive.</p>

4

<p>Dear Soarer,</p>

<p>I think that must be a very strong and brave person to face this issue squarely and want to get information (and possibly a diagnosis) that will help you understand what is going on with you and open the door to getting help and learning ways to deal – even in the face of your family’s attitude. </p>

<p>I want to emphasize the fact that after you get a good evaluation and a diagnosis, after you develop a plan either with your college’s support office or with an excellent psychologist who has experience helping smart, determined young people cope with the same kinds of issues you’re facing, you will be in a better situation than you are now. You will be the same person you are now, with all of the same positive attributes – only with better ways to deal with issues that you’ve described here. </p>

<p>Your diagnosis is not going to be stamped on your forehead; it will be between you and your psychologist/doctor, and you will enjoy medical confidentiality. If and when you share your information with the support office at school – which is probably a very good way to go if your testing psychologist thinks that accommodations, coaching, or something else your school can provide will help you – you will still enjoy confidentiality. If you need accommodations, you or the support office will tell the professors in the relevant classes about the accommodation, but not about the diagnosis. Nothing about this will appear in your “permanent record,” your transcript, your recommendations, or anyplace other than confidential medical records. </p>

<p>Do remember that the reason the support office is there is that there are a bunch of other students using their services. You are not alone. </p>

<p>Remember that completely without diagnosis, accommodation, psych support, medication, or family support around these specific issues (and I’m not suggesting that your family in unsupportive in any other area), you have made it through high school and into Boston College and then through two years at a rigorous academic institution. Even in the face of difficulties, you have persevered and stuck it out. Not only that, you have insight into your inner processes and challenges; that is a very big deal.</p>

<p>Finally, remember that you are over 18 years of age. You can procure medical evaluation and treatment without parental consent. Your diagnosis, possible medication, and any sort of treatment or coaching you choose to undertake is confidential. If you should choose to pursue this on your own, if your school could point you to an excellent testing psychologist and you wanted to get a PT job and pay on your own, you could do that. You do not need anyone’s permission or approval. You can do this privately and for yourself. You could let your parents know now, or you could let them know after you have your diagnosis and you plan in place, or you could even share the information after your evaluation has lead to a successful plan that has begun to have a positive impact on your state of mind, grades, and even happiness. Or – not out of a sense of shame, but out of a sense of privacy – you could keep the information to yourself for as long as that felt comfortable to you.</p>

<p>It sounds as if you really love your family and have a close relationship. It is not unlikely that down the road, they will come to respect your decision to get evaluation and get help. The testing psychologist could even sit down and explain his or her findings to them and allay any fears they might have – but only if you chose to have that happen. I guess that what I’m saying is that you don’t have to wait to talk your family into thinking that getting evaluated, diagnosed, and helped is a good idea before you proceed.</p>

5

<p>Hi everyone,</p>

<p>After presenting and discussing the issue extensively with my parents, they agreed to get in touch with some psychologists. They also agreed to pay for all psychologist visits (I was going to find a way to do that myself!). I plan to meet up with one or more of them in the coming weeks.</p>

<p>The future is looking brighter now…</p>

<ul>
<li>Soarer</li>
</ul>

<p>P.S. Any more advice about this process? ANY input would be appreciated!</p>

6

<p>Wonderful news! So happy to hear that your parents are supporting you in this process.</p>

<p>Here is some advice:</p>

<p>1.) Once you have determined that you have found a psychologist you are comfortable working with, be completely open with the psychologist.</p>

<p>2.) Let the psychologist know that you are looking not only for testing that will lead to a diagnosis and a better understanding of your strengths and weaknesses, but that you would also like to talk about strategies that will help you cope better academically and overcome any challenges once the test battery is complete. A comprehensive testing report will include a detailed list or recommendations that will be tied to the specific finding – make sure that recommendations tied to the findings will be provided. </p>

<p>3.) Work with a psychologist who will sit down with you after the testing is complete and go over the report and what it means, explaining everything and answering your questions. This will be more informative and helpful than just getting a written report. </p>

<p>4.) Check with B.C. to see if there is a specific battery of tests they require for students to qualify to use their support office to to receive accommodations. (You don’t have to identify yourself to get this info if you don’t want to; the info might even be up on the support offices website.)</p>

<p>5.) The psychologist you see might want to use additional tests, but make sure that all of the tests your college wants to see are administered.</p>

<p>6.) Make sure that the psychologist has experience with testing and working with college students and not just younger children. It is fine to ask about how many college students the psychologist has tested and evaluated. If you would like to have the testing done near your college, the B.C. support office might be able to provide you with a list of qualified people with whom they’ve worked successfully.</p>

<p>7.) Consider whether you want to give the psychologist a release to talk with the psychiatrist you saw during high school. (This is your call; the psychiatrist cannot release info without your permission.) If you feel that the psychiatrist understood you and was helpful, he or she might well have helpful info for the testing psychologist.</p>

7

<p>Hi everyone!</p>

<p>I spoke with a psychologist, and I have some updates to share.</p>

<p>After I explained all my issues to the psychologist, she explained that my condition is most likely OCD. She was very nice about the whole process and spoke about someone else about my age facing very similar issues who came to her for help. As with this other person, she referred me to a specialist in OCD treatment.</p>

<p>My current “irrational fear/obsession” (I know, how ironic) is that BC might not recognize the OCD as a legitimate reason for my hardships. But in real life, they and others will understand that OCD has messed up my life in many ways, academically and otherwise, right? </p>

<p>I do understand that OCD can be comorbid with other conditions.</p>

<ul>
<li>Soarer</li>
</ul>

8

<p>Haven’t started CBT yet, unfortunately.</p>

<p>Things aren’t that great. I’m really depressed right now - I’m taking a summer class, and I still can’t seem to do well in it - despite it being literally the ONLY thing I have to worry about. (Yes, it’s a retake of a class I got a D in.)</p>

<p>I LOVE my parents, but it’s hard to convince them that something is seriously wrong.</p>

<p>“Study harder! Put more time into it!” is what they continue to say. How do I heck do I make this work for me?</p>

<p>I don’t even know if the “learning disability” of OCD, etc. (haven’t had the comorbid conditions - NVLD, AS? - officially diagnosed yet, but oh yes, they are haunting me) will be recognized by the “learning support” office.</p>

<p>Once again, I love my parents, but it’s hard to get them to take things seriously.</p>

<p>Anyone?</p>

<ul>
<li>Soarer</li>
</ul>

9

<p>Pop by the public library, and pick up anything by Oliver Sacks [List</a> of Publications | Oliver Sacks, M.D., Physician, Author, Neurologist](<a href=“http://www.oliversacks.com/about-the-author/list-of-publications/]List”>http://www.oliversacks.com/about-the-author/list-of-publications/) Great stuff by a wonderful writer who is a neurologist. At least one of his books touches on OCD, I think it is “The man who mistook his wife for a hat”, but I might be wrong about that. All of these books are reasonably easy reads, and will help you understand just how strange and wonderful the human mind can be.</p>

10

<p>In my 07-28-2011, 09:25 PM post, I was in a bad mood. Please ignore the part that says “I still can’t seem to do well in it”. I am actually doing quite well in this summer class, thank goodness!</p>

<p>It helps to have only one commitment with such a hard course. Knock on wood, this is allowing me to understand the material MUCH, MUCH better.</p>

<p>The only problem is that I am stuck in “purgatory” with this grade. The first time I took the course, I got a D (obviously near-failing). However, my college does not officially replace the grade unless it is actually an F. So it would have been better for me if I had gotten an F! Any ideas on who I can approach and what to tell them?</p>

<p>(Otherwise, the second time shows up as “enrichment credit”.)</p>

<p>Also, will graduate schools acknowledge that I did MUCH better the second time? I mean, if I took the class, both grades will show on the transcript - will they look positively on this?</p>

<p>@ happymomof1 Thanks for the book recommendation - I will check that out.</p>