<p>*'Their' should be in the place of 'your'.</p>
<p>Why do your pressure your son(s) or daughter(s) (or non-biological children)?</p>
<p>Could you be a little more specific? Pressure them to do what?..</p>
<p>-get good grades?
-apply to schools they don’t want to apply to?
-aim high, set goals?
-choose certain career paths?
-get their applications in on time?
-take more challenging classes?
-be the ‘best’?
-clean their room?
-participate in life-enriching EC activities?</p>
<p>There’s a wide variety of things you can try to pressure your kids to do AND there is very subtle pressure (so subtle that the presser isn’t even aware of doing it) and outright pressure.</p>
<p>I pressure my kids because to not would say I could care less. But pressure is a relative term because most of the time I just encourage and open the door, I don’t literally shove them thru it kicking and screaming. I think there is a big difference to keep pushing a kid to do something once they’ve burned ou than to recognize that they tried something and it doesn’t fit or it no longer fits and move them along. But to let them quit at every turn or not care if they explore their potential or not is kind of bad parenting in my book.</p>
<p>Because if I don’t then they just keep leaving their dirty socks in front of the t.v.</p>
<p>Korg, I don’t have time to look, but I suspect you are not a parent as pressure is a term that kids would use to describe normal parenting. I parent and exert influence as necessary to raise responsible, self sufficient kids LOL.</p>
<p>Do you mean how much pressure do we apply to certain things? Be more specific.</p>
<p>I have pressured my kids about some things but not others.</p>
<p>I think this is necessary because children tend to think primarily about short-term consequences (what will happen within the next few hours). Adolescents, in my experience , can also think to some extent about medium-term consequences (what will happen within the next few days or weeks), but this is less natural to them than short-term thinking. Truly long-term thinking (what will happen within the next few months or years) is unnatural for children and teenagers; it’s even hard for adults. Yet, to make good decisions, people need to think in all of these time frames. </p>
<p>When kids are called upon to do things that require them to think in time frames that are unnatural for them (e.g., an 8-year-old with a school project that is to be completed over several weeks, a ninth grader who does not truly understand that his freshman year academic performance will have lasting consequences), I think it is reasonable for parents to step in.</p>
<p>Posts like this make cause me to lament the casual use of words that are viewed as negative: pressure, abuse, controlling, etc.</p>
<p>“My boyfriend ‘abused’ me” could mean incessant comments that drive someone to bulimia or that he commented on a pair of ugly shoes.</p>
<p>“That mother ‘pressures’ her daughter” could mean that she forces her child to play the violin, swim fast enough to make the varsity, and take the SAT 6 times to ensure the last 10 points, or it could mean that she forces her child to do her homework or join a single club.</p>
<p>“The suspect in the Yale murder was a ‘control freak’” could mean that he was a violent, screaming lunatic when someone didn’t dry an instrument or it could mean that the Ph.D. students were ticked off that he insisted that they not let the mice run around the lunchroom.</p>
<p>We’re very casual with terms that can be viewed as derisive. To be clear, I’m not acting as an apologist for the truly abusive, the nutcases who drive their children to despair, or the power hungry rule enforcers; I simply decry the lumping of all forms of motivation as “pressure”, all forms of criticism as “abuse”, or all forms of order as “controlling”. Motivation, criticism, and order are all necessary to success and no parent should have to apologize for using them in moderation.</p>
<p>Korg is, indeed, a student, not a parent.</p>
<p>Korg, have you talked to your parents about the type of pressure you are feeling? Do you feel like they are ‘pressuring’ you to go to a certain type of school that you don’t have any interest in? Or do you feel like you will disappoint them if you don’t get into a certain school?</p>
<p>Even if you don’t think they will listen, sharing your feelings (in a non-confrontation way - use lots of “I” statements) will be good for you and may be an ‘eye-opener’ for them. Sometimes parents don’t realize the amount of subtle pressure they put on their kids. ALL seniors are feeling a lot pressure and stress from a variety of sources. You are competing with every other college-bound senior in the country. You are being forced to make decisions about where you will live and go to school almost a year in advance. You will be leaving your friends and family to live among people you have never met. As Marian described - it’s hard for most young people to see very far into the future. Change is hard for anyone and very stressful. I hope you will go to your parents or a trusted teacher or GC and share your feelings. Good luck.</p>
<p>Korg, you need to be more specific about exactly what kind of pressure. Some pressures are reasonable and some are not.</p>
<p>
Yes, that’s most of Marian’s post but I thought it bore repeating.</p>
<p>D probably felt pressured about test prep. Hates standardized testing, philosophically opposed to test prep…and I actually agree but was not about to engage in unilateral disarmament, one plays by the rules of the game as they are, not the rules we wish might be. Anyway, pressured or no, if nothing else the test prep paid off with scores that yielded some nice merit aid and a paid research position as a first-year. As it happens, I don’t think the test prep altered the profile of the schools she was admitted to despite going from 1400 to 1580.</p>
<p>For myself, I felt <em>extremely</em> fortunate that I was able to go to college fully paid; it was an opportunity I know my mother would have wanted to have, but finances precluded. I have worked extremely hard, as has my spouse, to ensure that our children will have opportunities. For them not to take advantage of them would really grate, when so many deserving kids would love to have the opps and advantages they have.</p>
<p>Because I wanted the dishwasher to be emptied.</p>
<p>LOLs on the dishwasher comment.</p>
<p>I only pressure them to complete things THEY chose in the first place and to show their best effort.</p>
<p>I would never pressure them to make straight As, run a 4 minute mile or get art awards.</p>
<p>“Sometimes parents don’t realize the amount of subtle pressure they put on their kids. ALL seniors are feeling a lot pressure and stress from a variety of sources.”</p>
<p>^So true. Pressure sure can take many many forms. It’s not always overt. And it’s the perception of the student experiencing it that matters- what is pressure for one isnt’ necessarily so for another.</p>
<p>Because wet towels left on hardwood floors have “consequences.”</p>
<p>Because leaving the light on in the car all night can mean the car won’t start in the morning :(</p>
<p>Oh wait, was that pressure or nag?</p>
<p>This question really has me thinking. I’ve starting typing a response three time now, but my answer keeps evolving, so I keep starting over. Guess I’ll just go and think a while. Thanks for starting a stimulating topic, Korg.</p>
<p>Because I think she’ll be a happier if she keeps her merit scholarships and can avoid taking out loans to replace them.</p>
<p>So she can learn it is better to do her class readings than go to a mid-week Final Club party.</p>
<p>So they’re in the position to support us in our old age.</p>
<p>^^ Heck, I would just be happy for them to get into a position where they can support themselves!</p>