Hello fellow CC members. Can anyone please grade my TOEFL independent writing.(Timed)
Prompt: Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better?
People are social creatures. We live in families which are the building blocks of the society. Due to the fact that human growth and development are slowest among mammals, humans have to live with their parents until they finish going through adolescence. Whether to stay with or leave your parents after this stage is an important decision for many people. I believe that people should depart their parents as soon as they reach adulhood.
First reason that young adults should leave their parents as soon as possible is that parents invest lots of energy and money to look after their offspring. Our mothers bear us in their uterus for whole 9 months, longer than most other animals. Also, parents are required by the law to feed us. clothe us, educate us and protect us until their children reach adulthood. After staying 18 years under your parents protection and still wanting to lengthen one's dependence on them would be a very big burden for them.
'We won't learn until we try' is the basis of my second reason. As long as we stay with our parents, we will never learn the true nature of life. Only by leaving our parents, we will encounter with problems that our parents solved for us and will become independent, valuable, model citizens of our society. My cousin, Joe was a videogame addict. He wasted all his high school playing DOTA and was unable to get into a decent university. Because his parents indulged him in his adolescence they decided to leave him. Alone and having no one to turn to, he learned the very essence of life and realized his mistakes. He began to look for work and even though he had no college degree, he made his way through the professional hierarchy, Today, he works as a manager at the one of the biggest bank and has his own house and family.
Third reason that people should leave their parents as they finish puberty is that some children get bored of their parents in their young adulthood. They view their parents as old school, annoying or criticizing. My friend, Bob's mom was a 'trophy mom'. Whenver he made mistakes, his mother criticized him bitterly as if he wasn't her son. She may have wanted what was best for Bob but the pressure was too much for him. Stressed and depressed, Bobby couldn't take it anymore. He left for college and rarely wrties to his mother.
All in all, young adults should leave their parents as soon as possible. By leaving our parents we will free them of their parental duties and will face the problems of real life. And some may not hear their old school parents yelling and criticization.