<p>We lived in New England and my DS only looked at schools in other regions of the country - with our blessing. He ultimately chose a school in the northwest - about as far away as you can get. This is a kiddo who did not fly on his own at the time, is a natural introvert, and has had some significant medical issues. Letting him go was one of the toughest and best things we have done. The young man we now see coming off the plane by himself is confident and secure; had we insisted he stay near I think it would have only done him a disservice.</p>
<p>If procrastination and disorganization are the issues, how the heck is going to ISU going to be any easier than going to Elon!!!</p>
<p>These just aren’t issues that are solved by living closer to home. So, I suspect that this is just about mommy wanting kiddo to be closer.</p>
<p>If it’s money, the issue should have been raised a long time ago.</p>
<p>Let her go.</p>
<p>I hope you choose to let her go to Elon, but if not perhaps she could go to a CC and then look for small liberal arts schools closer to home such as Beloit and Knox and go the next year. Unless you have a really good reason though it would be a mistake to force her to attend a school she doesn’t want to go to. Have you both visited Elon? Maybe visiting would help you feel more comfortable with the support she would get there.</p>
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<p>Do me a favor. Google “executive function disorder” just to rule that out. Because if she does have executive function problems, any school but one to which she commutes may be too far away.</p>
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<p>Does she want to teach in Illinois? I think it’s a good idea to go to college in the state in which you want to teach, if the goal is to get a public school teacher’s certificate.</p>
<p>Sometimes people just have to break the shackles, get away, and try new things. One can’t live afraid!</p>
<p>I think missypie makes two very important points - very true that if she wants to teach in Illinois she is better off getting her degree in Illinois, but then I wonder about ISU over other Illinois schools with good education departments. I know in our district, at least, there are more cutbacks than new hiring so perhaps other states are better for teaching jobs?
It does seem wise to rule out executive function disorder too but just being disorganized won’t be any different in the state or out of it - or even on the other side of the world! We allowed a very disorganized D to go to China - never had a problem - the problem was all me and me letting go of my fears.
One thing about sending your ‘kid’ off to college is that is feels emotionally like you are letting a small child leave but really they are emerging adults.</p>
<p>“Illinois State and Elon are worlds apart, and while I think there are plenty of kids who will bloom where they are planted, ISU may not be the school for a student who is drawn to Elon.”</p>
<p>This is what I was thinking. Did she apply to Knox, Augustana, even Illinois Wesleyan (across town from ISU)?</p>
<p>If you are absolutely refusing to let her go out of state, I encourage a gap year. The schools that Hanna mentioned would all have that feel, as would Northcentral. Bradley and Millikin would be contenders as well. she could do something worthwhile for a year, keep her freshman status if merit aid is necessary and still be able to find a good fit. </p>
<p>I am not knocking ISU, but there are great small colleges in Illinois that would fit your criteria. The number jumps if you add Wisconsin, Michigan and Indiana to the mix.</p>
<p>But why take a gap year? Have the kid’s gap year be at Elon, and see if she likes living out of state. If it doesn’t work out she can transfer.</p>
<p>^Redpoint, I only bring up a gap year if money is a concern. Transfer students don’t tend to get aid and going into great debt doesn’t make sense for a future teacher. If parents are full-pay, it wouldn’t be an issue.</p>
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<p>You would be surprised how small the world really is now. Elon isn’t in Timbuktu. Between cell phones, skype, IM on the computer, and email, you won’t lose touch with your daughter.</p>
<p>True story…one of my kids went to college a two hour drive away. The other went 3000 miles away. The one who went 3000 miles away came home for more days per year than the one 110 miles away.</p>
<p>You told your daughter she could apply to these two very nice schools in the southeast. It sounds to ME like you are now reluctant to see her go that far…my opinion…it’s time to let go a bit. Let her go where you ALLOWED her to apply.</p>
<p>Have a detailed talk with her about what she will do if Elon does not work out - will she transfer to the CC? I can tell you that a near neighbor is getting her teaching degree at SIUC because though an ISU student she could not transfer into teaching there.</p>
<p>I disagree. You don’t go into a marriage with a plan B, “what if this doesn’t work out . .” you go in with a positive attitude that she can do it and that it will work out. There are plenty of places in Illinois where she can get a teaching degree, if that’s what she wants, if you have to change course later.</p>
<p>I feel like I want to hear more from the OP. Do you feel it is ok to say no to our daughter about Elon at this time? Is this about our fears holding your daughter back, or do you have some really good reason you haven’t disclosed?</p>
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and what about attending ISU is better for these concerns than attending Elron? </p>
<p>If there is a student or family issue that would drive multiple trips home (medical issue or sibling at home with issues) I get the close to home argument. Otherwise if the kid is comfortable trying a school far away I truly do not get the parent argument against. Planning 4 years residence around the possibility of an unlikely emergency trip or the tougher logistics of the beginning and end of the year trips isn’t a big enough reason to chop off our kids desires in our house.</p>
<p>In 4 years I believe I went home twice other than regular vacations (and I didn’t go home fro all of those) … and the one emergency in those 4 years occurred in the middle of finals so I couldn’t go home anyways … I do not see how my being 6-7 hours away instead of 1-2 hurt my college experience … however attending my first choice school certainly was a great experience.</p>
<p>Hunt: your post cracked me up…checking in with one of the kids you described…</p>
<p>Is Dr. Phil in the house? Family intervention needed if this is being hashed out on the Internet…</p>
<p>OP, I know this is hard for you. S2 just chose a college 12 hours away and I am now getting a little sad and nervous about the distance. However, I did let him apply, and it ultimately is his choice (this choice, however, was dependent on whether the school was affordable.) I am a parent of another child who as a freshman was diagnosed with a chronic illness and has had to go to the hospital while in school so I do know the pitfalls of being a plane distance away from my child. However, this is not stopping us from letting S2 go to school in another state. S2 is also a procrastinator and sometimes makes the wrong decisions, but whether they are 1 hour away or 12 I don’t think distance will make a difference. A family friend was 15 minutes away and made some wrong choices. If the school she chooses is affordable, has a good reputation for her major, and is a good fit for her, let her go.</p>
<p>OP- Is your husband by chance a chiropractor?</p>
<p>Yes he is a chiropractor. why? That is weird.</p>
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<p>Good point, 3togo. I went to college back in the 80’s and the college that I went to was only about 3 hours away from home. I could count on one hand the number of times over my 4 years there that I went home for just a typical weekend. Outside of breaks, I rarely went home at all. My college had a Fall break in October (4 day weekend), a 4 day weekend during Thanksgiving, 3 weeks at Christmas (I would only get 2 though due to rush for my sorority), and 1 week at Spring break. My parents only came down to visit me a couple times of year, too. My Freshman and Sophomore years they drove me down to college at the beginning of the year and back home at the end of the year. My Junior and Senior year I had a car, so I did this myself. During the school year they would come down once for a football game during parent’s weekend in the Fall and come up for the weekend once in the Spring for Mother’s weekend. That is all. I really don’t think I would have had the time to go home for more weekends, or have my parents come up to visit me, because I was so busy w/coursework for my classes and for other obligations that I had for my sorority and other clubs and activities that I was involved in.</p>
<p>Because he is also soliciting the wise counsel of cc’ers! <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1320974-wife-doesnt-want-daughter-go-away.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1320974-wife-doesnt-want-daughter-go-away.html</a></p>