<p>I ended up being much more involved in the whole application process than I ever thought I would be! I have a very bright, independent, responsible D but this is SO important that I just had to butt in! Things that she would never have thought about - like when to send SAT, ACT scores. And she showed me her apps before filing and I found SO many little errors. Plus she has never wriitten a resume so had to work with her on the activity summary, etc. And just suggestions about better ways to word some answers to questions. Never mind proofreading the essay AFTER she did and still finding errors..</p>
<p>Now I am so nervous because I feel like if she gets rejected I am partlly to blame! Of course her grades and her scores are all her own!</p>
<p>Be honest - how much did YOU help and are you nervous now?</p>
<p>Your daughter will thank you in the coming months when she receives her first acceptance. :)</p>
<p>It sounds as though you guided her through the process. You found the right balance between helping and taking over. You nudged a little. You were a second set of eyes to read through her essay. You showed her how to create a resume. Good job.</p>
<p>If she gets rejected from a school, try not to take it personally. Most acceptances/rejections are based on GPA, SAT/ACT scores, rigor of curriculum, and teacher recommendations and these components are out of your hands. </p>
<p>I think you’re perfectly normal (because I did almost exactly what you did!) I was most involved with my oldest, to the point that after his May 1 decision, I felt I had to apologize to my friends and family for bringing up college issues so often. It’s a difficult process which has changed a lot in the last 20 years, and you do feel some responsibility no matter how involved you are. You raised them, after all…</p>
<p>Be realistic about choices, especially the financial decisions, and be accepting of who your child truly is. A great fit is the most important element; it makes nearly everything else easier.</p>
<p>I think it’s fine to proofread your daughter’s essay and oversee her resume. It’s true, not every student has a parent who wants to help, but don’t let that stop you from giving the help that your DD needs. Sometimes kids ask teachers to proofread, sometimes they ask their friends or GC for guidelines about things like resumes.</p>
<p>This, of course, has to start and end with her own voice, but checking punctuation, grammar, and spelling takes an objective eye. Since you already have created your own resumes, helping your daughter with hers is fine (in my book). Fact is, these are her experiences and activities that she’s writing about and that’s the part that makes the difference. If it looks a little more organized or describes something more elaborated, which is your part, then that’s not over-doing it. IMO, the line is crossed when you start initiating these things or writing the whole bit.</p>
<p>ETA: don’t blame yourself if your daughter doesn’t get in somewhere. I know this is a stressful time for you both, but the best help you can give her is a good handle on her list.</p>
<p>mum, you don’t sound too involved in the process. You helped appropriately. But once the apps have gone out, please let go, step back, and be the steady one for the possible emotional ups and downs to come.</p>
<p>I think you are fine. You only need to worry if you use “we”…like “we applied to xyz college” or “we got the apps submitted” or “we got the essays written” or “we” in any way! If that happens then you need to step away from the kid! Most everyone helps the kids in some way or another and they all get in or don’t get in on their own merit, not your essay editing or organizational skills.</p>
<p>I’m assuming your have a student in the class of 2011? Please come join the parent group on this forum. You will find your are not alone. There are parents from all walks of life whose students span the academic spectrum, and have goals that are very different. Some are really on the ball, some are just starting to get to essays with quite a bit of parental nudging. It’s all over the map. What you will find are parents who are going through much of the same anxiety, sometimes frustration, and a good deal of support.</p>
<p>I was very involved with my first. He didn’t want to visit schools that had a 10% prob of acceptance, but he was partially homeschooled and so I had to work work with him on how to explain his record. Plus, as a really gifted kid with learning disabilities, the clerical tasks of assembling many applications with many supplements due to the homeschooling outweighed the difficulty for him of writing the essays, which generally were very strong.</p>
<p>With kid number two, it’s easy. She decided to apply to a couple of rolling admission schools that she’s likely to get into. One application is in. The other one should, fingers crossed, be completed this weekend. Then, only more applications if she doesn’t get in to those two. So, I’m still involved in helping her manage the details, but I’m not so nervous.</p>
<p>Hopefully your D took to heart “love thy safety” – there should be a school on her list that is a terrific choice but doesn’t have an acceptance rate of .00001 % (or whatever ridiculous number is in vogue). A quality choice that will accept who she is right now (great but not perfect) can help leaven the whole loaf. A solid plan with a likely acceptance puts a backstop on the amount of misery the other places can heap on a teen. </p>
<p>DS#1 (now a college freshman) applied to 9 schools - so I assisted him with 9 separate applications, various honors college applications, and a multitude of essays. It was intense - but he got into all the schools, made a great final decision, and is very happy.</p>
<p>DS#2 (a HS senior) has very different priorities and interests. He has applied and been accepted to 2 schools with rolling admission (he met the auto admit requirements), and is working on the application for a third (which is not a shoe-in, but quite possible). But if he doesn’t get into the 3rd, he is perfectly happy with either of the others!!! SOOO much easier!!! :)</p>
<p>Grcxx3, in ShawSon’s case, it was 16 applications with numerous essays and supplements. Plus, because of the homeschooling part, we had to collect copies of work he did and references from homeschool instructors as well as the normal stuff from the high school. Like your DS#1, he got in to lots of places and is an excellent place for him.</p>
<p>I have helped with list of schools for both UG and Grad. My D. has asked me for second, she liked my research for list of her UG and graduating in May from program that I have found for her (college senior). I have never been nervious. Nobody is getting killed, what to be nervious about?</p>
<p>From the point of view of someone your daughter’s age…</p>
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<p>And none of these is something that a parent should be so involved with.</p>
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<p>She may or may not thank you depending on how welcomed your extensive involvement was in her application process. She would value her acceptance much, much more, understand the college admission process much better, and have the chance to know herself and mature as a person had she tried to slowly learn how to do everything herself. It may be difficult for her in the beginning, but it would feel much more satisfying at the end. </p>
<p>Please don’t be the kind of parent who is involved to the point where, come May 1 decision, you feel that you have to apologize to your friends and family for bringing up college issues so often. :o</p>
<p>While I think the opinion of a student is important and always welcomed I would offer the following:</p>
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<p>This is true with some students, not with others. If you are the type of student that is very organized, never misses a deadline, has signed up for the SAT/ACT tests on your own, successfully proofreads your work for errors, etc., then you quite possibly do not need this assistance and may very well find it overbearing. There are many students that leave the ‘executive management’ side of application to their parents. There can be a happy medium, however this often has to be instigated by the parents. A calendar, or schedule, with goals, and weekly meetings to make sure things are getting done is often something that works well for families. Having a parent proof an application is a very good idea. Errors don’t simply mean a drop in grade, they can make the difference between acceptance and rejection in a very tight application pool. It should not be seen as a sign of weakness or a invasion by the parent. If it is done properly, there are no errors, you are done. Period.</p>
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<p>While I do not disagree entirely, the idea is a happy medium. When a student doesn’t research the proper way to complete the application, therefore making errors, is a parent not supposed to point this out during review? Should the goal not be to have applications done in time to make adjustments if there are errors? It will be satisfying in the end IF the application is accepted and fairly considered. It could be heartbreaking if there are too many errors and the application is rejected.</p>
<p>I see absolutely nothing wrong with proofreading your child’s essay. It never hurts to have another pair of eyes look at an essay, and I find it easier to spot errors when it’s printed out rather than on a computer screen. I think every student should have somebody they trust look at their essay for errors.</p>
<p>I agree that a calendar or schedule of goals developed between the parents and the applicant is a great way of facilitating exchange and the proper delegation of responsibilities during the college admissions process, and, to a certain extent, that “errors don’t simply mean a drop in grade, they can make the difference between acceptance and rejection in a very tight application pool.” Yes, by proofreading your child’s application, you can create a safety net and ensure that what’s submitted is indeed a legitimate representation of your child as a person, but such safety nets will not always exist and sooner or later, your child will have to take up the “executive management” of everything in her life herself without your constant involvement. (By “you” I don’t mean to refer to you specifically.) By proactively offering to proofread her application, you deprive her of the chance to ever learn organization and management skills on her own, and she never fully gains a sense of the consequences of failing to register for the SAT/ACT on time, for instance. Perhaps the college admissions process is too important for parents to let their child experiment with responsibilities, but really, these skills should’ve been in place long ago, before the senior year of high school.</p>
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<p>Sure, there’s nothing wrong with it if it is initiated on the part of the student. But if you’re doing all the work by asking to read over your child’s essay and picking out all the mistakes, how will your child ever learn to seek out help on his own? How would he learn to avoid these mistakes for future writings if he develops the idea that someone will always be able to proofread everything and look after everything for him? How will you know that he’ll look for help and resources in college with writing and with life, when there has always been someone actively doing all of for him throughout his life?</p>
<p>Also, be aware that your child’s essay will inevitably have a distinctive tone that’s different from an adult’s writing, and over-editing can actually erase this “voice” that is so important for an admissions essay.</p>