<p>Visiting the schools is a good idea, that will help her choose the winner and say farewell to the others.</p>
<p>May 1 is a long ways away in the life of a kid, there is plenty of time for her to decide. I believe that she will rise to the occasion. We watched a difficult, six-week-long decision process last year, but the bottom line is that our son made the right decision for him and he is now blissfully happy.</p>
<p>I doubt very much that it will come to this, but IMO make it clear that you will not allow a gap year. Nothing against gap years at all, but IMO they should not be used as a way to escape making a college selection.</p>
<p>From the list of schools the OP's D applied to and the list of schools she now wishes she had applied to, it seems to me the D is a bit scared of the size of the schools and wished she had applied to smaller and more nurturing ones. This is very understandable as the D faces the reality that next year she will no longer be in the comfort zone of high school but in the bigger world of college. She is having to process that realization. By May 1, I feel that she will have done so and will feel comfortable choosing between the colleges she did apply to and will not regret having passed up the others. She does have great choices!</p>
<p>These are such thoughtful and helpful opinions. I too am now standing by while my daughter decides between U Chicago, Columbia and NYU, her top three choices all along, with a full ride from the latter and uncertain costs at the former two. She is fully aware of the potential financial challenges to both of us if she does not choose NYU. I am fully aware it is her decision in the end. She is visiting all three for overnights and wants me along, but I am only going to attend the parent events and leave her for the rest. Thankfully she is just excited right now, no tears, and I hope that quickly becomes true for your own daughter, Kwibbles.</p>
<p>Buyer's remorse doesn't end with the college selection. Almost all kids believe for the first few weeks of freshman year that they made a terrible decision. D spent the first 6 weeks at Harvard thinking she should have chosen Swarthmore. Now she wouldn't change for anything.</p>
<p>At least she can cry it out. My son internalized all the stress and ended up needing Nexium for his ailments. It's a tough time of year.</p>
<p>Really, you need to stop discussing for a while. Do the visits, but keep a focus on something other than than "the decision" - take concert or shopping breaks and agree to not discuss college. </p>
<p>She has a great selection of schools, and while none is as cozy and comfortable as high school, many freshmen have crossed the hurdles and turned into happy, well-adjusted students. Most colleges have a number of programs for that difficult first year - it doesn't hurt to ask about them during your visits. </p>
<p>At Cornell, the freshmen all live on one side of campus with their own athletic center and dining halls. Two of the freshman dorms are brand new and beautiful. There are also residential houses for students with a particular interest in specific cultures, music, theatre or the environment. There is a study and counseling center in the centrally-located dorm that is open late and welcomes students for any kind of visit. All freshmen take a Writing Seminar of approximately 15 kids per class to prepare for the academic challenges of a top school. My overall impression is that they have thought about the obstacles to success that plague many first-year students and have made a distinct effort to scale down a large, complex university to a manageable size. </p>
<p>Here's an added bonus regarding size: my son entered Cornell with two classmates, one a friend and the other a person he wanted to avoid. He doesn't have to see the second person except in passing, which is fine with both of them. At a smaller school, there might have been a problem. I hope you can find similar advantages in your daughter's situation and that it comes to a happy conclusion. Good luck!</p>
<p>Yet another "do not decide for her" opinion.</p>
<p>Let her talk. Ask framing questions that may help her decide. Questions like "what do you see at X/Y/X that you don't see at ABC?" may be illuminating. There may be "real" criteria, in which case, finding which of the available choices is the best fit may be in order, or it just may be a sign of displaced anxiety.</p>
<p>Barnard at least offers the "small college in the context of a big college" is smaller is what she's decided she really wants. Chicago is Reed-like in some aspects of its academic feel and student body. Etc.</p>
<p>The OP's daughter got into a great set of schools, a list that many students would kill for.</p>
<p>I appreciate this thread as 3 out of 4 family members (my 13 yo doesn't see what the big deal is) are constantly thinking about this as of last Friday when we heard from the final college. I don't think any of us can stop thinking about it, but perhaps not speaking about it will help everyone. </p>
<p>6 applications, 6 acceptances. 1 full ride plus stipend, 1 full tuition, 2 slightly less than half the total costs, 2 highly selective privates with NO MERIT policies-full cost to us-a big deal. Unfortunately, the best financial deal is the university in the town we live in (honors program, cream of the crop programs provided for this fraction of the population that they admit to the honors college, a relatively small public university)and the thought of staying and possibly interacting with locals is the opposite of what she wants. Bowdoin and Stanford the top 2 privates. The other extreme is Stanford, an amazing opportunity educationally and a mountain of future debt. </p>
<p>{Can someone explain to this novice parent how to start a thread?}</p>
<p>With all three of my kids, (over a 15 year span) I've seen this kind of approach-avoidance situation. I think that sometimes they want us to make the decision for them so that if they don't like it later they have someone to blame. I've tried to tell them that nothing is written in stone and if they decide they don't like one school, they can always transfer. (Oldest did) We'll see what happens with the youngest.</p>
<p>rio:
To start a new thread go to the top of the page that has all the post topics listed on it and look for the button marked "New Thread." You can't do it from this page.</p>
<p>My son suffered through this decision-making process last year and didn't get around to making up his mind till April 26. I tried all the suggestions people offered last year, including weighing pros and cons, helping him sort out what was most valuable, bribing him with the offer of a car if he went to the full-merit school (only half joking about that last one.)</p>
<p>What he ran into when trying to decide is what one Swarthmore prof (Barry Schwartz) calls "The Paradox of Choice." We can become paralyzed by having too many good choices, whether it be concerning blue jeans, car seats, cans of soup, or whatever. And as so many have already noted, this is the first time our kids are faced with a Biggie to decide for themselves. </p>
<p>My son had not visited one of the colleges when he was accepted, and I am sure that the April visit made all the difference. Still, in his case, he really wasn't SURE he was happy with his choice until the beginning of the second semester of this year (freshman), I think that is when the school finally started to feel a little like "home."</p>
<p>We're in the same boat here as the original poster. Daughter has 3 good choices to pick from: University of Colorado-Boulder (Honors Program), Georgetown University, and UCLA. She's very confused at the moment because there are clear pros and cons to each.</p>
<p>Hopefully, when we travel to Los Angeles next week, it will help. That's the last campus visit to take.</p>
<p>My husband and I are trying very hard to let this be HER decision. We do not want it to be, like marepbm said , an avoidance situation where they want US to decide so if things don't work out, Mom and Dad can take the blame. And we've also let her know that she has to stick out her choice for a year, and then she can always transfer.</p>
<p>I think today was tough because it was the first day of school after Spring Break here, and most seniors had heard by the end of the weekend where they were accepted/rejected. Our daughter "freaked out" a little because some of her classmates are SO SURE of where they are going, and she's still very much in limbo. But this too shall pass.</p>
<p>Congratulations. Oberlin, Kenyon, and Reed? Maybe your daugther has a liberal bent (not that her acceptances are from Bob Jones or anything). My daughter was courted by a very good, but conservative, school and went there. She has found the faculty to be liberal and she and some of her friends like being in the political minority among students because they feel that they are in a position to change the opinions of others.</p>
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<p>because some of her classmates are SO SURE of where they are going<<</p>
</blockquote>
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<p>This will not end with the college decision. Wait till the "Everyone knows what they want to major in. . ." and "Everyone knows what they want to do with the rest of their lives. . ." angst.</p>
<p>Isn't that the truth, Elle. Two years after D's graduation, "everyone knows what kind of grad school they want to go to..." and, most scarily, "everyone's in a long term relationship heading for marriage...."</p>
<p>What wonderful schools! I do understand the idea of being paralyzed by choice though, things can feel overwhelming when so much is offered up. My DD has always suffered from this, even shopping for clothes is a chore and she will come home empty handed more often than not. </p>
<p>When it came time for college she wasn't exactly excited by the prospect so the apps went out to state schools only (she isn't an overacheiver..lol). With her acceptances in hand we went to visit each campus and she just picked the one she felt most comfortable at. </p>
<p>I think the high achievers have a more difficult time because they do then to over think and over analyze things instead of just going somewhere because they like the campus or the atmosphere. And it's hard saying no the top tier schools knowing so many people would love to go there...it can almost make you feel guilty.</p>
<p>"I think the high achievers have a more difficult time because they do then to over think and over analyze things instead of just going somewhere because they like the campus or the atmosphere."</p>
<p>first off, congrats on such nice choices!
the biggest thing to remember is that this decision is hardly permanent. if your daughter picks a place, tries it out, and hates it, she can always transfer. if she picks the best of her options and goes into it with the idea that she'll work hard (both academically and socially) and re-evaluate how she feels about the school after a semester, so she can apply for transfers if needed, then decide whether she wants to leave at the end of first year, she might not feel so trapped.</p>
<p>also, one way i remember a friend deciding about colleges was she allocated a couple days to each school. on that school's days, she acted like she was going to go to that school--telling people who asked that that's where she was leaning, investigating extracurriculars there, etc. At the end of it, she decided which days made her most excited about college and went to that one.</p>
<p>kwibbles: My d came home monday and said that "everybody" was really tense at school. All facing hard choices, some disappointment, and lots of uncertainty. As my d complained, "I've got three weeks to decide what I'm going to do for the next 5 years of my life!" (5. for her, as she is considering a gap year to pursue other interests and asking for a deferral from her top pick, whatever that will be!). She is mildly rattled, but as she said, "I handle pressure really well." Some of her friends, on the other hand, are working themselves into a tizzy. So I believe your girl is in good company.</p>
<p>I do think it's best to take the lead from your child. Tho I tend to obsess (I'm sure I'm the only one here), I try to let her bring up the discussion if she wants to discuss college choices. Otherwise, I try to talk about lots of other things (and to siblings), so as not to beat the college topic to death. I don't want her to think it's all I'm thinking about these days, what with gas prices and the war in Iraq and immigrant labor law reform and all. When we travel to her top 3 choices later this month, I will handle things very differently from our initial visits. Rather than participating in the tours with questions and observations of my own, I plan to leave her on campus with the accepted students groups at least for part of the day, and encourage her to plan a visit to departments and professors that interest her. I, on the other hand will go to Starbucks and read the paper. We also have overnights planned at two of the three. I think that a day or two on campus will help her to narrow down the choices based on comfort level and feel. All are great academic (and social) choices; she can't really make a bad choice. Will it come down to location? social life? major dept? the daffodils in bloom? Either way, I believe her choice will reveal itself (even if I'd have picked a different one for her) and will be right. Or if it's not right, we can do this again in a year or two! </p>
<p>Fortunately, we leave tomorrow for a family vacation, and she can mull over "the next five years of her life" while laying on the beach wiggling her toes in the sand. I'm hoping that the quiet time away will help her clear her mind, reward her for her hard work, and provide quality family time with her siblings and parents before she embarks on this next phase of her life. As for me, I'm thinking a rum punch!</p>