<p>I finished my first draft and showed it to my English teacher. Her only comment was the essay is too personal for her comfort :(</p>
<p>Can an essay ever be too personal? </p>
<p>Anyway, my essay is about how I thought my father hated me because of gender bias and how I tried to best all the boys to prove my worth. But finally I found out that my father did not have anything against girls and was only being strict on me because he wanted me to be the best I can.</p>
<p>Yes, an essay can be too personal.</p>
<p>What you describe, though, does not strike me as too personal.</p>
<p>If it provides a revealing look into who you who and as long as it is appropriately done, then I don't see how it can be too personal.</p>
<p>I went to length to describe how my father treated me "badly" and made extensive comparison between him and other fathers to show my disappointment and despair. My teacher said it sounds rather whining...</p>
<p>Well, admissions officers don't like to read about people whining excessively.
Maybe cut down on the description a little?</p>
<p>Hmm. I see. Thank you!</p>
<p>That's different. Perhaps it is whiny; if you agree with your teacher then change the essay but imo don't jettison it over that one comment.</p>
<p>"Extensive comparisons with other fathers" makes it sound as if the focus of the essay has gotten off of you a little bit. You are the subject of every essay!</p>
<p>Have you had other people besides your teacher read it? Different people have different reactions and opinions. Let some other people read and see what they think about it first.</p>
<p>I have let some friends read it as well. They didn't feel it is too personal but they agree that I have focused too much on telling the story, and there's too little reflection how that has changed me. I'm editing that part. </p>
<p>I'm wondering if I should change the tone a little bit so that it sound less intimate and personal.</p>