<p>Well, i have a problem now, my sats are low for the u's that i would like to apply..so now my essay and recs are my last salvation. I have several essays in my mind, i like this one the most, but i think is too risky. Tell me your thoughts please-----------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>To respond to the questions that you, admission staff, seem to ask directly or indirectly, a depiction of my feelings during this application process seems to be the most adequate answer. You asked for honesty and openness , you said that you wanted to get to know the person behind the numbers, see its passions, its achievements, its value. Well here it is, as open and direct as I can be. </p>
<p>My first mistake in the admission process was underestimating American education. In Venezuela the high schools in the United States are famous for their mediocrity, so I did a simple equation: Good student in Venezuela, great student in America. Quite simple. But wrong- As all conclusions coming from stereotypes-I already had a bad start. The problem is that Ive always overlooked the difficulties of the things that I decide to do, not because I have a high opinion of my abilities- Actually I think that Im a quite untalented person- but because nothing that Ive ever done has required an enormous effort from my part. Ive never cared too much about standing out, being the best, achieving excellency. In school nothing passioned me. I could get decent grades without working too hard. Classes were uninteresting, with a low quality when It came to subjects like literature or history, the programs werent good. Not only that, teachers were mediocre, our history teacher wasnt able to say what was the difference between political left and right, and the geography one would talk more about his son in Brunei than the definition of PNB, and that happened in one of the top level schools in Caracas. I felt indignated, outragaed, I acted as a little prat/rebel-with a cause-but-not-a-good-one. Therefore, I studied by my own account, I made my own investigations about the subjects I liked and so, I builded my own little intellectual world. I went to forums, I discussed with my dad about arts, philosophy, politics, but I never felt encouraged enough to open a book simply for the satisfaction of receiving a gold medal at the end of the year. Silver ones were ok. But then I came to France, and everything was different. Classes were amazing, teachers were of an extraordinary quality. I learned in that year in France more than I learned in all my years in Venezuela. I worked like a maniac, obsessively, I wanted to squeeze the juice out of every lesson, I stalked teachers to ask them questions I think that they kind of hated me at the end- I was finally challenged and motivated. I started to caress the idea of going to the United States. I couldnt go back to a Venezuela where education is going from bad to worst, where theatre, arts, ideas are in the ground because everybody is worrying about how to refine oil Not that I have anything against oil refinement- At the same time I began to prepare this application, and there I realize that I had made a second mistake, a big one: Not to think about the future. As time passed I got more and more depressed because I saw that I didnt have the level of excellency that universities like this one demanded, and I kept saying to myself: If I only had work I little bit harder So the dream, yes because its a dream, of coming here, of surrounding myself with people who have the same interests, the same wish of learning, the dream of coming to a world of intellectuals, where I could learn, discuss, compare my opinions, the dream of learning about Japanese culture and Biology at the same time shattered. I decided to try anyway Here youre reading this paper- Because I didnt risked anything, well deception, but one can overcome it, but that itchy feeling, that intrigue, the What if.. That would have been hard to forget.</p>
<p>What I want to say with this dull story about my admission process is that Im not probably what you're looking for. Ive never been hard working, in the top ten per cent of my class, I never seeked excellency for excellencys sake, I just simply studied when I felt like it, when the subjects were interesting and the teachers were good, Im a complete mess when it comes to order, efficiency, precision. Im always in the clouds, thinking, I have concentration problems, Im a complete crippled when it comes to practical matters. I have no awards, no great achievements There are a lot of things that Im proud off but they are more life achievements than academicals ones- No impressing SAT scores, or Extra-curricular activities. Talent? People say that Im smart and cultivated, I disagree with them. I think that if Im incapable of taking this supposed intelligence to create something concrete, to be a great writer, musician, student, this supposed talent is worthless. There are no leadership qualities either. In fact Im very shy and insecure, Im not a sheep that follows the cattle, but Im not a courageous leader. I tremble when I speak in public, I even cry before any oboe recitals, I have stage not fright, panic.</p>
<p>So at the end whats left? Why in the world Ive spend a whole essay pointing out all my flaws? And why in the world would you want a weak, untalented, everyday student in your university? Well I think that you said something about passion. But how should I portrait that passion? How do you pretend that applicants show there passion in a 700 words essay? Passion, I think, is not something that you can stick into a sheet, what would set me apart, what would make me worthy of being here is my passion, but how do I show you that Im in love with learning? How do I prove you that this is not a well-thought strategy to manipulate you? I LOVE TO LEARN. There it is, does it work? I dont think so. Few things in this application form show my feelings about knowledge. Its a shame for me. I threw to the wastebasket my chances of going to the bubble that you call university, a bubble that would have made me so happy. But theres a last shot, theres a hope ill make one last effort. </p>
<p>I dont think that I can bring anything new, special or exciting to your campus, but what I can say is that what I feel when Im in Madame De Borvilles philosophy class, a sort of inner pression, a feverish desire to talk, to create, to argue, the feelings when Im in a model of the United Nations or in a history class reviving the pass, understanding humans and their behaviour, the evolution of the world, or simply when I read Baudelaires Fleurs du mal , his words touching me at the most intimate level, making my chest to expand when I arrive at the end of the poem, those feelings would compensate everything. I would be willing to work, I would be willing to overcome all difficulties, all problems, to be everything you expect a student to be, not to feed my ego by being the best, by having a title of a top-class university, but simply because I would have found at last, that stimulating, marvellous world of knowledge, because I would be at last at the right place, the place where I want to be, the place that Ive always dreamed off. </p>
<p>So there it is, my last effort of giving myself some value, there they are my answers to your questions, as honest and direct as I can be. It might work, it might not if the whole being honest plan didnt work, then I would stay in Venezuela, and learn, and cultivate myself anyway since the institutions dont make the student. I would probably have a spiritual life as satisfying as the one I would have being here. If it worked, I would jump around like a maniac, smile, scream cry, then I would pack my bags and start another journey, another experience, a scary one I must say if it worked, I would think that it was a luck strike, and I would prepare myself to correspond, to thank, to be worthy.</p>