Totally screwed

Parents Forum
1

Hey CC. Not sure what I expect from this thread but I guess I just need to write my thoughts out.

I felt incredibly unsafe in my dorm because my roommates had a full on fight in our dorm. I called the police to come break it up. The police arrived too late and there was no proof. My roommates denied any such event happened to the police. Now I’m being forced to move to a different room in the same building for safety reasons.

I don’t feel safe in this circumstance either but the university can’t move me anywhere else and they won’t break my contract to move off campus. I got angry after this happened that no one believed me, so I turned over all documentation I had of the RAs and staff being unhelpful and proof of my roommates harassing me. I’m pretty sure my roommates are going to try for retaliation because I’ve done that. But I’m not sure what to do now. I’m home for winter break. I feel like I can’t show my face around campus anymore. There’s a lot of stuff I’m cutting out of my story but my family is so concerned for my safety that they want me to transfer to a different school entirely.

The school is trying to downplay things of, “Well you’re not there anymore, so what’s the problem?”

What should I be doing?

2

It seems reasonable to try to move to another building during winter break, likely there will be other moves and maybe they can accommodate you. Can your family call and discuss with the dean the fact that you feel unsafe ? Certainly if there have been outright threats (not sure what harassing means), the school is responsible to work with you to arrange a safe place to live.

Do you like this college or are you just OK with it (other than this unfortunate rooming situation).?

I think your parents will need to call a dean or equivalent and discuss the fact that you need different housing arrangements and are considering leaving the school.

Since this is a bullying type event, it is also helpful to consider your health and well-being as being very important.

Do you have any friends on campus you can talk to ?

Do you really feel threatened ?

3

OP, I’ve seen some of your other threads and it seems like there are a lot of things going on. Have you thought about, and talked to your parents about, maybe taking a break from school?

4

It seems reasonable to try to move to another building during winter break, likely there will be other moves and maybe they can accommodate you. Can your family call and discuss with the dean the fact that you feel unsafe ? Certainly if there have been outright threats (not sure what harassing means), the school is responsible to work with you to arrange a safe place to live.

I talked to the dorm office yesterday. They said it is extremely unlikely they can move me to another building since all other dorms are full and the one I’m currently in is the one that typically has the most vacancies. Plus I’d have to pay a lot more, upwards of $2,000 due to the cost in differences.

*Do you like this college or are you just OK with it (other than this unfortunate rooming situation).?

I think your parents will need to call a dean or equivalent and discuss the fact that you need different housing arrangements and are considering leaving the school.

Since this is a bullying type event, it is also helpful to consider your health and well-being as being very important*

I’m very okay with this college. And I’m a senior with only a few more classes to go (I should graduate next fall). I haven’t spoken with the Dean but I’ve spoken with the lead housing director and he said there was very little we could do since not much could be written about the police report except my testimony. I have plans to contact the Dean soon. I’m just not sure what I’m even going to ask. The disciplinary office basically didn’t believe any of my claims of harassment because, “Oh surely no normal person would’ve let it get this bad! A normal person would’ve gone straight to the police.” Well I went to the RA first because I thought that’s how you solve roommate problems you can’t solve yourself. And the RA was essentially useless each time. So after multiple attempts, I went to the dorm’s manager and things were done immediately, but for different reasons than the first time.

*Do you have any friends on campus you can talk to ?

Do you really feel threatened ? *

Hm. I don’t really feel like I have any “true” friends, but rather a bunch of people who just use me to improve their grades. I guess I feel threatened because the roommate that caused this fight has an extensive criminal record and I implicated him for the fight. As well, some of my stuff was messed with when I came back to my dorm after coming back from talking with police.

*OP, I’ve seen some of your other threads and it seems like there are a lot of things going on. Have you thought about, and talked to your parents about, maybe taking a break from school? *

I’ve taken a semester off before for mental health problems. I did that last fall.

I’m just a little stressed out lately. Thinking about what I’m going to do just makes me physically sick. I really hoped to relax after a stressful semester, but now winter break is just more constant stress, just not academic.

5

I really think you would benefit from a visit to the counseling center at your college. I think you need an impartial person to listen to your issues, and help you solve them.

6

^ Agreed

7

^^^Another vote to go to counseling center.

8

Counseling is a good start.

Have your old roommates been leaving you alone? Have they done anything more to threaten to you? Why are you stressed now?

9

I am not going to read your previous posts to try to figure out how severe your roommate issue is. I am just going to assume what you are saying here is true and how you are feeling is valid.

Yes, you probably should go see a counsel because it may help you feel better in the long term. In the mean time, your unsafe feeling needs to be resolved immediately. Your parents need to contact the school and let them know that you fear for your safety. More importantly, you are being bullied. Bullying is illegal in many states. It is also illegal under the federal law if bullying is related to sex, race, sexual orientation…etc. A federally funded school would need to take actions if someone should report such harassment.
http://www.governing.com/news/headlines/49-States-Now-Have-Anti-Bullying-Laws-Hows-that-Working-Out.html
When your parents contact the school (written or verbal) make sure they use such language because it will make the school take notice and action. Even if your claim is found to be baseless later, it is better for the school to move you to another building rather than dealing with any such allegation.
It may also be worth your while to consult a lawyer.

10

Are you saying your previous roommate was a felon? Does he/she have past charges of violence?

Naturally, if police involvement had resulted in arrests after the fight in your room, there would have been serious consequences for the combatants. For a person with a previous record, there could be even more serious consequences. And the possibility of losing financial aid, perhaps.

Is it possible to live in that dorm and have little contact with the previous roommate(s)? If not, then living off campus might be the best way to go and easier for the university to grant, apparently, than a room in a different dorm. If you talk to a counselor, that professional can help you with seeking a resolution and can, say, document your need to be off campus for mental health reasons (using mental health will help).

You may be suffering from some PTSD. I cannot tell what is happening in terms of harrassment and you may not want to say.

You are almost done- don’t let this stop you! But if you want to take a break for a semester, or do some classes online, that is an option too. Hope you can hang in there! Talk to someone!!