<p>Is anyone else having a tougher time this year than last year when they were freshmen? I know I am!</p>
<p>Last year it was total excitement and everything would be new and different. Last year, my daughter wasn't all that pleasant during the summer so there was a small element of relief as in, I won't have to constantly deal with the atttitude and curt replies to every little question I ask. Last year, I knew that it would all be so new and that freshmen orientation would quickly suck her in and she'd be making new friends all the time with tons of kids all in the same boat. Last year, it was all about the anticipation of the unknown.</p>
<p>This year is so different. This year, she's been a pleasure to have around this summer. This year, she talks to me, spends time with her younger brother and is helpful and accomodating. This year, I send her off knowing that she's going to have a much different social situation. All her close friends from last year are living in sorority houses and she's in the most isolated dorm on campus in a single room (although she does vaguely know a few people on her floor). This year, she has to eat in the student center instead of the close and close-knit satellite dining hall right next door. This year, she's going to have to make a concentrated effort to stay in touch with friends and make new ones all over again and that is not her strong suit.</p>
<p>I am so much more worried for her this year. And I'm going to miss her so much more - it just feels so much sadder and more poignant.</p>
<p>Anyone else experienced this as your sophs/jrs/srs return to school each ensuing year - that is get more and more poignant?</p>
<p>Similar experience here; D was away both summers so we didn't ee much of her after mid-June either year. But last August before freshman year we drove to school with her, went to orientation, had the fun and excitement of meeting other parents, and then vacationed for several days on the way home after we left her. This year she is on her own--driving herself wth a car loaded with a dorm room's worth of stuff, and I do feel much sadder about it than I did last year. She and her friends have been eager to get back to school and seem excited (lots of cell phone calling), which of course is great, but on the home front it does seem rather forlorn at the moment now that she has left.</p>
<p>My sophomore son was just so excited to get back to school this year, it was hard not to be excited for him. I just hope he has all of his stuff--we were more focused on our freshman who leaves in two weeks. At least their colleges are not on the exact same schedule. I need the different departure and arrivals!</p>
<p>I cry everytime my daughter (now a senior) leaves. We're about 1200 miles apart.</p>
<p>I last saw her in June (before that it was January). For the past two days she's been moving from her summer internship locale back to school (about 350 miles) and she's called every few hours with updates. That makes it nice, but still....</p>
<p>I'm not sure it's natural for families to be that far apart.</p>
<p>It will be a bit tougher for me this year to say goodbye (9 more days). As you said, Fredo, we were caught up in the excitement last year and looking forward to watching her encounter so many "firsts". She exhibited such tremendous growth when home this summer. We've had dinner together almost every night, she helps with the cooking, we talk on more of a peer level, and we shared activities. She faces several major decisions this year - declaring a major and making a commitment to study abroad among them. Those typical mom-of-a-freshman concerns have disappeared, replaced by ones on a higher plane. This, too, shall pass as it did with my older child.</p>
<p>Maybe it's just what the individual is used to, not necessarily a values decison. My family has always been scattered. My dad was in the military so we were always moving, and my siblings and I have all settled in different spots across the nation. I now live in Texas, my oldest goes to school in PA and my second leaves for MN in two weeks. Many of their friends are staying in Texas and will also receive outstanding educations without having to travel further away. Fortunately there are a variety of choices to suit each comfort level.</p>
<p>We have a bit different situation. Our son is moving into an off campus row house with 10 other students and he has been very excited about this newfound independence. Its about 3 blocks from campus and actually closer to the academic quads than most of the upperclass dorms. He and about 5 other of his housemates are going it on their own with food and cooking. Four will stay on the food plan. Because the rowhouse is quite big they will all have their own bedroom and will save in excess of $3000 combined room and board. Last weekend about 5 of them were there painting and hauling some of their big stuff in.</p>
<p>We are happy that he is excited and hope thing work out, given that 11 students are involved in this venture. They have already set up a corporate bank account to pay for rent, utilities and common purchases like their wireless network setup, each paying $250/month.</p>
<p>There is some bittersweet to this however. Because they signed a 12 month lease, our son wants to spend next summer in Troy in either a corporate internship, at the on campus small business incubator or on an undergraduate research project. If one of these options pan out, this summer may be the last time he spends any extended time at home.</p>
<p>We are happy that he is comfortable with this increasing independence and have gradually increased his freedom since high school to the point of requiring no Friday or Saturday curfews, the possibility that we may only see him sporatically from now on is a bit difficult, though he will come home for Thanksgiving and probably his interterm break(about a month, yippee).</p>
<p>Dstark -- At least we don't live in the UK. A lot -- I mean a lot -- of kids there go away to boarding school when they are in elementary school. My dad was stationed in Europe when I was younger, and the British military families didn't think anything of it. My mother said it would have killed her to see us go off to boarding school that young.</p>
<p>Same here at our house.
Last year, both parents and freshman son couldn't wait for school to begin. He wanted the freedom from us 'oppressive' parents (not really but he liked to poke fun at us) and we needed the cranky, late sleeping, mumbling young man to leave.</p>
<p>This summer, he was (and probably we are) changed. Grown up, responsible, enjoyable and happy.
He painted the exterior of our house, punched cash register at a local store, hung with us and friends, spoke nicely to his little sister.
Sure will miss THIS kid!</p>
<p>On Saturday night, we had dinner with an isolated farming community. They talked about the incredible tight knittedness of the community, especially how their children relish cross generational parties; ie dinners with gramma. Interesting, but could a voracious intellect survive the slow pace??</p>
<p>Meanwhile S1 missed his flight from Beijng to Singapore so his six day visit will be reduced to five days. I want to throttle him--and he isn't even here yet!</p>
<p>Likewise on his dorm. He wanted an (expensive) apartment but we said nothing doing. First you have to demonstrate you are ready; ie catch your bloody flights on time. He's in a triple in a so-so dorm with one friend and one non-friend--who turned out to be a gay activist. </p>
<p>His apartment request started up again but he'll have to work out a transfer with the housing office. On his own. </p>
<p>I have my concerns, but those concerns have a comical side. He'll learn to manage.</p>
<p>Not being his parent, I have a chuckle at your S's misadventures. The important thing, though, is that he has made it so far unscathed, despite not being picked up an airport (or was it another S), losing his credit card, missing his plane and all sorts of things in-between. As you say, he'll learn to manage.</p>
<p>Tell me about it. We were driving home from dropping off our S who is a junior 900 miles away and my husband said, "This is supposed to get easier, but it isn't for me." We were also anxious to get him out of the house as a brooding freshman, and excited for him and his new adventures. Now he's more pleasant to have around, but he's also maturing and it doesn't feel like he should be living at home either. I think the distance makes it hard because he only comes home for winter break.</p>
<p>We are also sending off a freshman in a couple of weeks. I think the thought of two of them gone is making the whole thing harder for me. S2 will be a mere 300 miles away, so it feels like he'll be closer. </p>
<p>We're excited for S2, but we also know that college is not nirvana and kids will experience growing pains and have their ups and downs.</p>
<p>Well, I took her to school today (it's only an hour and 15 mins away) and I cried the whole way there and the whole way back. I've been crying off and on all night. I NEVER in a million years expected this. I'm so nervous for her this year. I'm already checking her away message to see if she's got something fun to do tonight and feeling really bad that all she seems to be doing is taking a shower and hanging out in her room. </p>
<p>I know this is compounded by the fact that my husband and I are divorcing and she's been the sole bright spot in my life right now so that means I miss her even more. I still have a jr. son at home but right now I'm just the bad cop mom who gets all the sullen attitude. </p>
<p>I know it will pass but right now my heart is just aching because I miss her so much and I'm so worried. It feels like I'm worrying a hundred times more than last year - in the freshmen world, it's so easy to make a ton of new friends because everyone's trying to do that. In the soph (and up) world, everyone already has their friends and she's still trying to find her niche. Please send some good thoughts her way.</p>
<p>Cyber hugs to Fredo and Fredo's D. Time is the only salve for healing loss.</p>
<p>My H is crushed that S1 missed his flight home but I refuse to internalize S1's issues. It doesn't do any good anyway. I let it go. He's 19. He will work it out. Heaven knows I was a jumbled piece of work when I was 19! <em>shudders to think about it</em></p>
<p>My D left for her junior year today, and I thought it was the saddest leave-taking so far. She is returning to her rental house at her college, and three of her friends picked her up at the airport. She has a new serious boyfriend from her summer job and is deciding tonight whether to drop one of her majors (double major and she doesn't think she can do both any more). Her boat is sailing farther and farther from home port...</p>
<p>What really strikes the kids is when all the new freshman come in. That seems to be a motivation to grown up and be independent or at least I have seen this with my older ones.</p>
<p>fredo, I am so sorry this is such a hard time for you.There is one small thing that might be useful for you to do, which I did early last year--I took my D off my already very short buddy list specifically so that I would not know when she was online and would not see her away messages. First, I didn't want to worry that she was spending too much time chatting instead of studying or being with people doing real things. Second, I didn't want to worry about every mood change or setback; sometimes her messages were perky and happy and occasionally they were grumpy and disappointed. I found, as I expected, that I worried less when I knew a little less.:) (Second child, so lesson had been learned on older one, I guess.) I am still on D's buddy list and she sometimes IMs me, but I do not IM her unless she has IM'd first (of course I send regular emails frequently whenever the mood strikes me). Anyway, it isn't a cosmic change, and I know you are concerned about your daughter's happiness this year after last year's experiences, but even a little thing like not knowing about the away messages might help you feel better.</p>
<p>I second what mattmom said about being off the buddy list. I'm not sure that it's such a good idea being involved day to day. For example, last year (son is a soph this year), son and a friend were talking online about being cooped up at Swarthmore and how unnatural it was. Well, they were going to Philly every other weekend and coming home once in 6 weeks too, but I guess they felt "cooped up". That, together with a friend's departure from Swarthmore had a negative effect on them and I was positively alarmed about his away messages. They were talking each other into getting into a "staying" mood and it wasn't serious according to him but it sure looked serious to me! </p>
<p>So I second what she says about not being too involved.</p>