<p>I'm going to agree with Bay as well. Beyond advising him that he will be caught and should tell his parents, I would stay as far away from this mess as you can. His deception will catch up with him.</p>
<p>No, if my kid was about to seriously jeopardize his future, and there was a way to minimize the effects, I would be less than pleased if a 'friend' knew and did not take the actions to help.
I like Consolation's suggestion.</p>
<p>Agreed... Consolation's advice is the best. Give the kid and family time (day or two) to inform all the interested parties and if they don't then you should. </p>
<p>In a case like this you have, in my opinion, an ethical obligation to reveal the information on behalf of all the other people, who you don't know, that were honest and thus unknowingly unfairly disadvantaged by this fraudulent act.</p>
<p>Oops, I misread. I actually agree with Consolation... their posts are right next to each other.</p>
<p>Agree with consolation. This young man's next steps are crucial. If he is remorseful and regretful and can be honest with all concerned, he could start climbing out of this tomorrow. If he does nothing, the pit gets deeper each day. This has now turned from a lie of commission to a lie of omission for OP and the young man.</p>
<p>I would have no idea how to handle this situation, but I think some overestimate the difficulty of faking transcripts, recs, and other such materials.</p>
<p>Perhaps my school is different as it is a large public and doesn't have a ton of top 20 pressure, but I know that I could fake the stuff(one of my habits is actually plotting out how I would do crazy stuff like this, partially as I love heist/'to catch a criminal' movies). I could get a hold of the paper, envelope, and stamp at the school without notice(hooray understaffing with budget deficit). I could also fake the envelope and auto-stamp if it was really necessary. I could pretty easily steal my counselor's password and then use her for any reason. Hell, I could actually change my grades in any of my classes(either through my hacker friend, or my friend who does tech for the district and has admin rank, or by jacking logins, and so on). Really, I could completely do it all. I'm not 100%, but I think I could actually route counselor phone calls through my computer or phone, and pick up the ones that are from the area codes of the colleges I applied to.</p>
<p>But I'd never do it, so it's cool. I just have no doubts that it could be done by a smart kid though. Spend a decent amount of time in the counselors office so they don't get surprised by you being nearby, and it can happen.</p>
<p>I think I agree with Consolation as well.</p>
<p>I am much less concerned with how this kid's college applications will fare and whether he will be "found out" than with where this kid is headed ethically in general and long term with respect to which side of the law he plans to live on in every other aspect of his life.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Admittedly, he made a mistake, but not one that should ruin his life. We all made mistakes as kids.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>This “extremely cunning” kid is on the way to ruining his own life; if forgery, replicating embossed seals, stealing material from his school to complete the ruse ... are the kinds of activities he is engaging in. Followed by long drawn out hypotheticals of how he might or might not get caught.</p>
<p>Possibly, the right interventions by the right combination of people at this time could have some hope of turning him around. He seems to need it.</p>
<p>What frightens me is the thought of such an intelligent person with no moral compass.</p>
<p>I think what I'm going to do is this.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Confront the student and give him a week to tell his parents about it.</p></li>
<li><p>If he does not, I will go to the principal and reveal everything.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>" the OP sounds to me like a kid who sent fake transcripts out with and is now worried he'll be caught and wondering whether he committed a prosecutable crime."</p>
<p>I had the exact same thought. Something really doesn't ring true here. WAY too much concern about how to get away with this/whether one will be caught or not.</p>
<p>Collectively this thread gave lots of ideas of how to be successful at it and what to watch out for.</p>
<p>starbright,</p>
<p>As I've said before, there really isn't any way I can convince you that I am not the student I am describing. </p>
<p>However, try to see things from my perspective. If you were the student's parent's friend, you would not want the student to get in a world of trouble with the law, etc... </p>
<p>I want this young man to learn his lesson, but not have his life demolished by one foolish mistake that is obviously the result of parental and societal pressure.</p>
<p>To me, this situation is strikingly similar to the dilemma parent's face when their child is diagnosed with an eating disorder. On one hand, they are able to empathize with their daughter because it is obviously the result of societal pressure, but on the other, the parents want their child to get better.</p>
<p>Is my situation much different? No.</p>
<p>I want the best for this young man because I respect his father. In my culture, friends and family are paramount. I wish to help him and his family, but not destroy his life. Is this irrational or strange?</p>
<p>It really doesn't matter whether you are a concerned parent or the student himself. The advice is the same. Prolonging the lie makes it worse. There is a window of opportunity to take advantage of. It will be much better to admit to this than to be caught, and to work toward making amends if possible, asking for forgiveness and throwing oneself on the mercy of school administrators at the high school and colleges involved.</p>
<p>Do not threaten the student. You will add tremendous pressure, perhaps more than the student can deal with. What then? Shame is a powerful force in our society - don't use it. Don't you realize you are holding the future of your friends child in your hands? That's a lot of power isn't it? Before you do anything at all - consider what it means to have that power, the uses of power over others and what is in the best interest of all concerned. You know that society will survive no matter what you do. Perhaps it would be best if you:
A. Say nothing and let it play out via the colleges etc. Odds are not with
him and if you're such a great friend of his Dad's - you can bet he'll need
that friendship when it unravels. And it probably will - without your
intervention.
B. Express your concern and offer a route to redemption with the<br>
suggestion that you'll help to seek out an impartial, (non school)
counselor to help examine the reasons for what
has occurred. Then perhaps the student can decide what to do about it.</p>
<p>If it unravels before all this takes place, what to do? Call your friend and offer support. Tell him his son is brilliant, but misguided. Stand by them when others judge him. They will. You must not - if you're a friend.</p>
<p>DSC,</p>
<p>I know of a couple of cases where kids did some cunning things with computers-- every single one was caught and all but one were prosecuted. </p>
<p>Most colleges and businesses have systems to confirm things but it may take a year or more to be found out. Another thing to consider: you don't need to commit a crime to be kicked out a college. </p>
<p>I think the student needs to withdraw his applications quietly-- because if he's found out a year from now, the college may decide he committed fraud and there could be financial implications.</p>
<p>Actually, I've heard that it is common, although not universal, for colleges to send a separate list of acceptances, rejections, etc. to the HS after decisions are made (for the HS's records). If the HS receives notice that this young man was accepted, and the school has no record of ever sending out a transcript, he'll be found out.</p>
<p>One addition: okay, two.
How well do you really know this student? Would the student consider a terrible and tragic solution to a temporary problem? Don't dismiss this thought.
If you have any concerns about all the pressure this places the student under and how the student may react - Tell your friend now. If this is the case, you must. Gently.</p>
<p>There's really no question if the kid will be caught it's more a question of when. </p>
<p>The sooner he comes forward and sorts this out the sooner he can accept his mistake and move on. Down the line, the consequences can only be much much worse than what they would be now. That's the sort of line to take with the kid and the parents.</p>
<p>I agree with Consolation. I'd give him 36 hours and I would make it quite clear that he will have a much easier time if he confesses than if he is found out or if you have to tell.</p>
<p>Concerned, I'm not convinced that your relationship to the forger is quite the way you describe it, but for purposes of discussion let's just say that it is. </p>
<p>In my opinion, the person who should be sweating bullets here is the student, not the father's friend. The next person who should be involved is the student's father or mother, not the father's friend. </p>
<p>You have no moral or ethical obligation to protect this kid or conversely to reveal his wrong-doing to the school principal or to the police or to the college. </p>
<p>In otherwords, hand back this hot-potato to the real concerned parties and disengage yourself.</p>
<p>As the parent of a young man I can say wholeheartedly that if a friend (or even a stranger for that matter) had information like this regarding my son's behavior I would absolutely, definitely, inequivocally want to know about it. I would be furious in fact if my friend *didn't *tell me. The truth may hurt, and it may hurt your relationship, but you need to tell the parent, now!</p>
<p>PS, Do you live in South Asia? If yes, then the likelihood of the colleges contacting the student's high school for more information is great.</p>
<p>As a parent, I may want to kill the messenger for a moment but in the long run I would be grateful if someone thought enough of my child to move him out of the way of an incoming train because this has more far reaching consequences than simply not being accepted into ones "dream school."</p>
<p>
[quote]
I've heard that it is common, although not universal, for colleges to send a separate list of acceptances, rejections, etc. to the HS after decisions are made (for the HS's records). If the HS receives notice that this young man was accepted, and the school has no record of ever sending out a transcript, he'll be found out.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>You are right. The high school is sent a listing of all students from their school who apply to a specific college along with the decision on their application.</p>
<p>The bigger issue at hand is that what would happen to this young man in the long run. If the young man is given an expulsion by any college, that will never leave his record and should one day he would want to do anything that requires a background check (getting admitted to the bar) it will come up.</p>
<p>Right now, I think it would be a no harm, no foul situation if the young man in the Op's postion withdraw all of his applications before decisions are released and apply again next year using his real transcripts and grades.</p>
<p>I am quite sure the lawyers will chime in, but does this situation dance on the line of mail fraud, which would be a federal offense?</p>
<p>How will the OP know if the kid has actually confessed to the school? Won't the school be violating FERPA if they tell the OP whether or not the kid confessed?</p>