Transfer Essay

Transfer Students
1

<p>Hey everyone, I'm kind of struggling with my transfer essay (rough draft below) and was wondering if anyone could give me feedback. Thanks</p>

<p>Going into college it is safe to say that I wasn’t quite sure of a career plan or any future goals that I wanted to achieve. Instead of focusing on what colleges had to offer I was more concerned with getting as far away from home as possible, not realizing that what I needed and now want was right in front of me.
As a freshmen, believing that engineering was the career path for me I decided to major in mechanical engineering. From looking at my transcript one can see that this proved to not be the case. Also, like many before me, not truly knowing that college was going to be that much different from high school my GPA didn’t get off to the greatest start. I also joined and became active in AFROTC in which I received a scholarship for what is now the concentration of my major, Russian. I’ve always been one who has had an interest in language and other cultures, which is why my study abroad experience last summer in Ireland was one I will not soon forget. Although I’m not currently active in AFROTC the experience that it gave me, as cliché as it may sound, helped me grow as a person and mature as a man.
The two years that I have spent in college have taught me a lot about myself. I’ve learned through trial and error what I want to do with my life. I’ve always been interested in what it takes to plan, start, and run a successful business. I know that when I graduate that’s what I want to put my effort into. Here at the University of Kentucky although there are majors pertaining to business there are none specific to being an entrepreneur. I’ve heard good things about the Entrepreneurship program offered at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro and would love to become involved in it.
I believe that you learn the most about yourself through experience and after time that I have spent as a student at the University of Kentucky I know that I’m ready to commit to a plan that I have for the future.</p>

2

<p>What is the prompt?</p>

3

<p>Probably Why UNC Greensboro.</p>

<p>To the OP:</p>

<p>I wouldn’t post your essay for everyone to see. You always run the risk of people plagiarizing from it. Additionally, your essay sounds a bit too generic. Schools want to see articulated reasons for transferring. I feel as if your spending too much time on your background and not enough on Why X. </p>

<p>I would expand on:

What good things have you heard about it? Point out to specific courses and programs. What makes this program unique. Etc. Make this the concentration of your essay as opposed to the generic I have grown. I have learned etc experience essay.</p>

4

<p>I really appreciate the feedback/advice. Thanks</p>

5

<p>Use more powerful verbs, omit “as cliche as it may sound,” and spend some time making the first sentence as strong as possible. I’ve always treated these kinds of essays very pragmatically: admissions officers probably won’t spend a lot of time reading the essay, so it’s best to “wow” them quickly with a strong and concise reason of why you want to transfer. You allude to this in the second sentence, which is good, but I think it can be more specific and interesting.</p>

6

<p>Didn’t read past first few sentences, but “freshmen”–>“freshmAn”</p>

<p>Also, your sentence structure needs work. Could you submit it to your college’s writing center?</p>