<p>Hi, I hope someone can give me advice on this, or experience, thanks! I will try to keep it brief.
My ds, freshman, called mid second semester in tears. Wanted to transfer, really did not like his school or classes, etc. He had mentioned transfer at Christmas, but not a lot after that.
We visited a school very different from his current one, and he unexpectedly loved it! He left there so happy and re-encouraged. He applied to that one and started to apply to a couple others. He was accepted. On the phone call to me saying he was accepted he sounded happier than he had in months.
The current year ended and reality hit that he would not be going back. He had second thoughts. He has really good friends at his current school and it is far from home--he likes the different environment.
He does not like the classes in his major at his current school and would change majors if he stayed there to something dramatically different.
If he goes to the new school it is close to home and he could stay in his major which he really loves.
He is so torn. He can't do both majors (they are very different paths) and is worried that he will choose one, look back and feel regret wondering what if...?
Are these conflicting feelings just part of the transfer process? What can I do to help him? Thanks!!</p>
<p>My D felt very similar to yours throughout frosh year, and ultimately applied for transfer to three schools very different from the one she started at and was accepted at all of them. She was also very ambivalent, and did not make the decision until about this time that year. She really loved the college she was contemplating tranfering to, but she hated the idea of change. Ultimately, she realized that coming back to the original school made her unhappy; during the spring, she was coming home too often, and dreding going back. So, she transfered, and it was absolutely the right thing to do. For her, it was definitely a matter of fit. the academics weren't the problem so much as the social scene. That might not be the case with your S.</p>
<p>Ultimately, my thinking is that transfering is hard! do it because you have to; because going back seems impossible. Or because there is a compelling academic reason (like available majors).</p>
<p>My son was miserable at his college second semester freshman year and did transfer applications. He was accepted at another highly selective school that he thought would provide more intellectual stimulation than his current school (an Ivy). He really thought it through. I even made him apply to our state university because if he was miserable, I wasn't going to pay $50K a year! He decided to stay at his current school and change a lot of things- including his major. He moved off-campus and got into some upper level seminar courses. He had a much better sophomore year. I was fully supportive of him transferring if he decided he couldn't stand to go back to the current school.</p>
<p>About the transfer - he should see if he can take a leave of absence from his current school instead of withdrawing. That way he will have a recourse in case he discovers that things are not as he hoped them to be at his new school.</p>
<p>Maybe this decision approach (especially the "it's out of your hands" aspect) will help him see which of these two options he really wants: <a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/51596-way-decide.html%5B/url%5D">http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/51596-way-decide.html</a></p>
<p>Thanks for all of the advice and experiences. Today he is going to transfer. Tomorrow--who knows? I think it is good for him to try on different decisions. I will try some of the out of your hands exercises, I think that might help clarif what he does/doesn't like.
It is really the academics at the old school that aren't what he imagined or wants. The problem is he has some really good friends and loves the environment.</p>
<p>At the end of freshman year, he is certain that there is absolutely no possible way to stay in his major at his current school?</p>
<p>It seems so. He is an art major. The program is small, and he didn't like the way the art classes were taught even though the profs were knowledgeable and nice. He felt that the focus is not what he is looking for right now. Also, in general the students were not as engaged in their classes as he would have liked. I read another post that said that the college did not feel like the expected "step up" from HS. I think this is my son's issue as well.</p>
<p>Presumably, he will make friends at the new school, which he "unexpectedly loved."</p>
<p>What is it about the current environment that he likes so much?</p>
<p>Could this be a case of "buyer's remorse"? The discussion of it in Wikipedia was interesting to me:</p>
<p>Buyer's</a> remorse - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia</p>
<p>The two decisions (college and major) may be costly to undo if necessary, but not impossible to undo.</p>
<p>How can you help? Imo, listen nonjudgmentally. Restate what he says from time to time ("So, it sounds like you are saying...") so that he sees that you understand and so that he can fine tune what he is thinking in response to hearing it back from you.</p>
<p>Is he in a BA or a BFA program. We found a huge difference and for some serious students we know, they were unhappy with their BA programs because they weren't as intense as they expected. THey were more of a continuation of HS, with art history and basic art classes (painting, drawing, etc). No design classes were offered. On the other hand, some students would prefer a BA program, which is less intense and allows time for more academic choices. </p>
<p>When comparing art programs, he should definitely take time to look at the art classes offered (get a catalog or go online), see how often these classes are offered (small schools don't have the ability to offer them every term), faculty and where they were taught (if all taught at same college, there won't have much diversity in approach). Facilities can vary greatly. Best bet would be to visit and speak with current students, look at current projects. Walk the studios at midnight and see how many students are still working.</p>
<p>Art students tend to hang out together and have a different view of the world. Definitely a generalization but it does fit to an extent. My DD found she didn't really "fit" with the art/design students so she was glad she decided to attend a design school within a college setting. She enjoys the diversity of majors and personalities. She had a classmate who transferred to RISD for the opposite reason. So your son just has to find his place.</p>
<p>He likes being in a different environment--completely different part of the country. It is more of an adventure than being in a familiar state. Thanks for the restate idea, it is difficult to remember to do that.
I think that the concern about the new school is concern akin to buyers remorse, and a concern about making the wrong decision. It is reversible if necessary.</p>
<p>His current school is a fairly traditional BA program. He got into an art school last year and decided not to go because he wanted more diversity. I think the current school has the issues you mentioned, small faculty, intro classes required, and the students in the school in general are not the kind that are doing schoolwork late at night. They want the degree to get a job.
The school he is applying to is still a BA program but is alternative, and has quite a few options not only for art but other classes. The students are more committed to school work, and he was pleased with the facilities.</p>
<p>What is his primary purpose in going to college? Is it academic or social? I'm not being facetious; the only things he likes about his current school are social. If he's miserable about the academics but still wants to pursue an art major (as opposed to the situation in which he changes majors because he's changed his mind and found something else he loves), then to my mind that's the answer. </p>
<p>I usually agree with the non-judgmental aspect of these decisions, and letting him make his own decision, but in this case I have to say that I don't. I wouldn't pay for 3 more years at a college that did not meet my child's academic needs. Those come first. He loves the atmosphere at the new school; he'll make good friends there too. And with Facebook and cell phones, he can keep in touch with the ones at his old school too.</p>
<p>It sounds like buyers' remorse to me.</p>
<p>I echo Chedva's comments. So often, the status quo takes on a halo just as we are about to leave it. We magnify the good and minimize the bad. Changing a desired major in order to stay with a few friends and an environment with some other positives...my hunch is there will be major regrets if the student does not try this transfer.</p>
<p>My D started at one school (several years ago) and wanted to transfer at Christmas. We were supportive but asked her to do certain things which she did. During the second semester she went back and forth over whether to transfer. At the end of second semester she decided not to file any transfer apps. When she walked back on campus for first semester sophomore year, she knew she had made the wrong decision. She filed a transfer app for her number one choice (if she had not gotten in she would have filed more) and transferred for her second semester this year. She had a lot of the same concerns about friends, etc.</p>
<p>She loves her new school, has had a great time, more academically challenged, better group of students, more compatible people. It was the right choice for her to transfer, her first college was not a good fit and the second one fits like a glove. But the fear of the unknown, that things won't really change were holding her back. My H and I can see and hear the difference in her. It was the right choice for her.</p>
<p>As third parties outside of the situation, I think we, as parents, over analyze, because we can't do anything else. If all it takes from you is a gentle nudge and a reminder of how unhappy he is/was, he's ready to go.</p>
<p>Good luck with this decision.</p>
<p>Thanks for the suggestions and experiences. It is really helpful to know that indecision is part of the transfer process in many cases. I was not sure if it was, in my son's case, an indication that he was not doing the right thing by transferring. We do tend to over analyze as parents, and bring our own stuff to these decisions as much as we try not to. I think he will transfer. I am sending in the papers and deposit today. We will also take a ride to the new school and hopefully he will be reminded of why he liked it so much the first time he went there. I do think that when one is getting ready to leave a place it looks better than it did a month or so earlier and indecision sets in. My son told me that when he got the acceptance from the new school he was totally relieved and pleased that he would not be returning to his current school. That says a lot.I think he would feel like the girl who knew it was wrong not to transfer when she got back to the school if he returned. He'd probably feel like that as the day approached. I am glad that transferring has worked out for so many. Clearly it is harder to do than I had anticipated--in many ways.
Again, thanks!</p>