Transfer life...dorm choices. Age issues..HELP

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>Hi.</p>

<p>I'm not very sociable. This isn't because I don't want to be, but because I don't…know…how.
It’s been like this for as long as I can remember. I've weaved in and out of social groups over the years, especially after high school. Any friendships I did make were vague or ended quickly. Depression kind of contributed to this. When people wanted to hang out, I said I was busy, or said I’d go but… I never followed through and just sort…stayed home. (I’m that one friend who always disappears.) That’s my fault, I know. But I was still so confused about things. I felt that there was more to this than just being depressed. </p>

<p>It turns out I have a nonverbal learning disorder, which explains some of my social difficulties I face (and poor work performance…been fired many times). Finding out about this, and reading up on this disorder…my depression skyrocketed. I feel hopeless. The future looks bleak. My self-esteem is pretty much gone. So it’s no wonder I’m still having such a hard time making friends and “putting myself out there”. I mean, who would want to be friends with such a miserable person?
That brings me to my main point.</p>

<p>I graduated from high school 6 years ago. I'd been going to COD on and off over the past several years. Anxiety, depression, working here and there, being unsure of my major/constantly switching majors were some pretty big factors. I still don’t know what I want to do. But I quickly realized that in order to get a job that pays more than minimum wage, I’d need to get a degree. So I finished the transfer requirements for LAS in May, picked communication as my major (pretty much everything else required some form of math), applied and got in. I'm going to be starting as a sophomore in the spring 2015 semester. A sophomore. I'm 24 years old. I applied for on-campus university housing...</p>

<p>I know I am old. But my theory was that if I lived in a dorm, I would essentially be forced to interact with others. I’d have a roommate. And we’d live next to other students…I’d end up meeting people no matter what. Being confronted with and having to deal with such a different environment would no doubt improve my social skills, since, for the past few years, I was pretty much a recluse…</p>

<p>So I filled and signed the housing contract. I picked Hopkins as my first choice, because that is where the “transfer cluster” is. Plus, I thought that if I mentioned that I wanted to be placed with someone within my age range, they’d try to accommodate my request. Immediately after submitting my housing application, however, I found some posts here on CC…and read that the average age of a transfer student here is MUCH younger than mine.</p>

<p>I called housing, and they said that because I already signed the contract, cancelling now would result in a huge penalty…around two thousand bucks. So...yeah. Can’t do that. They said I could email them with my new location preferences. This needs to be done ASAP. Like, yesterday. Otherwise, they will go by my original application. </p>

<p>I read that Sherman and Daniels houses upperclassmen and graduate students, and I'm thinking I’ll be more comfortable there. But see, that’s the problem. Will this enable my loner tendencies? Because…I don’t want that. </p>

<p>I have two goals: 1.) I really, really want to make friends--meaningful, long-lasting ones. I've heard so much about this school; my sister went here, and she said it was the best four years of her life and 2.) I want to discover just what it is that I'd like to do with my life. Career-wise. This is really, really long...</p>

<p>My original housing application:
1. Hopkins – transfer cluster
2. ISR – was told there would be like-minded students here, some older
3. Busey-Evans – quiet?
4. LAR – quiet but with members of the opposite sex
5. Ikenberry South – “double”. That is seriously all it said. And finally
6. ….UGH, Allen</p>

<p>Aaarhghghaljf;. My sister reminded me that it doesn't really matter where you dorm, because there a shit ton of activities at this campus. Clubs. Events. So now I really don’t know what to do. Should I email them my preferences? Or do nothing?</p>

2

<p>Disregard the above post. I thought this was the UIUC forum…so I’ve made my post a lot more general…read it, if you like…hopefully it makes more sense. left out stuff from before, it’s on the first post anyway</p>

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<p>I finished the transfer requirements for UC in May, picked communication as my major (pretty much everything else required some form of math), applied and got in. I’m going to be starting as a sophomore in the spring 2015 semester. A sophomore. I’m 24 years old. I applied for on-campus university housing…</p>

<p>My theory was that if I lived in a dorm, I would essentially be forced to interact with others. I’d have a roommate. And we’d live next to other students…I’d end up meeting people no matter what. Being confronted with and having to deal with such a different environment would no doubt improve my social skills, since, for the past few years, I was pretty much a recluse…</p>

<p>So I filled and signed the housing contract. I selected my preferences. My first choice was a residence hall known that contains what is called a “transfer cluster”. My understanding was that if I mentioned I wanted to be placed with someone within my age range, they’d try to accommodate my request. Immediately after submitting my housing application, however, I found some posts here…and read that the average age of a transfer student here is MUCH younger than mine.</p>

<p>I called housing, and they said that because I already signed the contract, cancelling now would result in a huge penalty…around two thousand bucks. So…yeah. Can’t do that. They said I could email them with my new location preferences. This needs to be done ASAP. Like, yesterday. Otherwise, they will go by my original application. </p>

<p>I read that there are a couple halls that house upperclassmen and graduate students, and I’m thinking I’ll be more comfortable there. But see, that’s the problem. Will this enable my loner tendencies? Because…I don’t want that. </p>

<p>I have two goals: 1.) I really, really want to make friends–meaningful, long-lasting ones. I’ve heard so much about this school; my sister went here, and she said it was the best four years of her life and 2.) I want to discover just what it is that I’d like to do with my life. Career-wise. This is really, really long…</p>

<p>Aaarhghghaljf;. My sister reminded me that it doesn’t really matter where you dorm, because there are a shit ton of activities at this campus. Clubs. Events. So now I really don’t know what to do. Should I email them my preferences? Or do nothing?</p>

3

<p>Given that the average transfer student probably transfers into the UCs after 2 years of community college, they are probably somewhere between 20 and 22 years old (depending on how long it took them to satisfy the UC transfer requirements and whether they went to CC right after college). 24 isn’t SO much older than 20-22 that you’ll have nothing in common with them. I have a couple of friends that are 3-4 years younger than me.</p>

<p>I don’t think that you will be more comfortable with graduate students at all - graduate student residence hall life is pretty much nonexistent, as in graduate school, a hall or apartment is just a place to live, aka, eat and sleep when you aren’t in the lab/classes/department. Upperclassmen halls do tend to be more quiet than the freshman or transfer halls, because people have kind of already settled into niches.</p>

<p>So I think you should leave your preferences alone and wait to see what it’s like when you get there. Nobody’s going to know that you are 24 unless you tell them.</p>

<p>Also</p>

<p>My theory was that if I lived in a dorm, I would essentially be forced to interact with others. I’d have a roommate. And we’d live next to other students…I’d end up meeting people no matter what. Being confronted with and having to deal with such a different environment would no doubt improve my social skills, since, for the past few years, I was pretty much a recluse…</p>

<p>Residence halls can be a really great place to meet lifelong friends - most of my close friends from college are people who I met in my freshman year residence hall. However, it’s not really a magic bullet. You’re not really forced to interact with anyone on a substantial level; your roommate could completely ignore you if they find you to be antisocial, and if you turn down friends enough times they will stop asking you to go places. What I mean is - you will still have to make the effort. Being in a residence hall will help tremendously! I just want to set you up with the knowledge that building your social skills and making friends is going to require some effort on your part, too. It’s not like it will come magically by osmosis, just by existing nearby other people.</p>

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<p>Good advice.</p>

<p>And I agree, there’s no need to announce to anyone that you’re 24.</p>

5

<p>I think you have to realize that you can’t predict which will be best so you go with the flow and the strategy is to make the best of what you get. I would have thought upper div students best but Juliet has good points. In the dorm you picked people will be at same stage of picking classes, the upper div may be very involved in their departments as will grad students not be as available and maybe went to another school and can’t give you tips for your college.</p>