<p>My daughter is moving on from Dickinson. Last weekend she got her transfer acceptance letter from the University of Maryland, College Park. We are happy for her, but admittedly a little sad for ourselves, to be honest. When I first posted last May about her acceptance to Dickinson, I said that we wanted something for her that we didnt have ourselves. She tried it and found that it wasnt for her. I can sum it up in a few words: too small, too remote. I dont want to get into any more detail, out of respect for her privacy and also for the school. Dickinson is a wonderful school and Id be willing to write all day about that. But like every school, its not for every student. Were glad that she had the experience of a small LAC. She wont be wondering, next year or in ten years, whether she should have chosen to go to one. She couldnt have gone the other way, financially speaking. Were proud how she made the freshman adjustment, how she has performed in her classes, and how she has handled the transfer process. UMD has much to offer her and were looking forward to watching her progress there.</p>
<p>Your daughter is lucky to have such supportive parents. It makes me take a moment to think about my role in D's college process right now. I would love to see her at a small liberal arts college. As of last night I was still pushing her to add a few to her list. She wants a mid sized University (4000-10000). Part of me feels she doesn't have a clear picture of what life at college is like. I actually sent for info on Dickenson after reading your post. They send a ton of mail. It looks like a wonderful place. D refuses to even look at the mail.
Thank you for your post.</p>
<p>I am just curious as to what your D expects from UMARYLAND that she could not get at Dickinson. Seems like a big leap..just wonderin'</p>
<p>CLdad, there is something to be said for knowing when something's not right for you, doing your best anyway, and then doing what needs to be done so that you can move on. It's sometimes very hard to admit when a "life-decision" turns out not to have been the right one but this doesn't seem to have been a problem for your daughter. She sounds like a very mature young woman.</p>
<p>Whoa. There must have been a lot of unhappiness to come to that decision so quickly. </p>
<p>A small LAC would have been the death of me (don't flame please, just my opinion). My boys have ruled out LACs too--partly because they have gone to secondary schools that have a small LAC feel and they are ready to move on to something much much bigger.</p>
<p>Hope Year 2 is smoother!</p>
<p>Well I can see that you're going to pull the info out of me bit by bit! : ). Thanks for your supportive words, everyone. It's really a dilemma for parents to balance what they think is best for their kids vs. trusting/letting the kids make these important decisions for themselves. Our hearts and minds were in the right place when we lobbied for Dickinson but in the end, D knew herself better than we did. We've all learned from this. Reading the posts in the "Regional" thread here, someone cautioned about not limited the student's choice geographically. That made me think about how to approach this question with my younger D, now a 10th grader. Mom60, overnight visits to some of the schools under consideration might help. It should give her a clearer picture of college life. My D had an informal overnight with a friend at Dickinson, and it really opened her eyes. Sigiovinc: Yes, it is a big leap: More variety of students and more to do off-campus, to name a few.</p>
<p>We did the reverse: my D transfered from a medium-large state U to an LAC. I applaud you for supporting her in her move; I hate to see a kid suffer through all four years when s/he knows it was a mistake. My D's entire outlook on college life changed when she found herself in a place where she knew she fit.</p>
<p>Good luck to your D and your family.</p>
<p>CLdad,</p>
<p>I really appreciate your post because even though my D, a senior, has always said she wanted to go to a large university, I have encouraged/pushed (?) her to apply to 3 LACs to keep her options open and, to be honest, because it is MY preference. She, however, says that she doesn't want to sit around in a discussion with 10 or 20 people...she wants to be that 300th person (or 500th, the more the merrier!) in the lecture hall at a big university! I have a feeling that if I encouraged my D to go to the LAC, she would probably end up transferring like your daughter.</p>
<p>I feel for what you are going through but at least your daughter recognized very quickly that it was not the right place for her and took the responsibility of moving onward. I'm sure she will be much happier at her new college and I wish you the best of luck.</p>
<p>CLdad, I'm glad to hear that Maryland came through for her. I will email you privately but I admire how you and your wife have handled this situation. Your daughter is lucky to have such supportive parents. </p>
<p>The underlying issue is this: trust your children's gut instincts about whether a school is right for them. If you find yourself "Selling" a particular school a little too hard, it's probably a sign that that the school isn't really a fit for your child, no matter how perfect you think it might be.</p>
<p>Thanks again, Carolyn and others. I agree with you about "selling" the school too hard. From my reading of this forum for several months, it's clear that many parents are able to take the hands-off approach and let their children decide. But every situation is different, and there are so many different parenting styles. I also wanted to let the parents here know that it's not the end of the world if your child decides to transfer. Good luck to all and have a happy and safe Thanksgiving.</p>
<p>"I also wanted to let the parents here know that it's not the end of the world if your child decides to transfer. "</p>
<p>Amen to that.</p>
<p>Your daughter is brave to move on.Good for her!</p>
<p>HS'ers know or think they know what they are expecting the "ideal" college to be like. The advantage of letting them trust their own instincts is that if they conclude that a wrong choice was made, at least it was their choice.</p>
<p>Fortunately, a relatively small %age decide to transfer once they have enrolled. My son has a classmate who applied to MIT and felt that he had a fabulous on-campus interview. When he was waitlisted he called his adcom contact and was told that his HS transcript was somewhat weak but suggested that a transfer could be possible if he did well frosh year. He is doing well so far but now has no intention of transferring because he is really enjoying himself at "The Tute"'.</p>
<p>I think youre brave, too, Cldad, for your willingness to talk openly about your daughters decision to transfer. So many of the parents on this board report that their kids have made an apparently seamless transition from high school to college, and that they are totally content almost from the start. (I dont want these parents to misunderstand me your kids sound terrific, and you have much to be proud of.) I have sometimes felt as if, in comparison, my daughter was almost atypical in having encountered some transition issues along the way. Although she is happy with her choice, and getting happier all the time, it has been a process of adjustment on a bunch of levels. I wish your daughter the best at Maryland.</p>
<p>Thanks, WJB! I felt obliged to share this phase of my D's college process since I posted so hopefully in the beginning, and have continued to post about Dickinson when appropriate. There is certainly a lesson to be learned here, as Carolyn and others have expressed. We (the parents) are doing fine with the situation. If we were absolutely destroyed by it, I may not have posted. For the most part, I think parents here are very open. It's natural to want to share your child's triumphs; I've certainly enjoyed doing it on occasion!</p>
<p>Last year I had a talk with one of my D's teachers who has been teaching for many years. She commented on how stressful the college admissions process was for the kids. Another thing she said that after all the stress how many ended up back home before the year was up unhappy with their choice. We seem to have a high number of kids who for one reason or another end up back home or transferring to another school. Including those from the 18,000 a year prep school. I don't know why or if we are unusual. We do have a UC and a strong City College so that probably has something to do with it. Some people believe the kids here live in an isolated bubble and have a hard time adjusting to life in the "real" world.<br>
Everyone have a wonderful Thanksgiving and enjoy being with your families as we are all truly blessed to have them.<br>
Cldad- you have given us all food for thought.</p>
<p>CLdad--thank you for sharing your experience. By doing so, you give a chance for anyone else who has met with a rocky road during that first semester in college to come out of the woodwork and share. </p>
<p>I certainly was one who pushed LACs to my D in the college application process. Having gone to a HUGE college and a small law school, I had opinions about which one was a better learning environment. I think most kids (at least in our neck of the woods--California, with state schools coming out of our wazoo) don't even consider LACs much.</p>
<p>She ended up at a mid-sized university.</p>
<p>Being a PA resident (although with a city bias), I think that one of the hidden difficulties of the many wonderful, small LAC's scattered across the state is the very rural & remote nature of the state once you are outside the Phila & Pittsburgh city areas.
Students really need to assess how content they will be with only the campus community or a (very) small town to draw their experiences from. You are only in those fascinating classes a few hours a day!</p>
<p>I would like to add to Mom60's comment: Our local private prep school included boarding students, who have already made the transition to living away from home. Many kids head east for univeristy, and many are back at the local university the next year. It is surprising how many come back home...even if they are living on campus here, they have come back home.</p>
<p>My kid is 3rd year uni and has talked about transferring repeatedly, it seemed to be the grass-is-always-greener syndrome, in freshman year she wanted to switch and go to a school where about 20 kids from her high school were, they all sounded like they were having more fun than she. We encouraged her to send for the info, which she did, and she never did another thing about it. </p>
<p>In year two, she wanted to transfer to a big, highly rated state U nearer us; she is about a 25 hour drive from us now and she would have been a 2 hour drive. Once again, we encourgaed her to get the info and even go visit the school, which she did. She realised she is simply to close to being done to risk losing any of her hard fought units. She is taking a tough major and had a roommate disaster last year, so these experiences were definitely influencing her.</p>
<p>The good news is that she is now having fun at school, classes are tough, but she survived the roommate horrors (girl got on drugs, began bringing them into the house, plus druggie friends, not campus housing, so we had all the scary hassles of getting out of the lease, security deposit refunds, finding a new place, new roommate, etc. It was incredibily ugly and my daughter said recently, she had no idea until now, how distracting and overwhelming it all was at the time;) has joined into more campus activities (huge state campus school where you must join to meet people) and is generally content with life.</p>
<p>During the application process we encouraged LAC schools to no avail, repeatedly we told her the negatives of the huge highly rated public U; she did not listen, but now she says we were probably right, she should ahve at least been willing to visit some.</p>
<p>So, if you're wanting to encourage an LAC, do so, have them at least visit and I would suggest applying, so it is one of the choices in the spring, giving your kid lots to consider. Then they can make the choice from their gut. She might have still chosen the big schoo, she was tired of a small intimate high school where every one knows you, she wanted to be part of something bigger and more energetic.</p>
<p>Cldad, it will all work out. I speak from experience. I was very involved with a niece in a similar situation last year because her parents were abroad. She was at her dream school, one she had wanted for many years. She had done all the recommended things, visited several times, sat in on classes, met students, did an overnight in a dorm, etc. etc. However, once she got there and actually had to live there and be a student there, she realized it wasn't for her. She knew it very early on in the year. The difference from your D is that she went from one large university to another. I'm happy to report that she is very happy at her new school and is doing well. Her parents had very mixed feelings about her coming home after not even one semester but it turned out that it was the right thing to do. Sometimes even parents don't know best! Good luck to your D. :)</p>