<p>Story in a nutshell. D was a top student and a good swimmer in high school. Plunged into depression during her senior year in HS. Got treatment. D and therapist THOUGHT she would be o.k. Wasn’t. First year at “top-notch LAC” was miserable. Spent lots of time in therapy and sleeping. Managed a B average (mostly because she was well prepared from HS and dropped a class.) Felt disconnected from the LAC’s swim team (something that previously was a big part of her life and a stress reliever)</p>
<p>D is home now, doing better with more intensive therapy and meds. Has a job that brings her pleasure. D’s tentative plan is to take a semester or two off and heal. She also wants, possibly, to reconsider LACs so that she could have a fresh start emotionally. This is where we get stuck. </p>
<p>D’s LAC is very, very well regarded. Comparable LACs are not likely to line up to offer her admission (given the year she has had). There are a several pretty good LACs that offered her generous merit aid last year. Presumably, these colleges would consider her for a transfer (albeit without the merit aid).</p>
<p>How does she go about looking at schools for a possible transfer? How honest should she be? There is nothing wrong with her current LAC; it just brings up painful memories. Part of me wants to encourage her to visit her current LAC this fall, just to take a second look at the place and be sure that she wants to transfer. Maybe she could have a fresh start at the same place and maybe she would see the swim team in a new light. Or maybe she should just start over new. Anyone have suggestions or been there?</p>
<p>Bumping this up as, although I know quite a bit about transferring, I don't know much about the particular dilemma of how to handle the depression as the precipitating factor.</p>
<p>I do think some parents here have wise perspectives on when/whether/how to discuss depression in the application process. At least I think I've seen discussions of it wrt freshman apps.</p>
<p>In terms of looking at schools for a possible transfer, I think she should replicate much of the process that she did in identifying schools the first time around. This may yield a very similar set of schools to her freshman list. Or it may not. Even if she liked her first LAC (as much as she could under the difficult circumstances), she may have identified factors that she would now consider that she didn't before. Or have realized that other types/sizes/locations of schools could work for her. </p>
<p>Her list should probably include reach/match/safety, as before.</p>
<p>Telling us a little more about her major/possible major; her actual GPA and hs and test score stats might help. As well as any geographical or atmosphere considerations.</p>
<p>If she will consider quite large schools (very different from LACs, I know) some of them admit on a "by the numbers" basis for transfer, including some very top ones. In which case, she wouldn't have to address the issue of why she is leaving the LAC.</p>
<p>Thank you for your thoughts on this difficult topic. The issue (at least right now) isn't so much WHERE to transfer, but how and whether to do it. Her HS grades, SATs, recs, etc, were all very, very strong. She was accepted to most of the LACs to which she applied, many of them "brand name" places.</p>
<p>But that was then. If she tries to transfer now, her application won't be strong (low B average and recs from profs who may not have a great impression of her). She also won't have an easy answer to the question "So why do you want to transfer away from great name LAC?" I suspect the transfer LAC (she is interested only in LACs at this point) will be a little nervous about her mental health problems, even if they will be impressed by her strong SATs and such. </p>
<p>So part of me thinks that she should consider just staying where she is enrolled now. It would eliminate the stress of transfering and the awkwardness of having to relive her difficult last year in every transfer application. On the other hand, she --very understandably -- just want to start new at another LAC.</p>
<p>Has anyone had experience talking about mental health problems with an admission's office? Or should she just avoid the topic and say that her current school is "just not a fit" and she had "adjustment problems."</p>
<p>I would probably encourage her to start the transfer process. That does not imply a commitment to transfer, it just implies having the opportunity to do so in the Spring if she wants to. I see facing the question "Why do you want to transfer" as healthy. To be able to put her feelings into words. To be able to redevelop a sense of control over her life. To be able to articulate what she wants, not just what she wants to avoid.</p>
<p>Is she swimming now? What about swimming for a club--now or in the fall? Again--a chance to explore what she really wants now. If not a traditional club, maybe a Masters team. </p>
<p>What does she like about her job? What does her pleasure in her job imply for possible career plans or for fields of study? And what do those things imply about which colleges to look at? Another area of healthy exploration for her, imo.</p>
<p>I can't predict how colleges might react to her application. But, I do think that having a bad year at what turned out, at least last year, to be a bad fit college is not the end of the world. Colleges will realize that this has happened before. She still is a highly intelligent person with a strong record of achievement in high school. </p>
<p>i cant say i was ever in the position that your daughter is in, but as a recent college grad with more than a handful of mental health issues, heres my take:</p>
<p>revisiting the lac in the fall (and perhaps again in the spring) is perhaps the best way for her to decide if she even wants to consider returning. a positive outlook and a good 'gut' feeling can mean their weights in gold when trying to work oneself out of depression; anything less, especially in an environment without a ton of positive outside support, can result in disaster.</p>
<p>what concerns me most about your posts is the following:</p>
<p>
[quote]
So part of me thinks that she should consider just staying where she is enrolled now. It would eliminate the stress of transfering and the awkwardness of having to relive her difficult last year in every transfer application.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>i guess this bothers me because if you anticipate her having difficulty reliving her past year in transfer applications, how to you expect her to relive her past year every time she goes to the dining hall, attends a certain class, steps in a particular dormitory, sees certain people, et cetera... if she returns to her original school?</p>
<p>that isnt to say she shouldnt return. who knows how her current feelings will change as time passes and the next college semester begins. but it is a pretty telling statement in my eyes, especially when coupled with the statement that she, as of now, doesnt want to return.</p>
<p>one thing i would forget is the prestige of her current school. its just not that important when youre talking about things this big in nature.</p>
<hr>
<p>on the issue of how schools handle students with demonstrated mental illness, i have had no problems in disclosing relevant parts of my history when necessary. it probably is important that the school feels you are prepared to enroll, however, and therefore it might be in your daughters best interest to take a couple of classes at a local college this spring (something she may want to do even if she decides not to transfer (though she may need approval from her lac)).</p>
<p>Do have her consider taking a course or two before she applies/returns.</p>
<p>We have seen several students (all males) come home to be treated for depression. The paths and results have been varied. For each, the common thread in treatment was that there was a strong recommendation from professionals that they take, and succeed at, at least one course at a local college (usually a community college linked to the local state system, with success at that sometimes opening a path to transferring to the flagship university). One student had done so poorly at his original college that successfully taking several community college courses was a prerequisite for being considered for readmission at the school from which he was on leave. </p>
<p>Taking a course or two builds confidence, keeps these kids exposed to other students who are around their own age, and can be the start of building a "rebuilt" record after slipping academically as a result of the illness. It can also make them look much more like someone a new (transfer) college will be willing to take a chance on.</p>
<p>I think the advice of going for a visit at her LAC is a good one. And, based on what has happened and what happens during her visits, I would try to assess with her whether there would be support there, how well she and you and the professionals thought that her LAC had handled/is handling/will handle her situation, and generally try to think/imagine her way through what returning there might be like. Look for, and evaluate, possible sources of support. Does she feel a connection with the coach? Did she get to know any of her professors? The deans? Is there a support group for students with mental illness? If she won't be going back for a year or two, the individual students may not matter all that much, but how does she feel in general about the type of people who go to this LAC?</p>
<p>Good luck. Keep asking. Keep talking. Stay in touch.</p>
<p>I think I see visiting the old LAC as a later step in the process, when some healing has occurred. </p>
<p>Returning to the site of a trauma might take time. I would want her to be certain that she is ready. </p>
<p>Therefore, imo, follow her lead about the old LAC. If she's not comfortable with any step involving the old LAC, then, imo, wait.</p>
<p>In thinking about future colleges, I would not give any edge to the old LAC. Maybe it could work out, maybe. But, given her experience there, I'd look far and wide elsewhere, too.</p>
<p>Your daughter seems to be at a very fragile point in her life now. Because she seems to be making reasonable choices I suggest that you support her 100%.</p>
<p>This actually happened to me many moons ago, though problems were more extreme than depression. I was actually diagnosed with schizophrenia, though the diagnosis was incorrect. I had prednisone withdrawal syndrome from asthma meds. Still, I didn't know this at the time.</p>
<p>My doctor told my parents they should forget about college and get me a job as checkout clerk at A & P, all I could ever hope to achieve. (I have a Ph.D. now.) I decided to insist on going back to school (large flagship state u.) and transfer later. I never did transfer because I met someone who became my first H. These experiences have been invaluable in connecting to and helping many of my own students.</p>
<p>The funny thing is I don't associate school with negative experiences -- just positive recovery.</p>
<p>That said, your daughter isn't me, but she isn't necessarily fragile either. She may have great strength of character. However, the fact that she doesn't want to return to LAc is telling. My advice would be: pursue transfer process guns blazing. When she knows her options (where she is accepted, financial issues) she can revisit LAC and make an informed choice. I wouldn't worry about prestige of college if she doesn't. She may wish to move away from ulta-competitive life, and she may have an intuitive grasp of what is right for her. A good friend of mine had a nervous breakdown (old terminology) at Yale (first class to admit girls), went back to NYU and became a psychiatrist. Her "nervous breakdown" gave her whole life direction.</p>
<p>See your daughter as strong and listen to her. I sincerely hope all is well. I'll be pulling for her.</p>
<p>I agree with mythmom. Try to ignore the prestige issue and help her locate some good schools that are known to offer nurturing environments. Beloit and Lawrence in WI are 2 that spring to my mind. Lots of support services and lots of happy campers. The Colleges That Change Lives book by Loren Pope is a good one to look at for suggestions on this.</p>
<p>Her ability to transfer depends on her mental health. If she is much much better and high functioning, she MAY be able to transfer or return to her old LAC.</p>
<p>However, in many cases of mental illness, a local school, near to home is the best solution. Mentally ill patients often function better in extremely stable, structured environments. College campuses are the antithesis of stable and structured. That's why so many mental illnesses appear when children leave home to go to college.</p>
<p>My brother is severely ill with bi-polar disease although he has always been high functioning. I'm going to say the same thing to you that I said to runningman--(his brilliant son became very ill on the eve of his departure for an Ivy). </p>
<p>Absolutely , one of the most difficult things for the supporting family is to ACCEPT the diminished future that significant mental illness can bring. In my experience, this acceptance goes against instincts--it is very difficult to maintain--especially in the instance of a brilliant student. The family almost fights to maintain the future that was supposed to be. And this is sometimes unrealistic and damaging to the patient.</p>
<p>If you do discover that your D will have ongoing mental health issues--get support for yourself so that you can find your way to acceptance as quickly as possible.</p>
<p>God Bless you too. An ill child is such a worry.</p>
<p>Thank you all. You have given us a lot to think about. Some responses to your questions. . . D is getting better. She is swimming, employed, and going to therapy regularly. After such a hard year, though, we all would feel more comfortable having her stay home for a semester or so. We also talked about the possibility of attending a local community college or language school and/or making a short visit to the LAC she attended last year.</p>
<p>The prestige factor of her current (or future) college is not a major concern. Instead, our concern is how to answer adcom when they ask "why transfer to our school?" -- a question that inevitably will come up because her current school is so very well known/regarded. The idea of having to explain one's mental health to complete strangers isn't appealing--especially when you know they will be judging you. This is the stress that I would like her to be able to avoid. </p>
<p>But for now, your points are well taken. This is healing time. Deciding about the future will come later.</p>
<p>All she needs to say about old school is "It wasn't the right environment for me." If you don't feel this is enough there are many ways to put a positive spin on this: I wanted to enjoy my college years more, I want more time for Ec's, I wanted to be closer to home, I love your XY or Z and felt it
(they) would really contribute to my college career. Any of these would do. This shouldn't be a problem. The adcom is probably pretty proud of its school and doesn't respond to ratings hierarchy as much as we think it might.</p>
<p>Transfer applications in general should imo emphasize the good things about the proposed new school rather than the negatives about the old school.</p>
<p>Yes, I agree. I can see that you expect that she will have to explain why she wants to leave such a great school (because the new school will find it odd), and that this will inevitably mean reliving her depression, because you are assuming that she simply must point to the depression as her reason for wanting a change.</p>
<p>Couple of thoughts: be aware that kids transfer out of top schools quite often. On the Transfer Board here, you will see kids leaving one Ivy for another, for example. Schools are not surprised that someone will want to leave another great school. </p>
<p>When you look at how the transfer essay questions are worded, for most schools, you will see that they do not focus on why you want to <em>leave</em> your last school but on why you want to transfer <em>to</em> the new school. This could conceivably involve a compare-and-contrast of the two schools, but usually it doesn't. </p>
<p>She simply needs to identify some schools she would now like; research them enough to know what is unique and special about them as it relates to her academic and other needs and highlight that in her essay. </p>
<p>Even the top 20 LACs, with all they might have in common, have significant differences in atmosphere, academic specialties and strengths, etc. It can even come down to her digging deep enough into a college's website to find that a prof or two is doing research in an area of significant interest to her. She doesn't have to then prove that no one at her old LAC is doing that; simply that this program/prof at the new school is drawing her to it.</p>
<p>First, like jmmom, I bet it's not that rare for LACs to get transfer requests from kids going to more highly ranked schools, so explaining it the way mythmom suggested, putting a positive spin on it should not be too difficult. I wouldn't even mention depression or illness, unless you think that it would somehow require a lot of support from the LAC to get her through coursework. A lot of students are under treatment for depression, and the university administrations don't know about it. </p>
<p>Second, my S came home before the winter holidays last year and was diagnosed with a similar condition as your D. He got counseling, medication, a lot of rest, some perspective and unconditional love from his immediate and extended family. He decided to take the spring semester off but wanted to go back to his apartment off campus after 8 or 9 weeks at home. We allowed this with a lot of conditions, after a few weeks he found a job (low key at a restaurant), hooked back up with his friends and was feeling confident. He eased back into academic life by taking an LSAT prep course and then taking the LSAT in May. At first, I worried a lot about him reliving bad memories because not only was he in the same town but in the same studio apartment where things had spiraled downward. But he managed to work things out and is enrolled in classes for this coming semester. We have struggled with what to expect from him and how much to pry; I'm sure that is a common theme for other parents. He's home now for a month and is looking and feeling pretty good. </p>
<p>So, long story short, it CAN work out to go back to a school or situation where there are bad memories. I think it might even give the student confidence that they can turn things around and not "run" from a place that is otherwise right for them (this is assuming that the atmosphere at the college, the culture, was not to blame for her depression). It makes all the difference in the world that the student is feeling better than when they left the place and feels more able to cope with the ups and downs (which would happen at other colleges, too). If your D has a friend or friends at the college, that would help a lot. If she didn't make close friendships and has nobody that she wants to reconnect with there, then I agree that a transfer might be a way to start fresh with relationships. Either way, your D can have a bright future in college, bad memories can be paved over by good ones.</p>
<p>I spoke with someone who has had experience in this area. Her student left one of the service academies. In this case it was an eating disorder along with severe depression. The student took one semester off and transferred to a out of state university in the spring. In her transfer process why she was leaving the academy was not an issue. Unfortunately in this case the student did not adjust well to the 2nd school and is now back home. </p>
<p>I think this is an area that she can address with her therapist. She should not go back to her first college just to avoid having to explain why she left.</p>
<p>Just asking for a bit of clarification: Is your D on an official "leave of absence" from her school, or will she have to reapply following her semester or year off? If she is on a leave of absence, is she permitted to apply to other schools?</p>
<p>I agree with the previous posters that transfer applications in general should be approached not as what's wrong aboutthe current school, but what's appealing about the potential transfer school. I would not recommend mentioning her depression.</p>
<p>Upintheair. Right now D is expected to return to school in the fall. Prior to leaving in the spring, however, she talked with the dean about taking a leave of absense and packed up all her stuff. We hope/think that she will call the dean this week to initiate the leave. She should check to see if there is any limitation on her ability to apply to other schools while on this leave. (I haven't heard about that, but it might be possible. )</p>