<p>I just started my sophomore year of college at a big university about an hour from home. Last year I was not a happy camper the entire year. I did not enjoy being here, college just didn't feel right to me. People say college is supposed to be fun. I was never really interested in the urban setting or academics (although I do well). I felt trapped in a lifestyle that I hated to death. I dislike the whole atmosphere of college. Just looking around outside at the campus and people walking around makes me sick. It's pretty busy here but it feels empty to me. Last year I was dealing with my mother passing away so I had my car here and came home most weekends. I think i was in shock with her passing but I was more homesick and miserable at school than I ever thought I could be. It's not like I got over it within the first few weeks. My longing for home and disgust of where I was grew stronger as the year went on. The second semester was god awful. It also got harder for me just to focus on school. I had friends that I hung out with, a good roommate, I went to Karate Club classes 3 times a week, worked out in the gym every day, did all my work, but I still felt so lost and foreign there. But I kept it all together, stayed strong, and really put an effort into trying to be happy here. Most other people had no idea there was anything wrong, not even some of my family members. I hardly remember anything from last year. I was in such a trance of shock and homesickness.</p>
<p>I told myself there was no way I would do another year here, I applied to transfer to a local school and commute from home. When I brought it up with my dad he did not reject the idea but told me that it may be hard for me to concentrate on school work if I was at home. He also didn't know much about how the whole transferring process worked so I think he was unsure if it would all work out. Although deep down I think he would have liked me home, I think he wanted me to give it another try and sometimes I thought I should too, start a clean slate, maybe this year would be better. But it was such a big decision neither of us could really pull the trigger on it so the deadlines for transferring past.</p>
<p>So move in day for sophomore year came and the feeling of homesickness, hate of where i was going, and regret for not transferring earlier was enough to make me pullover and throw up at a gas station. The whole summer I kept thinking how this year would be just as bad as last year. I can't transfer now because most all other schools have already started for the Fall. And waiting to transfer for next semester is just too painful. My fear is that halfway through I'll just finally break down, heck, I think that's what I'm doing now. I can't make it 15 more weeks here. I really just want to withdraw now so my dad can get his full refund instead of 4 weeks later and they say "too late, tough luck". It is so tempting to throw all my stuff in my car here and just hit the road. But if I withdraw I'll have to work or something until the second semester starts. Which is fine with me but I'm afraid about if it's the right thing to do and everyone will think I'm a quitter and dropped out of college. It was my mother's last wishes that I go to college so I can't let her down. I've even prayed to her before bed hoping that she would show me some guidance in a dream or something. But from what I've seen and learned, life's too short to not be happy. I have no idea on what the right path is.</p>