Transfer/Withdraw-What Should I do?

<p>I just started my sophomore year of college at a big university about an hour from home. Last year I was not a happy camper the entire year. I did not enjoy being here, college just didn't feel right to me. People say college is supposed to be fun. I was never really interested in the urban setting or academics (although I do well). I felt trapped in a lifestyle that I hated to death. I dislike the whole atmosphere of college. Just looking around outside at the campus and people walking around makes me sick. It's pretty busy here but it feels empty to me. Last year I was dealing with my mother passing away so I had my car here and came home most weekends. I think i was in shock with her passing but I was more homesick and miserable at school than I ever thought I could be. It's not like I got over it within the first few weeks. My longing for home and disgust of where I was grew stronger as the year went on. The second semester was god awful. It also got harder for me just to focus on school. I had friends that I hung out with, a good roommate, I went to Karate Club classes 3 times a week, worked out in the gym every day, did all my work, but I still felt so lost and foreign there. But I kept it all together, stayed strong, and really put an effort into trying to be happy here. Most other people had no idea there was anything wrong, not even some of my family members. I hardly remember anything from last year. I was in such a trance of shock and homesickness.</p>

<p>I told myself there was no way I would do another year here, I applied to transfer to a local school and commute from home. When I brought it up with my dad he did not reject the idea but told me that it may be hard for me to concentrate on school work if I was at home. He also didn't know much about how the whole transferring process worked so I think he was unsure if it would all work out. Although deep down I think he would have liked me home, I think he wanted me to give it another try and sometimes I thought I should too, start a clean slate, maybe this year would be better. But it was such a big decision neither of us could really pull the trigger on it so the deadlines for transferring past.</p>

<p>So move in day for sophomore year came and the feeling of homesickness, hate of where i was going, and regret for not transferring earlier was enough to make me pullover and throw up at a gas station. The whole summer I kept thinking how this year would be just as bad as last year. I can't transfer now because most all other schools have already started for the Fall. And waiting to transfer for next semester is just too painful. My fear is that halfway through I'll just finally break down, heck, I think that's what I'm doing now. I can't make it 15 more weeks here. I really just want to withdraw now so my dad can get his full refund instead of 4 weeks later and they say "too late, tough luck". It is so tempting to throw all my stuff in my car here and just hit the road. But if I withdraw I'll have to work or something until the second semester starts. Which is fine with me but I'm afraid about if it's the right thing to do and everyone will think I'm a quitter and dropped out of college. It was my mother's last wishes that I go to college so I can't let her down. I've even prayed to her before bed hoping that she would show me some guidance in a dream or something. But from what I've seen and learned, life's too short to not be happy. I have no idea on what the right path is.</p>

<p>If it was your mother’s last wish that you go to college it means if you withdraw, you will follow up and enroll either next semester or next year. </p>

<p>Taking a gap semester or year might be helpful. Don’t worry about what people think, just prove them wrong and do not drop out forever. </p>

<p>I think you need to give yourself a bit more time grieve. I think withdrawing might help.</p>

<p>Yet, since you have a few more weeks to make up your mind, take your time. Maybe the fact that you know you can give yourself permission to withdraw might get rid of some of the stress. </p>

<p>I also suggest that you investigate that if you take off for a semester, can you come back if you change your mind. </p>

<p>I am sorry for your loss. Take Care</p>

<p>You have been trying to deal with a lot of issues all at once. If you can’t concentrate on academics right now, take a leave for a semester. Work while you are off, and maybe take the time to see a counselor who can help you through this stage in the grief process. By the next semester, you can decide whether to return or withdraw for good. What did you do with your summer? Did you see a counselor or anything for some help with all of this? Good luck to you. Your mom will be proud of you whether you finish college on time, or take a little time but finish eventually.</p>

<p>Thanks for your comments. I really appreciate them. Last year I saw a counselor 3 times but it didn’t do me much good. I came out more stressed and mind racing than when I went in. Over the summer I worked doing landscaping, masonry, and roofing. Everyone thought after that I would really appreciate going to college and getting a degree but to tell you the truth, I loved working hard outside.</p>

<p>Everyone last year said I will get better, it will pass etc. But here I am a year later and my situation is worse than before. It is very tempting to withdraw and work until i can commute from home next spring semester.</p>

<p>I must make a decision by the end of this week. I cannot stop thinking about what to do. It is eating me alive.</p>

<p>Call your father and tell him everything that you’ve told us here on college confidential.
Be honest with him. There is nothing wrong with taking a leave. It will give you time to explore your options.</p>