<p>I'm a Math/CS student, about to be a senior next year. Pretty far into it. And a few months ago, it finally dawned on me something that I should have known at least a year ago: I do not think I chose the right major at all.</p>
<p>First let me say that although my major is Math/CS (not a double major, just one that has parts of both subjects), the CS side dominates. That's because I have to take more CS classes than math classes and the CS department is much more active. And for some reason, going through this major, I knew from day one that I had pretty much no intention of being a software engineer/developer/"IT"/whatever, none of that kind of thing. I had some pipe dream that CS majors could actually do something else easily. I mean I always knew I'd like the theoretical side more, after all that is why I'm a Math/CS major and not just a straight CS major.</p>
<p>It should have become apparent to me after taking classes in systems programming and architecture (with a lot of near-machine code coding) that I didn't like it. I like automata theory, discrete mathematics, numerical analysis, that sort of thing. But what do I really like? That's the question that I can't fully answer, but I'm nearly certain that it does not lie in the field of computer science. And as for mathematics, I did love the graph theory class I took, and I'd have liked linear algebra more if the person who taught it did a better job (numerical analysis helped understanding that one a lot), but when it comes to real analysis, I just can't wrap my head around it. And that's the one math class that every math major must take, and it makes no sense. And I find it totally useless. I never thought of myself as very practical in the first place, because I always loved the theory and not the applications of anything, but come on, writing a proof that the limit of the constant function f(x) = 3 as x goes to 7, is 3...why? Isn't that totally obvious? Just as obvious as the fact that no sequence has 2 different limits? Dropped out of that class last semester after getting the wonderful score of 5% on a test that could have been aced simply by doing nothing but memorizing all the proofs the teacher had copied out of the textbook with little discussion. (In his defense I did have an extremely busy week that week because it was the week before spring break and every class decided to have something big that week, so I couldn't study as much as I had hoped.) Also, I feel that in my major, I have learned next to nothing. My engineering friends have learned so much. Me? CS coding classes are basically Google 101. Anything you need to know, you look it up on Google, that's what the professors tell you. Anyone can learn how to code something well enough with a book, a computer, a C++ compiler, and 2 weeks. And so often, my engineering friends will ask me math questions with their homework, and I will never, ever, ever know what to do. Because I didn't learn their math. And every time this happens, I just feel dumber, and I get worried that their perception of me gets "lower". Like I don't have any of the important skills. And I'm not even going to talk about how I'm a CS major who knows next to nothing about computer hardware, which even though CS isn't about, everyone and their mom seems to be an expert on, both in the major and outside it.</p>
<p>Anyway, getting to the point. I feel from the start I should have majored in some kind of engineering, or a hard science that isn't biology. But probably engineering. But I don't know. I still don't see myself as the most practical person in the world..what I really like to do is just sit there and do math problems, but it would be cool to see your calculations turn into a physical object. But I don't want to deal with money issues/people issues/anything that's not the math behind how the thing works. The big problem is, that I'm 6 classes short of completing my Math/CS degree, and I know I'm not going to be happy with what I do with that degree in the future. The fact that last semester, when I had 2 heavy-coding classes, I was doing nothing but having panic attacks and being so nervous about everything that I would go to sleep at 1:30, wake up at 3:30, and be so nervous about my world ending because of these classes that I lay awake in bed for 2 and a half more hours having more panic attacks. That's a sure sign something's not right.</p>
<p>Anyway, I have some options for proceeding, but I am having a terrible time deciding what to do, and wondering if any of these are even possible.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>I could finish my degree and try to go to graduate school in a different field. The problem with this is that engineering is so dependent on a specific skill set, a set of skills that I do not have. The only people who are probably able to get into graduate school in engineering are the ones who declared that major when they were 18. Who the heck knows what they want to do when they are 18? I filled out a form on the internet one night when I was 18, applying for schools, and I picked my major. If only I knew I was making one of the worst decisions of my life right there... I am trying to get some technical experience though. This summer I'm taking classes in classical mechanics and thermodynamics, but for all I know that's going to be a waste of time.</p></li>
<li><p>I could switch into a major called engineering mechanics (basically theoretical and applied mechanics). I'm taking the mechanics and thermodynamics classes this summer because of that possibility. Here are the problems with that: First, if I did this, I would be in school guaranteed at least 2 and a half more years. So 5 and a half years total. That is a very long time. First of all it'll be expensive, and I'm going to get sick of school and sick of this place. And then graduate school on top of that? I'll already be so far behind all my peers by that point, getting an undergraduate degree when I'm age 24. And there's always the possibility that I won't like that either. Which is just going to drive me insane, because I can't spend forever trying to find what I really like to do. But I would like my life to have some meaning, so I don't want to settle for some soul-draining programming job anyway (but if there's no other choice I guess I would have to).</p></li>
<li><p>I can do something else... more details below.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>I guess I should list the things I seem to like a lot. I've always been fascinated by construction and the development of roads, buildings, railroads, that sort of thing, basically anything having to do with civil engineering. But civil engineering's math component seems low..there seems to be a lot of dealing with "real-world" social issues that I'd rather not touch. Like I've said before I do really like just doing algebra and that kind of stuff, also I like graph theory a lot (thought about operations research but I need more information on that field). Unrelated but still a consideration by me is teaching at some level, either mathematics or if I want to spend a long time, foreign language. I was basically a TA for a discrete math course last semester and while it didn't go perfect of course because it was my first time doing that and I was learning a lot, I would like to get better at that. And as for the foreign language part, I do love linguistics and the languages I learn, and I kind of bore people talking about them all the time XD and I just think it would be fun to be a foreign language teacher, but I don't want to dive into that not knowing how much I'd actually like it, because it's such a drastic change.</p>
<p>The reason this is in here is because the things I'm considering most strongly are transfers into some kind of engineering, but I don't know if it's even possible. I do have full clearance to transfer into that engineering mechanics program, but I think I'd rather get into a masters program or something in an engineering field if that's even possible. The problem with engineering is that it is so hostile to outsiders who take an interest in it too late. There aren't many other fields like that.</p>
<p>I know college is supposed to be stressful, but it shouldn't cause panic attacks, existential crises, and desires to just completely quit everything, give up, and disappear, and it definitely shouldn't be causing these things on an almost daily basis. I'm really getting frustrated and scared. I don't want to fail. But I'm already falling so far behind my friends..... my biggest fear is getting eschewed and "abandoned" by everyone I know because I made bad academic choices and didn't wind up with a Ph.D. like all of them. And even though I know that is a totally irrational thought...it's the frontrunner in the thoughts that have been driving me insane since March.</p>
<p>So, any advice as to which route I should take is really appreciated. And I'm sorry if this is too long, or rambly, or whatever. It's almost 3:00 a.m. and I pretty much just wrote what was on my mind. Anything at all helps..I know my situation is a little strange. Thanks :)</p>