I currently attend a 4 year private college about 2 hours away from my hometown. I’m scheduled to graduate a semester early, but i am really looking into transferring to a C.C. or taking a semester off. I am very burnt out. This is something I have been thinking about for 2-3 months now, and I have tried to thoroughly think it through and not make a rash decision.
My younger brother attends the same college I do and he and my parents rely heavily on me. He has autism and epilepsy and is just going through his 18 year old asshole phase. Last semester we had an issue where he just completely stopped taking all his medications, so my parents rely on me to be his care taker basically. He lives right across the hall from me, he has to physically take all his meds in front of me, his teachers call me when he misses class or if he appears to be having a seizure. There isn’t a thing in this world I wouldn’t do for him, but every time I’m called out of my classes to go to him I just think in my head “I’m not his mother.”
Last semester I found out I was pregnant but miscarried shortly after. That was very devastating to my husband and I, but my family was not very supportive. My sister is pregnant, due any day now, so there was a lot of secrecy around my miscarriage because of her pregnancy. Most of that “experience” happened at my college, so coming back here is just very hard. I find myself constantly sad. I do not have very many friends here, I don’t even think I could say I have any friends.
Last semester I drove 2 hours home and 2 hours back to school at least 4 times every week simply because I hate it here. I want to live with my husband and my dogs and be back where I love. I have given this place a year and a half and I’m still miserable. I want to transfer to a community college back in my home town and then from there transfer to a 4 year university. I have already applied to the C.C. and to the 4 year university. I was accepted to both and given a really good scholarship to the 4 year university.
I am just absolutely petrified to tell my parents. I have done all the necessary steps to withdraw, but am not comfortable submitting my forms until my parents know. I have a rocky relationship with my mother so we are not very close. I don’t feel comfortable going to her and telling her what I’m feeling because typically I just get a lot of shit. My dad will tell me what he think my mother would want him to say; obviously she is very controlling. She will do everything she can to try to tell me what I’m doing is bad without really listening to what I’m saying.
If my mother being controlling wasn’t enough, I am very fearful that if I do transfer she will try to force me to stay by taking my younger brother out of college. My brother loves it here and I do not want to be the reason he has to move back home and live with my parents.
I guess I’m just looking for some advice. I plan to call my mother today and talk to her, but I’m terrified of disappointing them.