<p>I'm not expecting it to happen overnight, but it seems like everyone here (at Bard) is having a much easier time making friends than I am. It's been less than a week but it feels like forever, and cliques have already formed. I'm so worried it'll be too late to join one very, very soon.</p>
<p>Most of the people here are pseudo-bohemian, bored, ~<em>~rebellious~</em>~ rich kids who do nothing for fun other than party, drink, smoke, or pop designer drugs (the rest of their time is spent talking about how wasted they were earlier, how wasted they are now, and how wasted they will be tonight). I do none of those things, which makes it almost impossible to hang out with people here. I don't want to go to house parties or have a smoke break on the steps or join their ecstasy pow-wows in the woods, but there's no other option with them.</p>
<p>I've at least gotten along with pretty much everyone, and have met a load of people whom I'm friendly enough with to strike up a conversation (or at least share a smile and wave) when we pass by each other, but I've met so few that I actually hit it off with or have anything in common with. The only people I've met that I've wanted as my friends at all are two fellow freshman girls whom I've hung out with a couple of times, and a group of guys here working on theater stuff. They aren't ever available though, because the girls are roommates and are never separated so they just make all their plans together (without keying me in), and the guys are all either upperclassmen or not even students here.</p>
<p>I just don't know how to find kindred souls. I've looked into some activities/clubs, but so few happening during orientation are relevant to my interests so most of my time is still unfilled. I'm so miserable, just wandering around campus alone, occasionally running into someone I like and not being able to meet up with the people I want to be with. </p>
<p>Any reassurance that I won't be doomed to friendlessness this year?
How soon did you make friends after entering college?
Do you have an advice for an introvert who finds it really hard to just approach strangers by myself and say hi? Ways to psych myself up, or other methods of meeting people that are less uncomfortable?</p>
<p>Is it still just orientation week? Because once classes really gear up, you’ll have a much better chance of meeting people with interests similar to yours.</p>
<p>It took me beyond orientation… probably around 3 weeks to a month to make decent enough friends that I rarely felt lonely at school (I go to Sarah Lawrence, very similar to Bard)… And probably more like 3 or 4 to find the friends that I became closest to. And those came from classes I was in, and then their friends from other classes they were in. </p>
<p>The only way to break out of your shell is to just do it. Ask to sit down at someone’s table in the dining hall (especially someone else who’s sitting alone and who you recognize as another first year). Ask about their classes, music tastes, just general small talk stuff and compare your interests. LACs similar to SLC and Bard can be very socially awwkardd settings and its up to the individual to break out of that shell.</p>
<p>LydiaSofia- Orientation at Bard lasts 3 weeks, so for a little over 2 weeks still it’s all freshmen (with the exception of a few upperclassmen working over the summer). It’s just that with Bard’s notorious clique-y-ness, I’m worried that by then all the groups will be impenetrable. </p>
<p>Caemin- Thanks… I’m just so disappointed, Bard has such a reputation for being weird so I was expecting a bunch of strange, geeky people who are enthusiastic about learning and what I got were spoiled private school kids :C</p>
<p>I don’t think making new friends in college should be that hard. It usually takes me like 3-4 weeks to settle into a class and start making new friends/or acquaintances, whatever you want to call it. I would consider myself shy, and an “introvert” and I can make friends.</p>
<p>If you’re really having a hard time, start following sports like NBA, NFL, MLB, Boxing, MMA, and I don’t know, you can jump in to a sports conversation nearby and give your opinion on the subject. Sports is basically guy-language. I’ve been in restaurants just talking to a friend about a certain fight, or certain ball-game and some stranger just jumps in with his opinion on the game and we just start talking to a total stranger. I’m also guilty of this myself, in my school, I heard two dudes talking about Mayweather[the boxer], and Pacquiao[another boxer], and I just jumped in the convo and those two guys ended up being two of my college friends and it all started with sports.</p>
<p>If you are just not a sports person at all, I would understand, a lot of people aren’t. Keep looking for clubs and stuff to join, maybe the clubs haven’t settled in yet.</p>
<p>I’m giving you advice like if i’m some hot shot Senior but i’m not, I am a freshman like you. But i’ve been in college before lol.</p>
<p>flotsam- Fair point. I go to Binghamton (a SUNY- public school) so I never expected the vast majority to be a certain way (trust me, I wish I went to a school full of nerdy, awesome people). If I was in your situation, I too would have been disillusioned. Best advice- pick a good club and stick with it. That’s partially how I found my people.</p>
<p>Kel2012- Yeah I’m not so much of a sports person, but your advice does make a lot of sense. I get so much more outgoing and talkative when I actually have something to add to the conversation, and I always have something to add when the topic about something I’m a fan of. That’s why I’ve hit it off so well with the theater guys, because they shared my taste in movies/tv shows. That’s why my biggest problem is finding people who share my interests… But yeah I think clubs are my best bet.</p>
<p>omg…I can’t stand those people who click only with people they share interests with. The stupid questions "what’s your favorite movie? song? tv show? color?? It’s just so lame. I had a group of 3-4 friends in high school and we had almost nothing in common when it came to ^^ questions like these!</p>
<p>You cant look for people who are identical to you, yes it might be easier to strike a conversation but that’s it! Just be open, funny, outgoing, understanding and you’ll make friends that you can hangout with daily. It’s because “friends” are much more than common interests!</p>
<p>Flotsam, that’s cool. I am not only a sports guy, I know all about movies from the 70s, 80s, 90s. Actually my English teacher was impressed with me knowing about the movie The Graduate[Dustin Hoffman]. He said it’s very rare for people of my age to know so much about 70s movies. To the contrary, I suck at talking about movies from the 2000s actually.</p>
<p>Boxer007- Wanting to be around people I can identify with doesn’t mean I want them to be perfectly identical. I can’t be friends with so many of the people here, not because we have different tastes, but because there is zero common ground between us and no possible things we could do that we’d both enjoy. That’s why I need to meet fellow geeks/nerds, I’m comfortable around them, I can be myself around them, without having to worry about weirding them out or boring them by talking about what I want to talk about. Don’t be a dick.</p>
<p>well then…order online something called “confidence”. As I said, most of my friends are different from me. I just don’t feel sympathy for those kids who automatically judge you if you don’t like “dr who”…then we have nothing in common - bye!</p>
<p>I’m not being a dick, but you have to crack that shell and explore different things, who knows maybe you will find someone who like theater like your, or maybe even find someone that has nothing in common with you, but together you guys have a blast!</p>
<p>p.s. I’d really like to know what your interest or things to do are??</p>
<p>The way I found making friends the easiest for me is to talk to people I’m familiar with in the library. Usually if they like you enough you’ll be introduced into a new circle of friends and can go from there. </p>
<p>You can also make friends with the people next to you in classes. Sometimes these people will even invite you to join their clubs they eventually found. </p>
<p>I’m not a nerd or anything. I am a math major, physics minor. I don’t think any of my friends were nerds, just smart people who had somewhat of an interest in math or physics. Some had completely zero interest in math/science but they were usually girls where you didn’t really need that to have a conversation. </p>
<p>My advice is to step outside of your comfort zone but also retain friends that keep up with your interests. I did this primarily through classes and clubs, but it was nice to hear about other things than what I’ve been taught all semester long. I made a good friend out of a girl who is a Geography major, but we’ve bonded over other things. My girlfriend dislikes 60’s music, but I am in love with it. As soon as my friend said “Bob Dylan” we’ve been good friends ever since. My girlfriend is a Art & Psychology major and we never run out of things to talk about. She is completely opposite to me. As long as they’re easy to talk to that’s all that matters. You don’t have to talk particle physics with them, you can save that for your other friends.</p>
<p>Yeah, SLC can be somewhat clique-y too. But I actually managed to join a clique and then realize that that’s what i was doing, and we all sort of broke it up and forced our way into friendships with people from other cliques. while still maintaining our other friendships. It’s all about creating your own college experience. I like to be an in-between-cliques person. I feel uncomfortable when I’m actually in one for longer than like 2 months and we don’t speak to anyone else. I wouldn’t worry too much though… There is something called “camp friends” in college who you make in the first 3 weeks before you realize who you actually identify with, so these cliques that are forming aren’t set in stone. People will be shuffling around all year. Real cliques take time to develop.</p>
<p>If you want to be freinds with the girls who are roommates, don’t give up! Do you REALLY think that they want to do everything together? You’ve got to be more assertive. Casually bring up that if they don’t mind, you’d like some folks to have meals with, hang out with occasionally, etc. If they respond positively, get their numbers and give them yours.</p>
<p>Making friends is truly a two-way street. You have to go out of your way sometimes. Assert yourself. Invite yourself (without being a ******, of course).</p>
<p>some people it takes longer. it took a little longer for me. however, although it became a lot easier, some of my closer friends came by waiting. im glad i did</p>
<p>Luke8ball- Yeah, I’m trying to do that without seeming like they’re the only people I hang out with (they’re not, but they’re two of the few I even want to eat dinner with so I still have the potential to come off way clingy).
We have exchanged numbers though so that’s a plus.</p>
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