Two essays: one for Common Application, one for Harvard Supplement

College Essays
1

<p>Hi! I'm interested in seeking feedback on the two essays I've written so far. If you'd be interested, please respond here! I'll initiate the PM or e-mail.</p>

<p>I've been a writer all of my life, so please be as rough and critical as possible. I won't get my feelings hurt, I promise. I want these essays to be the closest thing to perfect that I can write, and I want my voice to be as strong as possible.</p>

<p>--The following discusses what I've written already. TLDR: Personal background for one and what I want to do in the future for the other.--</p>

<p>The first essay is a response to the Common Application's prompt #1, which deals with the applicant's background or story. I feel that this was a good prompt for me to attempt because I've moved from two different regions in the states and have lived with two different types of culture (traditional northerners vs. your typical southern bumpkins). I love both sides of my family, and in this essay I discussed what I've learned from them. However, I feel that the essay is a bit weak with the descriptions and imagery on my northern family's side, and I also feel that the conclusion is a bit cliche. I'd like to make this a bit more in-depth, cut down the word count, and also add a bit more personality.</p>

<p>The second essay I believe is my strongest. It is for the writing supplement to Harvard, and deals with a topic of my choice: feeling out of place. What I've tried to do is emphasize my urge to move on and progress with my life, instead of staying in one place for extended periods of time. I feel that I've executed that well with this, but I'm not sure that it's not a bit too "wanderlust"... I don't want the admissions committee to think I'd want to transfer or would feel out of place there, too. I'd also like to strengthen the concluding paragraph on this one as well.</p>

<p>--</p>

<p>To anyone who demonstrates interest, thank you. I realize this is a sacrifice of your own free-time and it means a lot that you'd be willing to help out a stranger.</p>

2

<p>Sounds interesting! I’ll read it if you are still looking for some advice or input.</p>

3

<p>I’d be happy to help</p>

4

<p>I’d love to read :)</p>

5

<p>I could read it for you!</p>

6

<p>I’d be happy to read it!</p>

7

<p>I will read it. PM me</p>

8

<p>yes, i would like to read it for you.</p>

9

<p>I will read!</p>

10

<p>I’m a creative writing major at USC and I’ve been helping younger friends. I’d be happy to read:)</p>

11

<p>I would be happy to read too :)</p>

12

<p>I can read it.</p>

13

<p>If you still are looking for comments, I’d be happy to read them</p>

14

<p>Hey there. I will love to read them. :)</p>

15

<p>I’d be willing to read if you’re still looking for critiques.</p>

16

<p>I would love to read!</p>

17

<p>I would really like to read and give my feedback.</p>

18

<p>I’d be able to read it as well! :slight_smile: I just sent mine in (to the same school) not too long ago.</p>

19

<p>I’ll read it !!</p>

20

<p>I can read it if you still need people</p>