Hello,
I wanted to know any opinions about the topics of my personal statement essay for transferring to some Ivy League schools.
Some background info:
I am Mexican, and I am an immigrant. Knowing this, I do NOT think I wrote a typical immigrant essay. In fact, the only reason of why I included immigrating here was because Harvard asks if there was any time lapse between high school and college, and I happen to have a 2 year lapse due to my immigration status.
In my personal statement essay, I used the meaning of the song “Defying Gravity” as well as a sound wave’s troughs (the hard moments in my life) and crests (the best moments) as metaphors of my life’s “wavelength” (I see life as a wavelength with obstacles and lessons). I combined everything together to tell a compelling story about myself. I know a typical error in essays is focusing on others instead of yourself and I made sure to focus on MY life, my obstacles, my fears, my lessons and my goals. I used the phrases "defying gravity (risks, obstacles, defying limits, breaking limits) throughout because that was what I did with the obstacles in my life. But I made sure to be very clear that I was proud and happy of all those obstacles that helped me be who I am, I was very honest and I cried while writing my essays because they are so me and very inspirational.
Some things to consider:
I came here and taught myself English within the year (I didn’t have any teachers who knew Spanish, I literally taught myself)
I had to take the 2 years off after high school (3.76GPA with honors diploma) because I kept getting rejected from getting a green card until 2012 when I got my permanent residency (tried 3 times)
During those 2 years I would walk to my local library for 2 hours once a week to borrow books while carrying 20+ books in my backpack to keep studying and not get behind
My family pushed me to get a fake social security # so I could work/study but I decided to take the risk of being deported and possibly lose time from school (which ended up happening for 2 years) and risk being behind in school/not having the opportunity to go to a good college to do the right thing
The month I got my social security number I obtained a job at a bank where I have worked all throughout college for 45+ hours a week
I HAD to work in order to help my mother pay the small place we lived in
During my last semesters at community college I worked that full time job & a part-time job as a tax preparer for H&R block for 25+ a week while maintaining membership in Phi Theta Kappa, the honors program at my college and a 3.86 GPA while taking 200 level and 5 credit classes.
I volunteered at my local ER hospital and at the Humane Society
I think I have a strong, compelling personal story and I know my determination, maturity (due to all that has happened) and my strong ambition to “defy gravity” will make me a strong candidate.
I just want any opinions in regards to my essay topic, is it too generic/bland? I feel it is VERY personal, very inspiring and motivational and in NO WAY directed towards getting pity, I made sure to express my happiness and thankfulness for having all those obstacles. I couldn’t have been more honest and me, like I said, I literally cried all throughout the writing process because I am so proud of all those lessons.
And also, do you think colleges will think okay of me working 65+ hours a week while being in college? I just barely see anyone who has a full time job applying at Ivy League schools and I am worried I haven’t done enough ECs in comparison. But what I have done has been honest, how can you do ECs while working so long and studying? I did them because I wanted to.
If anyone wants to read my essay let me know! I would appreciate any insight/opinions/comments! 