Can someone revise my essay thanxs:)
If you are going to be revising it make sure you show me the errors.
Questions:
<li>How have you taken advantage of the educational opportunities you have had to prepare for college?</li>
<li>Tell us about a talent, experience, contribution or personal quality you will bring to the University of California. </li>
<li>Is there anything you would like us to know about you or your academic record that you have not had the opportunity to describe else where in this application? </li>
My Response in Essay Form:
- Nothing beats a failure but a try - my martial artist teacher would always say. This quote motivates me to become more triumphant in life as I adjusted to the challenging high school courses. The HP and AP classes at Skyline High School enhanced my note-taking and communication skills by providing lengthy assignments and time management constraints to complete analysis based test questions. Although the work is more rigors than a normal class, it will prepare you for college so the work wont be as arduous. That concept made me take more HP and AP classes so I can improve on these skills. During my years of high school, I concluded that the more HP and AP classes you take the more it will prepare you for college.
In the 10th grade is when I started to discover that I needed to take HP and AP classes. Students who took college prep courses wished that they could have taken these classes because some of the teachers teach what isnt related to the California Standards. I had those kinds of teachers in the 10th grade, like my World Cultures teacher. He only taught us about Popeye for the first marking period. In the second and third marking periods we learned about drugs and violence. At the end of the 3rd marking period, we watched movies that werent related to the curriculum. I was happy when I had a different teacher in the second semester. When he gave us assignments and fun projects I knew I was going to not have any problems in this class. In May when we took world cultures STAR, I scored a below basic due to the lack of teaching in the first semester. Near the end of the year, my teacher recommended me to take US History AP so I wouldn’t have to deal with these kinds of teachers. His motivation inspired me to reach further than my expectations.
I did what my teachers requested and that was my first AP class and 2 HP classes in my junior year. Although I was struggling in the first marking period, I quickly recognized that my problem was that I needed to have better time management. As the marking periods passed by, my marks improved and eventually my test-taking and note taking skills improved as well. This has actually helped me score a proficient score in the California STAR testing. At the end of the school year, my teachers wanted me to continue to surpass so I decided to take advantage of it.
In my last year of high school I continued to take more HP and AP classes. Many of my fellow students had senioritis and I was afraid that the senioritis might also affect me. I continued to struggle to get good grades so that one of the UCs can accept me. As the marking periods passed by in my senior year, I continued to get better and better in my note taking skills, communication, as well as my test taking skills. Students tell me that I am doing the right thing and that makes me feel satisfied.
The HP and AP courses that I took in Skyline High really prepared me for the work that is expected in college. I am ready to take challenging courses due to the preparation in this high school. Although I have butterflies in my stomach about whether I am going to mess up or not, I am confident that the work and skills that I have learned in this high school will be adequate and suitable to any colleges.
<li>My talent began when I was four years old. It was when my mothers friend came gave me a present. When I opened it, it was a person drawn on a board with full of artistic drawings saying on the top of the board today is
and the weather is
It also came with stickers with the days of the week, and the weather conditions. When my parents showed me once, I was able to do it again without my parents help. This talent continued to build through now. My teachers in the 10th grade showed me how to do a skit. Three days later I was able to do abide her explanations. My friends showed me how to a math problem. Once they asked me to do the problem I was able to do it. Students and teachers who had me in class say that I am a quick learner. This talent will be useful in college because it will relive many stresses on the professors minds and focus on the students who dont have this kind of talent. I want to use this talent also to benefit the students in case they have any problems or they didnt comprehend very well. </li>
<li>As cars from my 1st grade class in Thurgood Marshall came from the Oakland Zoo, our teacher (driver of one of the cars) missed 2 exits to 104th Avenue/Golf Links. Since it was the teachers first time in the zoo the teacher and the students went into hysteria. I told them not to worry because I would lead them out. Using my navigation instincts, I was able to lead them back to school. The students and the teacher in the car were so happy that you could see tears of relief through there eyes. That day made me feel proud.
Well there were some proud moments and some difficult moments. In my 4th grade year, I began to learn how to write sentences but my vocabulary and communication skills were weak. I would always be shy and not say anything. My dad wanted to fix this so he put me into Score. All we learned was simple words but not actually increasing my vocabulary or communication skills. He decided to cancel and teach me at home. My vocabulary and communication skills have increased after months of practice. The experiences and talents that I had in my life will prepare me for the challenging road ahead.</li>