<p>I wrote this essay for my personal statement for the University of the Pacific... I need feedback on it and how I could possibly use this essay for my UC personal statement (prompt 1 or 2), even if I need to make changes so it fits one of the prompts...</p>
<p>Thank You!! Please help, thank you. And I apologize for this is sort of last minute, as the UC application is due on Tuesday. Thank you in advance.</p>
<p>Also I am having a real difficult time writing my essay for the first prompt: </p>
<p>Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.</p>
<p>I have sort of a small idea created here, please let me know what you think.
I am a Red Cross volunteer, CPR/First Aid trained and instructor. I started volunteering with the RC when I was in my Junior year. I did an internship over the summer and it really was my world for the summer. Volunteering with the RC has focused my career goal of becoming a doctor. I want to help others and hopefully go to disaster struck locations and give free medical care. </p>
<p>Does that work? I feel that its too busy and not focused enough...</p>
<p>YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH THIS HELP IS APPRECIATED!
Happy Holidays :D</p>
<p>PLEASE? I know I’m late… But please?</p>
<p>If not edit could someone please answer the question about the 1st prompt?</p>
<p>i think that’s a good topic. i don’t think their prompts are set in stone. you can definetly tweak it to match your experiences as long as you go back to what they are asking.</p>
<p>I think that idea can work out.</p>
<p>thanks for the feedback.</p>
<p>so i tried writing this but i didn’t get far and when i read through it again it felt like i was writing for the UC 2nd prompt.</p>
<p>Here is what i have so far</p>
<p>Community service hours are often a burden on high school students. The worry of completing a good number of hours to impress colleges is overwhelming. In my case I am required to complete twenty hours of service each year in order to graduate from high school. Luckily, I was able to remove this burden and replace it with a passion that was unknown to me before my junior year. As I searched for an organization to get involved with I came across the American Red Cross. Little did I know that this organization would soon be running my world. </p>
<p>To start off I took the initiative to create a Red Cross club at my school, which then opened the door to unlimited possibilities. This gave me the opportunity to become CPR and First Aid trained. From here I got further involved with the Health Services and Preparedness departments. I went around different communities giving presentations on how to be efficiently prepared for a disaster.</p>