UC essay #1 suggestions

<p>Will someone proofread and give me suggestions on how to improve my essay? I think my ending needs a lot of help. Thanks.</p>

<p>Sure, send it over I would love to read it thanks.</p>

<p>i'll take a look, pm it over.</p>

<p>I'll check it out. However, I'm also applying to UC (Berkeley,) so if you don't want me to read it that's fine.</p>