<p>Can anyone help revise/edit/comment on my Uc open ended essay? Thanks in advance. It needs a lot of work...</p>
<p>Also for the community service part of uc app. If i will have 200 hrs by the end of december, would it hurt to put that instead of the 160ish i have now?</p>
<p>meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee</p>
<p>no, but make sure u actually do it.</p>
<p>it was very good. i think u spent a whole lot of time on it, nice though, i dont see any way in changing it, its flawless, u get 10 pencils out of 10 for your great essay :) enjoy</p>
<p>I'll comment</p>
<p>i can take a quick look if you like</p>
<p>don't forget me</p>
<p>ill read ur essay</p>
<p>I think your essay is pretty good, it reads quite nicely.</p>
<p>I'll read it.</p>
<p>ill help!!!!!!!!!!!</p>
<p>I'll read them.</p>
<p>I liked the idea of your essay, but there were many redundant phrases. It seems that you only have a few points and you repeated them too much. Elaborate more about driving (other than the independence and responsibility) and maybe give a specific example that showed how 'driving gave you confidence to handle any responsibility and independence in your life.'</p>
<p>ill comment on it if you're still looking for readers</p>
<p>i can read too!</p>
<p>if ya still need help just pm me</p>
<p>me too! :)</p>
<p>nice (and I can definitely relate!), but:</p>
<ol>
<li>redundant at times (responsible, independent...these words are used too much, I think)</li>
<li>check verb tense? (I only read it twice, like an admissions person would)</li>
<li>needs to flow better (try some conjunctions or semicolons instead of something like "I like dogs. I also like cats too.")</li>
<li>seems a little bit "forced" on the government saying 16 is the age, that you need to step up and be responsible for your life and others, etc.</li>
</ol>
<p>sure ill read</p>
<p>Ill read it.</p>