UC Essays - any criticism welcome!

<p>I am planning to submit my UC app by 11:59 PM tomorrow, and though I have had both of my essays go through what I believe to be sound criticism, I would appreciate more input.</p>

<p>If anybody is willing to look at one or both of my UC essays (specifically Essay 1, which needed and may still need the most work) and give me any feedback or criticism whatsoever (I don't expect hours of time investment, I just need more eyes to see the essay) that would be fantastic. </p>

<p>Please PM me if you're interested; thanks so much in advance for reading this!</p>