<p>I am an out of state student and I am applying to both UCLA and Cal. I am having some trouble with my first essay and critique would be highly appreciated! :) Feel free to tear it apart.
Am I answering the whole question? Is it good enough for the schools that I'm applying to? This is just a rough draft and I am in need of some help. Some of the information has been X:ed out in order to maintain personal info and id.</p>
<pre><code>Being born and raised in XXXX, I have faced various obstacles that have led me to become the person I am today. Both my parents have lived their entire lives in XXXX; they speak the language, are familiar with the Scandinavian customs and practice the culture of their country. They both view education and academics in a far different way than that of Americans and neither of them are aware of the hard work that is needed to succeed in US schools.
</code></pre>
<p>Upon arriving to America in eighth grade, I was met with a far different atmosphere and environment than that my parents and I were used to. Back in XXXX I had attended a school with fairly low academic criteria. Many of the kids my age skipped out on their classes and fights out on the school property were an everyday spectacle. This was the school system that my parents had grown up with and it was that which was expected from both my parents and I. My new school here in America was far from what I was used to and I was quick to realize what would be needed in order to reach a new academic height and stand out among my new peers.</p>
<p>The new customs and ways of life were left for me to comprehend and appreciate on my own. Neither of my parents understood the new school system and how things were to be done, and common things such as homework and essays became a struggle for me. Both my parents and I speak XXXX as our first language and whenever I needed help with essays or understanding certain vocabulary I was left to figure it out on my own. My parents were never the ones who pushed me to succeed in school and were often content as long as I passed my classes. My mom never went to college and my dad took a two-year program at a XXXX university when he was young, so neither of them were adamant about me doing well in high school and going to college was never something to be considered. Both of them view education differently in comparison to Americans and they really see no reason for me to push myself and maintain high grades.</p>
<p>Without any encouragement to succeed in school and no one to aide me with my daily school work, I was left on my own to push myself and reach my own potential. Without any clear need to succeed I still strived to do my best. While my parents never aimed to get into a great college, I on the other hand wanted to prove to myself that I had the determination and will to do otherwise. Upon entering high school I signed up for the toughest classes knowing very well that it would be both demanding and a personal struggle for me. I maintained high grades and took all the Honors and Advanced Placement classes that were available. I went out and sought to understand the American ways of life on my own and still to this day I have the great opportunity to learn and experience new customs and cultures here in the US. While I am still both learning and pushing my way through school I try to stay positive towards the idea of what I can be and what I can accomplish as long as I set my mind to it.</p>
<p>My XXXX heritage and past is still a major part of me. I love my home country just as much as I love America. I use my past as a reinforcement; a daily push to do better and prove to my family that I can succeed. My heritage and culture has become and internal part of me that reminds me of who I am and who I have grown and excelled from. I try to prove to my parents that I can and will excel at what I do and I am constantly inspired to do well. The journey of my life has allowed me to realize that I can go beyond what is expected and it has given me a reason to work hard and prove to myself that I can reach my own goals and that I can succeed. With the world I come from, I am inspired and motivated to do better and thrive on my own without having to rely on external reinforcement and encouragement.</p>
Am I on the right track? Anything that I should immediately change?</p>